Crows Stealing iPods

Crows are really smart. A guy taught one to find coins and deposit them into a machine, which would dispense a peanut.

When I breed a murder of crows that steal electronics (iPhones, digital cameras and PDAs) I'm going to get really rich, and it will only cost me peanuts and maybe a decade. Want to invest?

http://www.kevinnalts.com

SCRIPT: Crows are a nuisance, right? They root through garbage, and caw us from our slumber. But what if I could train the species- which top the avian IQ scale - to be my minions? I'd be rich, and you'll see why.

You see recently while digging up an old brick path, I noticed that crows were hanging around my brick pile to gather the worms I made homeless.

Then I read in a recent O Magazine (look- Oprah with puppies) about a hacker named Joshua Klein who spent a decade studying crows, and discovered they're highly intelligent and adept at making the human environment work in their favor. In Japan the black corvids drop tough nuts into traffic so cars crush them, then the genus wait for pedestrian lights to retrieve them.

Get this- Klein invented a wooden box and taught his crow to put a coin in the chute, as it would dispense a tasty peanut.

So what, you say? You don't get it. He hopes his feathered friend will teach a murder of crows at a nearby dump to gather and deposit coins for him- imagine them as the hacker's minions, collecting billions lost coins.

What? Nothing is impossible. Ask Edison. No he's dead. Ask "The Raven" poet Edgar Allen Poe. Or reference, if you will, classical mythology, when a crow told the god Apollo that his lover Coronis was cheating on him with a mortal. Pigeons couldn't do that.

My first plan was to have my minion crows carry advertisements for Nalts shirts and DVDs. But then I remembered that the medium is the message. You'd spend like lemmings with their first Visa card if the crow looked like Caitlin Hill. But crows are sadly on the wrong side of the snake-to-puppy continuum.

So plan B is in effect. I'm going to become the Dickinseon "Fagin" of rural Pennsylvanian crows. Charity's fine, subscribe to mine. You've got to pick an iPhone or two.

Crows have learned to use tools, so they'll be easily persuaded to collect mobile phones, PDAs and digital cameras (and remember it will cost me peanuts). Then I'll breed giant crows, capable of retrieving laptops and even bricks of cash on route to ATMs. I'll create a costume and become EVIL CAPTAIN CROW, and I'll be unstoppable.

Nothing is impossible.

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• crows
• ipod
• steal
• camera
• bird
• oprah
• magazine
• Joshua
• Klein
• device
• box
• coins
• dispense
• peanuts
• japan
• cars
• pedestrian
• lights
• phones
• electronics
• thief
• nalts
• comedy
• Japan
• happyslip

[BOOMitzSAM]

I cant believe you just left a comment sayin that was fake, of course it freakin fake, hes not gonna be trainin crows to steal ipods is he!

[cfk226]

LOL

[marianareher]

@Raudecolt Yeah... Gross... Must be the crow fever!

[cortezawwris]

There you come up with the joke yourself or did actual base it on the real story of the vending machines for crows that returns a reward for garbage doped.

[dadoctah]

Just one tiny flaw in your plan. Considering how intelligent crows are, what's to stop them from making you *their* minion?

[TalorJuliet]

Get,'.An`.,IPOD"""Now'".

ＷＷＷ.ＧＥＴＩＰＯＤＳＮＯＷ.ＴＫ

Simply""`Copy".'And'`,Paste`""­

[TannerMarrero]

Get`,"IPODS.~,Now,"`

ＷＷＷ.ＹＯＵＲＩＰＯＤＩＳＨＥＲＥ.ＴＫ

Copy~."The`,`URL~''

[kickinthedick93]

Marry me

[Michik0k0]

@nalts xD

[Raudecolt]

Anyone notice his black teeth at 1:37?

[stogucheme]

@BOOMitzSAM

Nope! This is just a fake video. Criminals don't tell the truth, after all. Just ask Jack Sparrow!

[IceCrossFire]

The name for a ''flock'' of crows is called a murder of crows. That's why he said ''a murder of crows''. By the way, lol.