Twilight Abridged - Chapter One

That's right, I'm abridging Twilight.

Pointless repetition of details are no more. Instead, you get snark.


Before you even ask, yes, I have read the books. This should be obvious by my listing the events of chapter one.

No, I didn't like the book. No, it would not make sense for me to not read the book if I didn't like it because it would be illogical to dislike it to this extent without having read it.

Yes, I am male. Yes, I am from Twilightsucksdot.com and, no, the site isn't inhabited by mostly guys. I'm currently one of maybe five at most out of a good hundred members.



ANYWAY

The Twilight Abridged Drinking Game:
(ONLY TO BE PLAYED IF YOU ARE OF LEGAL AGE)

Warning! Do not use strong liquor!

The game is simple. Down a shot each time the word "bitch" or its derivatives are used to describe Bella or her actions. You'll be good and wasted by the time it's done.

..I counted 16 shots.

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• Twilight
• Parody
• Bella
• Meyer
• Stephenie
• Edward
• Cullen
• Anti
• Audio
• Book
• Abridged
• Sucks
• Twilightsucks
• Twitube

[BlueHuntress123]

I like the twilight series but i accually find your commentary hillarious :D

Keep up the good work!

[ZaxfromTSdC]

@BlueHuntress123 *tips imaginary hat* I've finished the first book, but it'll be a while longer before I can begin the second.  College tends to absorb every spare second.

[YnangelGOTH]

You're voice sounds wierd, like you're trying REALLY HARD to not laugh and you practiced this...or are reading it.

[ZaxfromTSdC]

@YnangelGOTH Kind of a mix of all three, actually. I tend to pre-script a bit, during which I read through the chapter and jot down my thoughts.

[Lemoncode]

Let me try.

Ahem.

Faggot and Bella have kids.

[ZaxfromTSdC]

@xtwilightrocksx But, seriously, despite your claims, people have actually compared Meyer's description of Bella with a picture of herself, and it was a perfect match.

Meyer can say whatever she likes, but that does not make it so. People lie, you know.

I'm ranting, not bitching. There's a difference.

Yes, she is.

Actually, I see good in a lot of things, and have even pointed out a few things in Twilight that had potential.

I would certainly hope I could never write a book like that.

[balllkrusher]

You, sir, are awesome, and deserve shiny new internets for this.

[Greener221]

If you want to abridge twilight, just say Twilight=My Immortal, and leave it at that.

[ChurchOfArceus]

The 20 people who disliked this video are Twitards.

[Amari412]

Bella bitches way too much. This is funny. She bitches about her situation, about her dad, about the town, about her car, about everything...nice...

Like said, this is hilarious.

[marneyhey]

@xtwilightrocksx i'm sorry but stephanie myer spewed those pages up, its not called a book its called rotting vomit. i've read twilight, its bullshit i couldn't believe that it was published.

[gangman5]

@xtwilightrocksx You're right, he could never write a book like twlight....because he'd write something BETTER

[tallblondasian]

"If you can't picture what Bella looks like, imagine the author as a teenager and that is about right." XD so true

[yusaikthewolf]

@xtwilightrocksx yes she does. get over yourself and start realizing the facts. I have a question. Why would you delibertatly look at an abridged series of twilight(which you love so much) when abridged series only EVER make fun of the material? (examples: naruto abridged, yugioh abridged, pokeman abridged, TWILIGHT ABRIDGED. just to name a few)