Whoa Jesus - RAP REMIX!!

Original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tvLPRJx_-0

Verse 1:

When I was a kid I thought that I was free

I was living as an atheist happily

I didn't read the bible, I skipped sunday school

I was a straight-up sinner, I was a bat-blind fool



I'm not proud of the things I did

I rebelled against god when I was a kid

I spilled my seed instead of waiting

Until marrying a girl and impregnating



When I turned seventeen, that's when I found Jesus

My girlfriend dumped me, I said "I can't believe this"

I tried to drink my sorrows away

But then something happened that fateful day



I went to church drunk as a skunk

The priest took my head and then he dunked

It in holy water, and I got sobah

And then I realized that I needed Jehovah

Verse 2:


Jesus is one heck of a guy

He lives in his kingdom way up in the sky

He looks down on you and he looks down on me

Cause we're his children, we're his mother flippin' family

Let me tell you a bit about the bible homeslice

Jesus says to turn the other cheek and be nice

There's genocide, infanticide, if you read the wrong texts

But people these days take it out of cultural context



They say god's perfect so he can't change, but that's a fallacy

God changes with the times, just like you and me

He's perfect for whatever the situation man has created

Just like his flood when the world was obliterated



I know god is real cause he answered my prayers

Every day in many ways god shows me he cares

I prayed to god I'd make it big so I could spread his word

And just like that, I was on the Christian Music Network

Verse 3:


Whoa, Jesus, Father above, I flippin' love you
Long hair, sandals, beard, I wanna hug you.
You said. "Never share a bed with another man!"
But with you, Jesus, I'd be willing to do it again.

I follow your word, I'm your herd and bible study's dope,
A woman asks for sex, I straight up shake my head, "NOPE".
I love the holy water, your flesh, your blood.
I'd straight up build a flippin' arch if you said it would flood.

But lately I've been questioning my faith,
I've been going through some real deep thinking as of late.
And I wonder if praying all day's a bit extreme
Then I wake up *phew* it was all a bad dream.

'Cause you know, Jesus, I live to serve you.
To pray, not think, just sit and observe you.
It's not about reality, just post-death immortality.
Thank you, Christianity, I love my homeboy, J.C.!


Verse 4:

(This one's for the angels)
I don't care what atheists think is fun
To smoke, to drink, I speak in tongues.
Hallahbahallah Hallabululaahlaah.
Laaalalalalalahala Kyeahbuyah!

Dear Jesus, I'm on the spot, don't know what to think
I'm sorry I was gay, smoked and used to drink
All of these things were fun at the time
Well that's fine, I've found a better guy to get behind!


Yo, right here, this bible is all I need

I only went to school so I could learn to read 

This book, know'm sayin? It's got it goin' on

Romans, Corinthians, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John



I look at all the muslims, the Hindus, the Jews

I know god says you can as you choose

But it's sad, to burn in hell they're wholly liable
(I'm like)
"Dang son, you gotta read the Holy Bible!"

Category:

Music

Tags:

• christian
• rap
• jesus
• christ
• mc
• j.c.
• hip
• hop
• old
• school
• public
• enemy
• run
• dmc

[chun060309]

Good Job!

[ubergossen]

@chun060309 thanks!

[MrMohjong]

Best christian rap of all time

[ubergossen]

@MrMohjong Thanks

[bw10is]

Is that a millstone tied around his neck?

[ubergossen]

@bw10is clock. Also had "end times" written on it, but you couldn't see in the video

[ubergossen]

@eliwalks haha thanks. I guess Christian rap is ridiculous enough that a parody could almost be mistaken for the real thing.

[ubergossen]

haha yeah but one century god's drowning the entire world (which is an act far more horrendous than any you can pin on paul pot or whoever you love to use as examples of mass murdering atheists) and then the next he's saying "love your neighbor".

[joemantex]

@megaloethor It's not a lie, it's a satire. Maybe you should learn the difference.

[GnosticAtheist]

@megaloethor Indeed

[megaloethor]

@GnosticAtheist u mad bro?

[GnosticAtheist]

@megaloethor you sad?

[GnosticAtheist]

@housemonzter Obviously...

[maykel336]

Gad save you

[megaloethor]

These guys are a bunch of liars. Real christians know when there are false wolves among the brethren. A whole song devoted to bash God, like they are some kind of know it all.

[WarWhoYoungManSSSS]

Awsom rimes !