How to tell if an INTJ is interested in you.

This is my 1st youtube vid. I'm just reading out something I wrote in a forum. I've realised that I speak rather quickly and am not the clearest speaker around so I've pasted a (slightly edited) transcript of what I've said.
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Before I begin, I must say that this is just a general run though of how INTJ might behave in a romantic situation. This is by no means scientific. It's just the ramblings of an INTJ who has the pleasure and pain of interacting with other INTJs personally and professionally.

So how can you tell if an INTJ is interested in you?

I've organised the information into stages. Not every INTJ goes through these stages, nor do they have to follow this particular order....

Stage 1: Observation

When an INTJ first discovers that he/she is interested in you, his/her 1st reaction will be to draw back. This will manifest itself in different ways. He/she will treat you as if you are invisible and possibly ignore you, perhaps even to the point of rudeness. This is because feelings are confusing to the INTJ and you, as his/her object of interest, elicit feelings that the INTJ is not accustomed to dealing with. Therefore the first reaction is to take a step back and evaluate the situation, particularly these reactions that (annoyingly) the INTJ (who usually is quite collected), does not seem to have control over. Better adjusted INTJs may interact with you as they normally do. Do not be fooled by this apparent lack of interest. The INTJ is usually absorbing whatever information he/she can about you. It's what we do. If something strikes our fancy, we become experts in it. Any interaction during this stage will be awkward and stilted and you might come away with the impression that the INTJ doesn't really like you.

So indicators at this stage are a little hard to read. So there'd be an awkward lack of interest or the INTJ will go about their regular business but will always be 'tuned in' to you and what you're saying/doing. After all, we're masters of stealth....you can't really tell when we're listening and when we aren't.



Stage 2: Evaluation

In this stage, the INTJ may initiate contact. This can be either direct or indirect. You might find them spending more time around you and they might try to draw you into a conversation, ask you questions to try and get to know you, basically. Don't expect the usual drivel like: How's the weather? What d'you do over the weekend?, etc.... because remember... we cannot abide small talk. Intellectual compatibly is pretty high on an INTJ's list so this is when they gauge whether you 'make the cut. INTJs choose partners just like they choose anything else.... with care. We do the research, weight the pros and cons and then make a decision.... and if the decision is negative, its fairly easy for us to move on. This is not because we are nanomorphic mimetic poly-alloy cyborgs... its because we've assessed a potential partner or relationship and have concluded that it's a waste of time.

So indicators here are, you'll find the INTJ interacting with you more than they normally would in comparison to other classmates/colleagues or acquaintances. Time is important to the INTJ, especially time alone...so if an INTJ is spending time with you rather than writing a random program or reading a complicated book, it's a sure fire way of telling he/she is interested.

Stage 3: Action

When and how an INTJ will make his/her feelings known varies greatly. Some may come right out and say it (expect something more on the lines of a feasibility analysis rather than a mushy declaration of undying love) others might just find themselves 'falling into' a relationship. Signs that an INTJ is really interested in you is when he/she might do things that they wouldn't generally do, but that you find important. Say your band is playing at a pub, he'd/she'd attend even though he/she may not necessarily enjoy going to one. Bear in mind though, you sometimes might have to spell it out for the INTJ.
INTJs revel in optimising things. So an INTJ will show his/her affection by doing practical things for you.... like upgrading your comp. or mapping out the best route to work. Efficiency is something we value highly and by making things more efficient for you, is how we show we care.

So, is he/she interested?

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[Thierrymasters]

It is striking how accurate this description/analysis really is. I've tried countless times to convince myself that I was not really an INTJ. And this through countless personality tests, and what I'd call deviant behavior, but I've always had to come to the conclusion that there were some things that I could not change. This video is playing the role of that last nail in the coffin. If what you described is the emotional/sentimental behavior of an INTJ, then that's definitely what I am.

[zeixify]

@Thierrymasters Out of curiosity, why would one want to convince oneself otherwise? Also, I'm told that INTPs behave similarly.

[paultoner]

I think this video convinced me that I'm an intj. But just to be sure I'm going to continue my research on the other major rational personalities. lol

[zeixify]

@paultoner INTJs: They don't take your word for it.

[Gatzlocke]

I dated an INTJ and it was very...confusing.

I'm an ENTP. I thought she hated me at first but she warmed up later. When I asked her out I had to wait a day til she gave me an answer. And in the relationship she always wanted space and time. Which luckily, I'm very patient. I think this is pretty accurate of her behavior. Sadly, when she moved, the distance didn't work.

[zeixify]

@Gatzlocke That sounds very much like INTJ behaviour. I often dissuade potential reciprocity in stage 1.

[Kujaras]

As an INTJ, I won't even lie, I said some things at the exact same time as you in the exact wording. It's interesting how all of this is 100% accurate.

[bellanatural1]

@darkwhitedirewolf awwwwww! that is romantic! I am an INTJ by the way..

[MrMoran22]

@Here2QuestionYou Introversion and shyness are not mutually exclusive. Introversion/extroversion has to do with what situations a person feels the most comfortable, either by themselves or with people, respectively. Shyness has to do with a willingness to engage other people. Make no mistake, if an INTJ likes someone they most certainly are not ignoring that person. Quite the opposite, we usually are intensely focused on them, it's just that we lack the drive to actually engage them.

[dianddra999]

a month ago I didnt even know what an INTJ was but now I am dealing with two of them. they both tell me that they like me. is that a pretty significant thing? for an INTJ to like you? some people will say they like you at a drop of a hat but I am guessing its more significant if an INTJ tells you they like you?

[Ian8sg]

It's true that i always avoid people i'm attracted to, and i find myself being rude as well when interacting with them.

[CDK93]

@TheRand0musername INFJ's can read people's emotions before they ever know them, so the INTJ would never have to show anything for an INFJ to know.

I'm an INFJ btw xD

[Infj101]

Good job. Interesting. InterP sums up what I was feeling.

[TheRand0musername]

I wonder what an INTJ dating an INFJ would be like....

[TheRand0musername]

@TheKillershade Hahahahahaha

[Gilsworth]

You've helped me realize how immature my feeling side actually is. I'm no stranger to my personality type but I noticed that I completely disregarded feeling as something unimportant. Thanks :)

[TheKillershade]

I feel like I am watching a nature show. "Deep in the plains of Westwood... the INTJ stalks its prey with calculated precision."