Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman: It's time to explode 4 taboos of parenting

http://www.ted.com Babble.com publishers Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman, in a lively tag-team, expose 4 facts that parents never, ever admit -- and why they should. Funny and honest, for parents and nonparents alike.

TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. Featured speakers have included Al Gore on climate change, Philippe Starck on design, Jill Bolte Taylor on observing her own stroke, Nicholas Negroponte on One Laptop per Child, Jane Goodall on chimpanzees, Bill Gates on malaria and mosquitoes, Pattie Maes on the "Sixth Sense" wearable tech, and "Lost" producer JJ Abrams on the allure of mystery. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in a variety of languages are now available on TED.com, at http://www.ted.com/translate. Watch a highlight reel of the Top 10 TEDTalks at http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/top10

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  Science & Technology

[Wor Moya]

Some here are complaining about the decline in the quality of TED videos, but there seems to be a more alarming decline in the average intelligence of the viewers.

[waldoman7]

how can you love someone before you know them? you can't, not AS a person. Instinctual love of children is just love for an object and for the benefits it brings you. You fall in love with the IDEA of a child. you think "this is my offspring, a continuation of me. something I made with the spouse I love." All of that is me me me.

The false notion that this is love warps family relationships and is the root of countless mental disorders and social evils.

[finnderbird]

How do we do that??? Lower expectations??....I want more!

[waldoman7]

perhaps. I can't know either way. Motherhood is a thing completely beyond my comprehension.

[EmbreyGirl]

I think for mothers, they can love their babies for more than just 'the idea of them' or what they mean. They feel their child move inside them, they learn about their personalities by their level of activeness in the womb. Is it the kind of love they have once the baby grows into a child? No. Of course at that point they know them better, just like you know them ever better in their 20's. But it's completely possible to love a being you carried for 9 months.

[halothemovies]

You can too fall in love with your new kid. You don't have to but many do. I for one loved every single one of my newborns. Love them kids.

[Tashima Byrne]

So true regarding number 1, although I have felt it for my second child. I wonder if it's because the first was highly medicalised and ended as an emergency cesarean and I didn't even have the energy to look at my son, whereas the second was at home and I caught her, immediately fell in love with her and have had a much better relationship. It's so sad that so called civilised society has removed the closeness between a family and extended tribes.

[Martin Buhr]

I especially love the way Alisa looks at Rufus throughout this talk...

[samala51]

Great talk

[Van Ke]

Thank you two so much for this insight. Im almost 4 months pregnant and im surrounded by the same magazine type imagery and i know it cant be all like that. Facebook is an especially big culprit, everyone posts gushing nonsense about their kids being the best in the world and theyre lives have never been so happy. Im sure some days that may be true but were really doing one another a disservice by completely glossing over the difficulties we may have. Id love to see more honesty about this.

[Terraqueous Onkos]

Yes I'm aware of the term. Thank you for your academic and bookish attention to detail!

The subtleties in life, the vast incongruities and complications, are what we strive to understand. We see smaller and smaller, until we arrive at the truth, and we can see every part of the whole in its beauty.