"New Science" - a funny little rap about science

music & lyrics by Andrew Silverman
LYRICS
Girl, I could be your enzyme
Take you on a nice date
Get my active site
All up in your substrate

I could be your bedmate
Just please keep in mind
My optimal pH is around 6.8 or 9

Yo I'm riding solo like Derulo or a schizo
Getting a bit of brain right after neuro
And this is New Science inspired by 'Bo Yo'
And this is New Science straight from the zygote, homes

Now you know I put the POP
Back in apoptosis
I'll leave your cells shot
With osteoporosis

But I know, man -- it's a serious disease
It's not funny to see
Old ladies breaking their knees
But don't hate me, man
I'm just the MC
You know I'd own that science fair
Forget that spelling bee

Now I'm taking mythical zoology
To major in biology
And if you think I'm corny
Just ask my unicorn, Horny

Dipole attraction and
Nuclear force interactions
Watson and Crick set off a chain reaction
My rhymes flow fluidly
Via capillary action
Warning: my lyrics might elicit
Bladder contractions

Tick tock
Tickity-tick
Someone's got Tourette's
I got non-sequitur wit --
But yo, don't sweat it
Nah son, not yet
Just gotta wait until carbon's
Got its full octet

Assigned a problem set
But I aint gonna fret
Gonna hand that shit in and
Get 100 percent

I got 99 problems
But I got no calculator
Convert to kilopascals
With all this pressure, haters!

Now, you best stop moving at absolute zero
Boyle couldn't boil pasta, but he'll always be my hero
And Planck invented planking
Freud gave his mom a spanking
Talk about surgeon general
No trick could out-flank him ...or her

Einstein making Newton look old
Pasteur thought of germs and caught the common cold
And you better know to keep your experiment controlled
Maybe consider Bio101 -- I heard your mom's already enrolled

Now, with all this talk about natural selection
Charles Darwin and his chimp predilection
Went for chimp number 3 and felt the feeling of rejection
More like Dar-lose, blue balls and a tenacious erection

Bestiality plus borderline personality
Gets you to the point of sexual immorality
Come on, Dar-lose -- you're a naturalist
Come on and exercise some natural rationality

So goes the history of HIV
Just ask the big guys up at the CDC
And even if you choose not to believe me
You best take your vitamins: S, T and D

With children's thinking underway
Piaget turned Piagay
Curie out of her element
And started to decay

Girl, text me up
To see if I can play
I'll text back 'Potassium'
Cause you know it's always 'K'

Yo, catch me with them fruit flies
Top floor of the SciLi
Over to my lab
Like my name's Bill Nye

Getting stuck in my physics work --
Way too much friction
Warnings about global warming swarming
But hey, that's just science fiction

And for the miracle of Life
My hands go up to the lord
But I've got so much nerve
I should really be thanking my spinal cord

My rhymes be so infectious
They'll leave you with rabies
At least it's not a yeast infection
Am I right, ladies?

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• comedy
• rap
• Funny
• Humor
• Standup

[hivquestions]

funny stuff and smart

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please question the 2 or 3 protein HIV test - vaccinations, drug use, steroids and pregnancy can all cause positive hiv test results - hivquestions