Two And a Half Men - Men's support group

-Well,get on with it.
-All right.How do I say this?Do any of you get up in the middle of the night to pee?
-Sure.
-Occasionally.
-Sometimes,I don't even get up.
-Hello.
-Oh,man.I'm sorry,guys.It's my brother.We agreed you weren't gonna be here.
-Don't worry.I just need my phone book.Is that...?
-Yes.
-And that...?
-Yeah.
-And that?
-He used to be.Not anymore.
-Him I don't recognize.
-He's our bookie.
-You can have your bookie,but not me?
-Bookies,like friends,are chosen.
-Okay.Okay,fine.I'm sorry to interrupt.I need my address book so I can call one of my friends.
-They don't care.Hurry up and get out.
-Hurry up and get out.Sounds like sex with my ex-wife.I don't know if Charlie told you,but I'm recently divorced and it's been kind of a rough road.
-Here's your phone book.
-Thank you.Of course,I guess in hindsight,I should have seen it coming,but...
-I'm gonna count to three.
-Bye.
-Sorry about that.He's bent out of shape because I told him he couldn't be part of the group.
-Why not?
-You just saw him,didn't you?Trust me,he doesn't get any better.I mean,he actually thinks this is a support group.
-This is a support group,Charlie.You're the only one who's pretending it's about Scotch and cigars.
-Whatever kind of group it is,we have rules about new guys joining.
-Well,but he is your brother.
-He's obviously going through a rough time.
-Seems like you should be more supportive,pal.
-Hey,I support him plenty.I share my home with him.I share my food with him.I moved my foosball table so he could park in my garage.What more do you people want from me?
-Let me tell you something about sharing,kid.Sharing is a two-way street.When you share with another human being you always get back more than you gave.Assuming that you are smart enough to share with somebody that's got more stuff than you had in the beginning.
-We should talk about Charlie and his brother.
-What?Why?
-We've been meeting all these years and I never even knew you had a brother.
-I didn't see that it was relevant.
-Let me tell you something about relevant.The root of the word relevant is "rel" which is also the root of the word relative.Your brother is your relative,ergo,your brother is relevant.
-What?
-Another "rel" word is relapse.But I'll wait my turn.
-Charlie,you need to stop resenting your brother just for being born.
-Hey,I don't resent him for being born but he abused the privilege.Even now,with you guys.I jumped through hoops to get into this group.I had to be recommended,then I had to get to know you guys.Now Alan thinks he can waltz right in because he's my little brother?It's not fair.
-Let me tell you something about fair...What?

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Two
• And
• A
• Half
• Men
• s02e1

[DionKool]

sean penn is hot, look at these arms

[inertiatic4]

"sometimes I don't even get up" lol

[R0ozter]

They look like a mafia reunion

[jayNicks10]

@abaleiron It's the first episode of the second season. Episode 25 for a total. it's called "Back off marry Poppins."

[drABE01DR]

the first 13 seconds of this vidineo are some of the funniest in the entire show!!!!!

[MansManifesto]

...just like our men's group.

[george39able]

this episode of two and half "Jerks"is probable one of the funniest I have seen,who said, support groups are not funny!

[abaleiron]

Could someone tell me which season and episode number is this from? Trying to get it but it's not easy to find. thanks!

[jackmn22]

somtimes i don't even get up. when i first heard that i was so close to pissing my pants when i heard it

[ARavingLooony]

god alan annoys th crap outta me