Uploads from The Onion

  1. 657

    Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works

  2. 658

    This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof

  3. 659

    Santorum Now Viciously Condemning Homosexuals, Minorities, Women For $100,000 Speaking Fee

  4. 660

    Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot

  5. 661

    Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward Small Talk

  6. 662

    It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton

  7. 663

    Biden Unveils New Health Initiative To Make U.S. Women Hotter

  8. 664

    Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria

  9. 665

    Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone

  10. 666

    Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections At Any Given Time

  11. 667

    Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook

  12. 668

    Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis

  13. 669

    Eric Cantor Tossed By Bucking Mitch McConnell During Congressional Rodeo

  14. 670

    Democrats: Obama Has Dicked Us Around For Four Years, Now It's Our Turn

  15. 671

    Reporter Helps Starving Dogs By Personally Shooting Them

  16. 672

    Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself

  17. 673

    Stephen Strasburg Ceremoniously Re-Injures Arm On Opening Day

  18. 674

    Shelby Cross Warns Women Self-Defense Classes "A Trap"

  19. 675

    Man With Nice Eyes Blown

  20. 676

    Today Now! Host Undergoes Horrifically Painful Surgery Live On Air

  21. After 1 Week In New York Tim Tebow Already A Gay, Homeless Crack Addict

  22. 678

    Small-Town Mayor Steps Down Amid Scandal Over Forged Coupon

  23. 679

    Joad Cressbeckler Denies He Incited Mob To Drag Congressman Through Briar Patch

  24. 680

    Nation's First Boombox-Carrying, Rollerskating Congressman Broke Boundaries

  25. 681

    Broncos Receivers Worried Peyton Manning Going To Expose How Bad They Are

  26. 682

    Purity Of War Marred By One Bad Apple In Afghanistan

  27. 683

    Google Shuts Down Gmail For Two Hours To Show Its Immense Power

  28. 684

    Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary

  29. 685

    Nation Abuzz With Prospect Of 18-Year-Old Boys Having Their Dreams Crushed

  30. 686

    Sale Of BET To White Supremacist Group Results In No Changes To Programming

  31. 687

    Could The Use Of Flying Death Robots Be Hurting America's Reputation Worldwide?

  32. 688

    Teen's Death Hits Reporter Hard

  33. 689

    Embarrassing Bounced Check From Greece Taped Up In IMF Headquarters

  34. 690

    Minnesota Braces For Return Of Bachmann's Full Attention

  35. 691

    Black Conservatives Support Candidate Whose Religion Believes Black People Bear Mark Of Cain

  36. 692

    Romney's Super Tuesday Polls Surge After He Begins Flaunting His Wealth

  37. 693

    Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored

  38. 694

    Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick

  39. 695

    Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself

  40. 696

    World's Youngest Person Born

  41. 697

    Facebook To Allow Changes To Privacy Settings If Users Guess Word In Locket Worn By Mark Zuckerberg

  42. 698

    NewsBlitz: Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy's Ghost

  43. 699

    Leaf From "Tree Of Life" Frontrunner For Best Actor Oscar

  44. 700

    Boy Loses Leg In Totally Awesome Shark Attack

  45. 701

    Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship

  46. 702

    Obama Begs Voters Not To Make His Daughters Switch Schools

  47. 703

    Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage Costume

  48. 704

    Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin For Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball

  49. 705

    In The Know Panel Analyzes Obama's Furious, Profanity-Filled Rant At Nation

  50. 706

    GOP Introduces New "Mystery Candidate" With Paper Bag Over Head

  51. 707

    Poll Reveals GOP Nomination Now Two-Way Race Between Mitt Romney, Total Voter Apathy

  52. 708

    Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother

  53. 709

    Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

  54. 710

    Eli Manning Asks Dad If He Can Stop Playing Football Now

  55. 711

    Cocky Giants' D Reveals Game Plan That They Will Try And Tackle Tom Brady

  56. 712

    Dead Wife And Kids Replaced By Miniature Horses

  57. 713

    2011 In Review: Nation Shocked To Find Out Elizabeth Taylor Wasn't Already Dead

  58. 714

    Jay-Z Fans Brace Themselves For Onslaught Of Horrible Odes To Baby

  59. 715

    Football Fans Excited To Watch Patriots Or Giants Lose Super Bowl

  60. 716

    Embarrassed Steven Chu Accidentally Calls Barack Obama 'Dad' In Cabinet Meeting

  61. 717

    2011 Top Story: One Of Arizona's Many Crazed Gunmen Shoots Congresswoman

  62. 718

    2011 Top Story: Queen Beds Kate Middleton In Royal Tradition

  63. 719

    Did Media Treat Bachmann Unfairly Because She's An Insane Woman

  64. 720

    2011 Top Story: Japanese Nuclear Reactor Totally Safe Says Two-Headed Plant Official

  65. 721

    Justin Timberlake Wins Golden Globe For Funniest Goofball At His Table

  66. 722

    2011 Top Story: Navy SEALS Discover Bin Laden Gained 300 Pounds

  67. 723

    Critics Slam Obama For "Just Standing There" During Photo Op

  68. 724

    Witch Who Granted Beyoncé Beauty And Fame Takes Singer's First-Born Child

  69. 725

    Alex Smith Boasts 49ers Have What It Takes To Win Despite Him

  70. 726

    Grover Norquist: 'I Engaged In A Week-Long Drug-Fueled Orgy With Corporate Income Taxes'

  71. 727

    Feds Break Up Brutal Las Vegas Man-Fighting Ring

  72. 728

    Traveling Group Of Medieval Mummers Is America's Top Pick For Holiday Entertainment

  73. 729

    Ashton Kutcher Caught Canoodling With Ancient Disc Made Of Pure Evil

  74. 730

    Tim Tebow Becomes First Christian To Play In NFL - Sports Year in Review

  75. 731

    Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall

  76. 732

    Aaron Rodgers Vows To Make Season Interesting By Killing Self

  77. 733

    Report: Nobody's Heard From David Blaine In A While, Somebody Should Probably Check If He Died

  78. 734

    Brooke Alvarez Has All The Answers, Even About Particle Physics

  79. 735

    Year In Review: Revolution In Egypt Either Courageous Or Stupid Depending On Outcome

  80. 736

    Year In Review: Renewable Energy Source Encoded In Charlie Sheen's Rants

  81. 737

    Chinese Paint Tops List Of This Year's Must-Have Holiday Gifts

  82. 738

    Doofus Chilean Miner Stuck Down There Again

  83. 739

    Brooke Alvarez Explains Why There Are So Many People In Prison

  84. 740

    NBA Players, Owners Fail To Reach Agreement Where They Would Beat Each Other With Chains

  85. 741

    Parents Keep Deceased Son's Memory Alive Through His Awful Tumblr

  86. 742

    Report: Some Sick Fuck Out There Now Supporting Herman Cain Because Of Sexual Assault Allegations

  87. 743

    Cowboys' Presumed Thanksgiving Win To Cause Nation To Vomit Up Dinners

  88. 744

    High Unemployment Linked To Increasing Number Of Face Tattoos

  89. 745

    Older Hispanic Men Line Up Excitedly For 'Breaking Dawn' Premiere

  90. 746

    Brooke Alvarez Must Decide Between "Watch The Throne" And "Carter IV"

  91. 747

    Brooke Alvarez Teaches Us How To Deal With Uninformed People

  92. 748

    New Robot Warns When Someone's About To Walk In On You Masturbating

  93. 749

    Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine

  94. 750

    Jim And Tracy Put On Fat Suits To See What Life Is Really Like For Awful Fat People

  95. 751

    Latest GOP Debate Concludes With Candidates Wrestling Squealing Pig To Ground And Slaughtering It

  96. 752

    Classmates Respond To Jessica Milly's Decision To Put Out

  97. 753

    Tom Brady, Mark Sanchez Prepare For Jets-Pats Matchup By Having Sex With Each Other

  98. 754

    Brooke Alvarez Can Speak News In Any Language

  99. 755

    Brooke Alvarez Names The One Person Who Could Compel Her To Go On "Dancing With The Stars"