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Who The 'Ell Is Tauriel? Hobbit comedy spoof song. Deconstruction of The Desolation of Smaug. Funny!

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Published on Dec 15, 2013

Comedy parody song for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.
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PLEASE DOWNLOAD THE SINGLE from iTunes, Amazon, and elsewhere. Only $0.99. Or 79p. Buy it to help support poor Laketowners and keep the wargs from the door. x

Watch all the way through to the end: there's a funny bit with a hedgehog.

Peter, Evangeline, we love you really. Honest. (But maybe not that orc.) Warner Bros... New Line... The Heirs of Saul... Please don't sue us. WE MEAN NO HARM!

Shot in Peter Jackson's childhood hometown of Pukerua Bay, at a Bad Taste location, with a cast of extras from The Hobbit, on the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who. How geek-chic is that? Eh? :D

Go and see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug! Not only is it stupendous, but we're all in it! (Apart from the Librarian, who was, sadly, too young.) But can you spot us...?

Thanks for watching and sharing.

Some people asked for the lyrics... so switch on the Closed Captions (CC button) or read on...

WHO THE 'ELL IS TAURIEL?
words n music (c) Christopher Graeme Winchester 2013
*** *** ***

Who the bloody 'ell
is Tauriel?
I don't believe I've heard of her before.
I've prided myself
on knowing each and every elf,
but suddenly it seems there's one more.

She ran out of the wood,
oh so magical and Mirksome;
it really is no good,
in fact it's rather irksome.

Who the bloody 'ell
is Tauriel?
I don't believe I've heard of her before.


Who the bloody 'ell
is Tauriel?
I don't believe I've heard of her before.


Hold on, what the arse?
That looks like Legolas;
I'm pretty sure he's in the wrong book.
He should be in that thing,
the one about the ring;
Bear with me, I'll go take another look...

Some clever clogs just claimed
he's in this one as well, but isn't named,
but as excuses go that's poor.

And who the bloody 'ell
is Tauriel?
I don't believe I've heard of her before.


There and back again,
without an 'andkerchief...
Orcs and spiders, elves and men,
hills with dragons underneath...


Some fella on a sled
with birdshit on his head
just CPR'd an 'edge'og. I'm confused.
OK, let's cut the crap,
he is a wizard chap,
but wasn't he invented, then not used?

He's racing orcs on wargs, and frankly getting in the way.
I really wish someone'd shoot his bloody hares,
and crash his bloody sleigh.
We've got a wizard. Do we really need one more?
And who the 'ell is Tauriel?
Not heard of her before.


They're taking the Hobbit to Erebor...
They're taking the Hobbit to Erebor...
They're taking the Hobbit to Erebor...
They're taking the Hobbit to Erebor...


Ooh, Laketown, very nice,
all fish, and snow and ice...
but all this talk of treasure takes an age.
And Gondolin forbid,
Bard's got a mouthy kid.
I'm sure that this is more than just one page...

He's nailed the author's vision of the lake town's oily boss,
but who's that bloody sidekick, Alfrid? Now I'm getting cross.
He looks a bit like Grima Wormtongue, but I'm not quite sure.
And who the 'ell is Tauriel?
Not heard of her before.


Who the bloody 'ell
is Tauriel?
I don't believe I've heard of her before.


How come Gandalf the Grey
has lots of plot to play,
when by the book I thought he'd disappear?
The Necromancer's back;
he's crept in through a crack
from one of the Appendices, I fear.
I'm disappointed with the wargs
because they never talk,
and oh, don't get me started on that bloody great white orc...

You've given him a trilogy.
Don't give him any more!!!

And who the bloody 'ell is Tauriel?
I don't believe I've heard
of her before.


They're taking the Hobbit to Erebor...
They're taking the Hobbit to Erebor...
They're taking the Hobbit to Erebor...
(without an 'andkerchief...)
(Orcs and spiders, elves and men,)
(hills with dragons underneath...)


Who the bloody 'ell is Tauriel?
I don't believe I've heard
of her before.


PS: can you find the punctuation mistake in the credits?

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