Revelation Part 1 (Read Description to be clear)

Just something I whipped together to be able to vent about how i feel at the moment... Feel free to judge. By the way, this is not an act for attention. If you can't see the words to the video, here they are so you see what I'm trying to say:

Some words I need to let out,
Sometimes it's only words that can explain a persons perspective.
A person's life
So here's mine...
sadness fills my heart, curiosity fills my mind, emptiness fills the reasons behind my actions.
I'm lost in a world full of catastrophe and madness but why?
Every night, I'm turning back and forth wondering what's wrong and what's right.
but who knows anymore?
I feel like i'm fighting for something i don't need or don't want
aimless blows of strength i know i don't have - but why?
thoughts circulate as i take a breath of this air filled with illusion
illusion that plays the role of safety that keeps me alive
i feel blinded
blinded by the attacks to the eyes by people who hate that i don't see things the way they want me to.
i feel misled
misled by all the people who've hurt me and made me switch paths over and over again
i feel lost with a wall of fog formed by fear
fear of who i'll become - fear of where life will take me, or where i'll take it.
fear of being left alone and not worth being bothered with
fear of others and how they will see me - as if their judgement is what i crave to feel less alone
15 years have gone by and i've yet to see what i've made of myself
15 years filled with thoughts of regreat and horrible memories being held onto
but why?
what is my purpose of being here? what is the point to the drama that roams humanity?
everyday, waking up to a box that sits on my mother's dresser
a box that holds the remains of my brother who no longer breathes
if you could imagine the pain that still remains in me from remembering his last words
going back to th days of horror, at least, that's what i called them
the days of tormenting and flesh wounds being made by the followers of the lie that lives in this world
the lie they live by - their understanding of what goodliving is
good living is war, controversy, and the worires of people like me who feel trapped?
i feel trapped
trapped by a force so strong that keeps the liars and pretenders from seeing who they really are or what they've become
a force that tries and takes each ounce of my being and transform it into something artificial and harmful
harmful to to others and myself...
i hate confusion
i hate the reptetition of words to the point of where they no longer have meaning
i hate feeling the hrut and the anger inside of me
i know myself enough to know that i don't know myself
something i live by everyday while going through life's obstacles
the obstacles keep coming... never stop..

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• Revelation
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• unknownlover347
• nongospel

[thearough]

your the first to feel as i do i feel like no one thought of me when they had me that this reality has no purpose and not because i need a psychiatrist. its like we're living a lie and folks get mad when you admit it the best most honorable thing a parent could do is to not to feed the drama by procreating. Making the right choices in life and being successful doesn't give life purpose neither does religion or spirituality. Being alive is a bad empty place to be.