World War Four - The Vampire War (Book)

Link to the first chapter:
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2626028/1/World_War_Four_The_Vampire_War

This story is on earth and it set in the slight future, just after the resolution of the 3rd world war, the war on terror. The world war with the smallest amount of casualties because it mostly revolved around politics and who controls who.

A girl starts changing. She evolves, gets massive power and decides she wants to use it to change the world. To fix it. Now of course this idea of hers will never work but she goes for it anyways. The result: the fourth world war. Not exactly what she intended. The war is later named after her and most of the blood shed is in her name. Next thing you know every superpower wants her on their side and it turns into a war of execution. A war of assassins and silent murders. corruption and the seeking of power. All of this made possible by the number one tool of murder. Her. Why can't she stop this madness? No one knows why she doesnt just stop letting the world get thrust into madness. Letting it get thrown into the bloodiest war of humanity - The Vampire War.

The Picture:
Yes, the picture IS a character sketch someone did of the main character, It's not exactly what I imaged but still pretty darn good. If anyone else wants to give it a try just PM me and I'll mail you a description.

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[2445kellergamer]

Gotta say that i tried to read the beginning of your story trying to figure out what you could do better in order to give you some constructive critic but kind of lost that thought while reading. Guess that`s a good thing though =) Hope you re getting published soon cause i hate reading on the pc and i absolutely fall for every post apocalyptic setting

[Lammalord]

@2445kellergamer

ha ha thanks, sadly i got this retarded idea to go for 18 units in college (6 classes, 5 english classes) this WOULD be done if i had say 4 classes, and maybe a little free time... but I haven't touched it for months... sad huh?

[starrynight3800]

Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmm­mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeerrooooooooonnn­nnnnnnnn . . . Hurry up and finish the story, I wanna read it D=< Oh and . . guess who .-. . . .

[Lammalord]

@starrynight3800 uh, haven't we played this "Guess who" game before? if i remembered, I lost.... lol...

uh i did finish the story. I just need to edit it... that takes time yeah know...

[KazeTala]

I suggest changing the name. Vampire War gives off the wrong Idea. People will think it has Vampires to do with it (even if it is just similarities,). and I read you're First chapter. You're writing skills are good but theres always room for improvement. So good luck.

[Lammalord]

@KazeTala

wow i haven't been on youtube for a while... lol 4 weeks ago... the name will be changed to Darth, maybe add something after that, i know the name was to attract the addicts who love vampires (half of Fiction Press, the other half hates them) it worked quite nicely while the story was up..

as for improvement, i should post the teaser of the 2nd draft (1st 3 chapters) which look A LOT better... the chapters i have up were like the bones.....

[2445kellergamer]

just realised that i m the first one to comment this in months ... if its already published i`d love it if you could pm me the release title or something alike

[sethboy66]

if its published im definitly reading it

[Lammalord]

oh? what was the worst part?

of course you didn't actually read it right?

[ToxicEnzyme]

Your story sucks balls, you should stop writing it now, and instead take the time to read good literature, maybe it will teach you something about story-telling.