Eleven Trillion Dollar Drive
By Jason Goldtrap
JasonGoldtrap.com
03.23.09
I will be on the Fox Business Network, Thursday, June 18 at 4pm EST.
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Hi. My name is Jason Goldtrap. I love America. Let's pretend I have the Trans Am from the movie Smokey and the Bandit, that'd be cool. I want to visit every state capital in the lower 48, from Maine to Washington. I have chosen a route whereby I can drive from one capital to another. I am travelling at a constant rate of 60 miles and hour, no bathroom breaks, no naps, no lunch at Cracker Barrel, no souvenir shopping, I am just driving and driving and driving. The roads are clear, the weather is perfect, let's roll.
My journey begins in Augusta, Maine. I drive to Montpelier, Vermont then to Concord, New Hampshire down to Boston for some clam chowder back southwest to Providence and across Hartford. I then go up to Albany south to Trenton and Harrisburg then down to Dover. I skip across Chesapeake Bay to Annapolis, see the sights in DC before heading down to Richmond, continuing my journey to Raleigh, Columbia, Tallahassee, and a surprisingly traffic free Atlanta. Next I hit Montgomery and Jackson down to Baton Rouge, up to Little Rock east towards Nashville, Frankfort, Charleston, Columbus and Lansing. I win the Indianapolis 500! Then west to Springfield, up to Madison, I say hello to Garrison Kellior in St. Paul, then down to Des Moines and Jefferson City. In Austin I mess with Texas before heading up to Ooooooooklahoma City where the wind comes sweeping down the plains. Up to Topeka, Lincoln, Pierre and Bismarck and Cheyenne. I catch a Broncos game before I press the pedal to the metal to make it to Santa Fe, Phoenix, Sacramento, Carson City, Salt Lake City north to Helena west to Boise, north to Salem and finally, I arrive in Olympia, Washington where there's a parade in my honor with Bigfoot serving as the grand marshal. All total I've driven 13,105 miles in 218 hours, roughly 9 days.
But wait, there's more. I feel so good that I put the car in reverse and drive back to Augusta which would make it a 26,210 miles round trip in 436 hours, roughly 18 days. Boy am I tired!
And now I'm gonna get crazy! I'm going to place one dollar bills on the road, line them end to end during my entire journey. Zoom. Ok, its 18 days later and I'm back. I have just placed on the road 276,777,600 dollars! Wow! That's a lot of money! Or, is it?
I forgot to tell you that my Trans Am is also a time machine, using a misapplied principle of Einstein. The more I drive time itself begins going backwards! The hours pass by swiftly, then the days and months become a blur. The Earth starts spinning around the sun and I am now driving my car in a different millennia!
According to the US National Debt Clock we owe approximately $11,100,000,000,000. On my drives, what would it take to equal that staggering amount? Well, going on round trips from Augusta to Olympia, dropping one dollar bills from my Trans Am and going back in time I will have made a total of 40,104 round trips which comes to about 721,872 days or 1,978 years which would make it about 31 AD when I could have heard in person Christ say "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
So, how do we fix this mess? Beats me. I'm unemployed right now so I'm not the one to give financial advice. Is there a way to pay off these bills? I hate to say this but probably not. This message is intended for future generations. This is my way of saying "Sorry we gave you such an insurmountable debt and, take my advice, don't spend what you don't have." -The End-
Jason Goldtrap is not a politician, lawyer, activist or anything else. I'm just a regular guy. I am an author from Central Florida. My novels can be viewed online at www.JasonGoldtrap.com. My novel "Teen Girl From Mars" is a optimistic, romantic, funny story about a sixteen-year-old girl living on Mars in the year 2191. My story is clean, values oriented, funny, adventurous and heartwarming. JasonGoldtrap.com for more info.
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