DAYS DEPRIVED:1,150 ( Parental Alienation of a Singapore father. For my son Adriel Cheng)

Join my FaceBook group here - http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=128445290045&ref=mf

My blog for my son -
http://parental-alienation-singapore.blogspot.com/

Ever since Care & Control was given to my ex-spouse (who was represented by PAP MP Mr Lim Biow Chuan) by Singapore Family Court, I was totally deprived of access to my son for 10 mths from Sep 08 to Jun 09 despite an existing Court Order giving me 8 hr access time per wk.

When I brought this up to the Court, not only was the 8 hrs access time not being enforced, & outstanding hrs not being made up to me as stated in the Court Order, my access time was instead being REDUCED to JUST 1 HR PER WK. And it has to take place at a Family Centre assigned by the Court (we have to pay $120/hr to be with our children).

Despite me bonding extremely well with my son at the Family Centre for 6 mths (Jul 09 to Jan 10), they arranged for a court counselor to interview my son and determined that "it is in his best interest that I do see him", and that "I may affect his PSLE examinations". So I was COMPLETELY BLOCKED FROM ACCESS TO MY SON for the next 8 mths.

Such OPPRESSIONS are not uncommon among parents without Care & Control, and it is hardly the kind of fair justice that we are hoping for in our modern society. I believe more could be done to help parents bond with their estrangled children.

Many Singaporean divorced parents and children are suffering everyday as a result of Parental Alienation (PA).

Here are 3 cases in 2009:

http://www.divaasia.com/article/4314 (reported on the 5th July issue of The New Paper)

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/what_bugs_me/230838/the_suffer... (reported on the 22nd July issue of Lianhe Wanbao)

http://www.divaasia.com/article/6578 (reported on the 17th December issue of The New Paper)

PA is a conscious & continual effort by one parent to severe the other parent's affectionate relationship with the child through bad-mouthing, threatening, bashing & brainwashing. An intense on-going alienation will cause the child to think that any affection or loyalty for victimised parent is considered betrayal to the alienating parent. The child experiences an enormous amount of fear & guilt for wanting to love that victimised parent. Psychologically, this has huge ramifications on the child in the long-term.

PA is a gender-neutral issue that is affecting children and families all over the world and it needs to be addressed seriously.

Some clips on PA -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thYJN9-vgWw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4R1vf158oo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQIXAjC_v50

Thousands of parents in Singapore, & millions others all over the world had been made victims of PA, including actor Alec Baldwin who spoke on CNN -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u38LzlYp78k

PA is a Mental & Emotional form of Child Abuse & it needs to be stopped.

Its time for the Singapore Family Court & those all over the world to start taking effective measures to end this aggresssion, & to start being fair to both parents by adopting mandatory shared parenting programs. Many alienated parents out there are being deprived of time with their children, such injusticed situation should not be allowed to exist.

To all victims of PA: Never give up fighting for our loved ones, justice will prevail, as in the case below in a Toronto court -
http://www.thespec.com/News/BreakingNews/article/501305

Definition (Source: Wikipedia)
-----------------------------------------
'Parental Alienation is a form of relational aggression by one parent against the other parent using their common children.

Alienating parents often use grandparents, aunts/uncles, elder sibilings to alienate their children against the target parent.

Some forms of PA include:-
- brainwashing
- character assassination of the target parent
- the false inducement of fear
- using children to commit relational aggression against the target parent,

PA often forces children to choose sides and become allies against the target parent.

Extreme, obsessive, & ongoing PA can cause terrible psychological damage to children extending well into adulthood'

Acknowledgement
--------------------------
I would like to express my personal gratitude to Mr. Howard Jones for the kind permission to use his beautiful song "Sleep My Angel".

Also a big "Thank-You" to my brother-in-Christ, Gerald Chia, for his contribution to the awesome slideshow.

Thanks to my family members, my friends (Azhar, Lim, Martin, Nathan, Kelvin, Stefan, Siak, Ken, Gary, Charles, Moo, Quek, KL, Jack, Jeff, Nik, Joel, C.Kang, Little Nyonya Jean, Corey, F1 Chen, Joc, Linda, Xavier, Teng, Daniel), my relatives, as well as Pastor Glen (from Elim Church Singapore) for all their prayers, encouragement & support during these difficult times.

I believe God will make things right in the end.
God bless us all

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[22OOKIHC]

Hi , My situation was something like similar. i was denied visit til things took a change when I seeked legal help.. Sometimes , we need to be a little more agressive to make a stand. It is true that children will feel or even distance themselves with their parents when parent do not spend enough time with them. You need to be strong and find a solution soon. take care

[ykmsp]

@22OOKIHC Thanks for your kind words : )

[limskangeline]

Be strong I can understand how you feel...trust me he will definately remember you as his dearest dad and will surely feel really fortunate to have such a loving dad who always keep a look out for him no matter where he is! Move on in life with plenty of hopes and it is definately achievable to meet again soon.

[ykmsp]

@limskangeline Thanks for your kind words and encouragement : )

[meiyun81]

你要加油喔.....我相信總有一天你們父子會在次見面的...­..加油.....偉大的父親.....你是最棒的.....

[ykmsp]

@meiyun81 Thank you, meiyun : )

[xaviertbh123]

yes andy i'm singapore parent, now i'm going through the same process, i had written to Hedy to share my story

[xuxpst]

This isnt deception.

Well, all i can do is cheer you up. You can do it. And dont give up. I read about it, you're on the news. There will be the day that reveal the truth. May God bless you.

[realexhousewifeoc]

Parental Alienation is the Ultimate HATE Crime a parent can do to the children while using the other parent as the target and the children as the weapons.

[limskangeline]

Be strong I can understand how you feel...trust me he will definately remember you as his dearest dad and will surely feel really fortunate to have such a loving dad that always keep a look out for him no matter where he is! Move on in life with plenty of hopes and it is definately achievable to meet again soon.

[ykmsp]

@preachur99 Thanks bro, you too : ) By the way, I know of many other parents all over the world in similar situations via Facebook, do join us at my group bro - "Against Child Violence & Abuse (PARENTAL ALIENATION is Child Abuse)"

[preachur99]

Hang in there. I wish there was something I can say to help.But I've been there and my daughter is now 18.I still have no contact! I hope and pray you get better results.Take care of yourself.