Letters to an Asexual #3

This is #3 of a series in which I read correspondence between me and people who have questions, comments, or--more often--misconceptions about asexuality. I don't have a set number of these I'm going to do, and I imagine I'll continue to get material for them as life goes on, but I currently have quite a backlog, so you can expect material to last for some time at least. :)

#3 is an OKCupid correspondence with a curious party who was not at all a jerk, but had some thought-provoking questions and comments, and my response consists partly of answering his questions and partly of some related comments on the subject of why I bother to discuss asexuality or reveal opinions and beliefs of mine in the public arena.

Note: The video jumps a little at one point because I had to chop a few seconds out somewhere to make it shorter than ten minutes. :) Sorry it was a bit jarring.

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• asexual
• asexuality
• okcupid
• relationships
• swankivy

[Raptanax]

OKCupid is a great dating site because it doesn't try to be just a dating site. If anything it's a social-networking site with a focus on relationships. Mutual interests are the basis of friendships, and our overly sexual society seems to forget this sometimes. I once met a girl I found very attractive, found out she was asexual or at least approximately so, and we became great friends anyway. Our mutual interest were what made the friendship.

[swankivy]

@Raptanax Yeah, exactly. It recognizes that we're whole people and that not every "compatibility" comparison has to be in the realm of romantic or sexual compatibility. I have tons of friends that I met through the site, and we hang out in person.

[puchigoth]

I'm asexual, but I adore dressing up and looking pretty. After watching this video I'm asking myself "if I am not looking for sex then why do I put so much effort into my appearance?" I can't figure myself out!

[swankivy]

@puchigoth Just because you want to look nice or have an interest in fashion or care about your appearance doesn't mean you're trying to attract sex. We all feel good when we look how we want to look. Looking nice in public is sort of an art form and a performance art. It has nothing (necessarily) to do with sex and everything to do with personal interests and other forms of positive reinforcement. You're not a contradiction. :)

[MrSeemby]

This is completely off topic. But are you a small person or is that a big can? :P

[swankivy]

@MrSeemby It's an ordinary size can. I am a very small person.

[TroopsPostTrauma]

spaceapeshit,

Quoting you: "...made me just a little bit more stupid."

I have news for you buddy, you've been stupid for a long time, and nobody helped you. Take responsibility for your own actions! You could start getting smarter if you want.

...and hey, nice new channel! Joined: January 06, 2009)

What's the occasion?

[swankivy]

@FlyinSpaghettiMnstr7 Of course! The sex spice, which coats only your genitals amongst all others, is sure to convert me.

Believe you me, I shall be dreaming of you tonight, sexy! ^___^

[Duriretlan]

Ahhh OKCupid. Have had some interesting conversations on there. . .

[swankivy]

@MusicLoverGurl I think in this case saying I'm giving attention to "things I dislike" is oversimplifying the situation, since it's very important to me to raise awareness about the existence of people who aren't interested in sex and aren't broken. Expressing an opinion against something you think is wrong isn't the same as just crapping on it for fun. I dislike racism too, for instance, and I don't think not paying attention to it will help end it. Hope that makes sense!