want to know the truth? the truth is i look at myself, and think why don't i look pretty? why don't i look like regular girls, not even the ones in the magazines, i mean people at my school? they are gorgeous. and me? i am not. why? my friends, and friends only say i'm pretty. isn't that what their supposed to say? even if its a lie? another thing is, i'm not skinny enough to be anyone's. i'm simply not. i feel fat even if people say i'm not. i want to be someone important, to make a difference. i want to try my best and someone notice it. i want to actually be happy, and not have to fake a smile. but i guess, even my happiness is too much too ask, and to hard to reach for. but here i am, trying to be a good friend to everyone. putting on a smile. pretending i'm all good. when there's those days, every day that i want a car to accidently run me over. that i want someone to shoot me. or, that i want to find the strength to swallow enough pills to take me out forever. cause i'm tired of being here. tired of not being good enough. tired of smiling when all i wanna do is cry. i'm alone. nobody understands this pain. nobody does exactly how i feel cause their not me. and why would they want to be? who am i to them? why can't i just be happy? why do i have to cry myself to sleep every night wishing that i don't wake up? why can't they guy i like just be mine? or the best friend that i have known over half my life, be my best friend again? why can't i meet my new and real best friend without my parents freaking out? why can't my friends be happy and have better lives? why can't i make them happy? why am i not pretty enough? skinny enough? smart enough?....

why am i not good enough?

1.30.2012 -