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droning on and on.... watmvlog 6 views this is about the relationship, and family and my anxiety about being happy. SUPER LONG
lost, new, and old? watmvlog 15 views random lost insiders, my new bf, school, general update, POLLY TIME! this is SUPER SUPER DUPER LONG.
lets pretend that you're far away watmvlog 21 views ****warning: Explicit language that is possibly triggering to SA survivors***** this is about my digestive issues today and the problems that arose from the proposed tre...
we got us presents! watmvlog 20 views and we show them off. now i'm all fuzzy headed. whee....
the leap home pt 3 watmvlog 9 views christmas plans and POLLY stops by with a gratitude list
the leap home pt 2 watmvlog 7 views time, acceptance, and cough drops.
the leap home pt 1 watmvlog 53 views me, lipstick, tv, quantum leap, and a sore throat.
gotta earn yo love pt 2 watmvlog 10 views more about that boy and some crying. damn
gotta earn yo love watmvlog 19 views what up bitches! more about that dood.
actionreaction watmvlog 6 views

About Not The Ones U R Looking 4

Pretty much raw emotion. This is a new account for an old channel. Working on moving those videos over, will take a while. new videos will be here.

Created by

watmvlog

Latest Activity

Feb 20, 2012

Date Joined

Sep 16, 2011

About this user

I'm a 30-year-old female who has been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I share the body with 12 insiders. There are 13 of us altogether. We call our system The Maggie because together we make up The Maggie that people interact with, not to be confused with me, who is Maggie. I have not met/communicated with all 12.

The known insiders are:

1. POLLY: A 4-year-old girl who loves just about everything and everyone. She may be the "original" or core personality. She was aware of time passing in our life in a way that most others weren't. She has been around longer than any other. Formerly known as "Margaret", before I understood the differences between her and Gretchen.

2. Timothy: An 8-year-old boy who was one called "The Rage", because he insists that the abuse didn't happen to him and therefore didn't happen. We now understand that as people who live in the same body, it could have happened to the body and not to him. Since that he has calmed down a lot and doesn't often seek body time.

3. Gretchen: A 9-year-old girl who is very apologetic. She has taken on a lot of the responsibilities in our life, something I wish wasn't true. She is very shy and quiet. I used to call her "little Maggie" before I understood the differences between POLLY and Gretchen.

4. Victoria: A 16-year-old who is also a memory keeper and pretty much the "sexual one". She is often very close to the front and I think she experienced high school more than the rest of us. She pretty much relates to the world in sexual terms. Formerly known as "the slut".

5. Lilith: a 38-year-old female. In the past she has been identified as an inner abuser but our relationship has changed, she is still very critical but also often the voice of reason. A protector against outsiders. Has some negative qualities of certain abusers. But is also our "inner therapist" she and Gretchen are often working together to get self-care things done.

6. Charlie: 38-year-old male, also classified as an inner abuser. Has a very different relationship with the child insiders than with me, is very critical but like Lilith seems to do it to protect us. Has some negative qualities of certain abusers.

7. Maggie: a 30-year-old female who is out front most of the time. Spent most of my life repressing the others, almost always co-conscious when other insiders are out front. Fearful of moving forward with the harder work ahead. we had WLS in August of 2011.

8.Peter: Male insider who I think is 32-years-old. In the past has had a lot of animosity toward me but we've worked it out a little. He is protective of child insiders. Used to beg homicidal toward me. Formerly known as "The Killer". He now gets that we are in the same body but still wants to be in charge.

9. Radio: Radio seems to be ageless. They don't really talk in words so much as in snippets of or entire songs. Plays louder when an insider is upset. Plays on repeat sometimes to prepare me (I think just me) for a message from other insiders or a memory. Always been called the Radio

10. Unknown Female Adult- She may be the person who I mention below but she came out last night very strongly. She seems to be a warrior insider. We did a self-portrait recently, I think she is represented in it by a large picture so she may be more active than previously realized. Possibly "the Maggie show"

11. I'm told there is a pre-verbal insider who is younger than POLLY who is called Margaret.

the other insiders are unknown to me. Unlike the movies or a lot of other multiples we experience co-consciousness more than "black out switching" sometimes I'm not aware of others being out until I can't remember what actually happened later, though I felt completely present in the moment. We lost time a lot more when we were not on meds or in therapy.

Like I said before I spent most of the body's 30 years telling the others to shut up, go away, they aren't real. It has only been a around two years since I started consciously working with/accepting/cooperating/honoring the other insiders. We are still working on trusting each other but have come a long way. They don't like the term "parts" though I sometimes slip up and use it. My therapist is awesome and we call him the ninja.

I think that gives you a good idea about who we are, enough so that you don't get lost watching our channel anyway.

Maggie of The Maggie

Age

Hometown

Atlanta, GA

Country

United States

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