I can often be seen debuting my line of scent-free perfumes at fashion expos in emerging democracies. I raise prize-winning night crawlers and am known worldwide in conspiratorial circles as "The Voice." My ancestors founded the earth. I have committed each of Aristotle's works to memory, and I can burp the entire alphabet. I am a member of the academy of motion pictures, and my opinion has resulted in the last 10 Best Picture awards. I know the location of Amelia Earheart, but I keep it a secret for financial purposes. I can pick out a counterfeit bill with ease and I can locate explosives with my nose. I have my own national holiday in Saipan. All my enemies are either sick or dead. Paramount and Tristar are currently in a bidding war for my life story. MacGyver consults me on the many uses of duct tape and pipe cleaners. I write the extra hard sudoku puzzles, and I invented mah jhonng in 15th century china. I always stop the pump on 00. My taxes are filed on January 2nd, and I deduct every expense.

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