About this user
miss him; busy; wish I weren't. want time to love
felt him just a little while ago too. mmm
and we been makin' up every since. felt him last nite...around 3am. so hot, so sexy. God his skin and the way his hands and mouth are so powerful. His body is pure stealth. Makes me crazy for him wanting him.
sleeepy. bed. dream of him
felt him earlier. looking down at me, his hands around my head/face, hugging me. kissing my face & wiping my tears. "I overreacted" he said. Prob just my mind trying to make me feel better. It worked. In my mind, he loves me.
8 loads of laundry done; hauled back & put away, garbage & recycling out, sheets changed, bathroom cleaned, ready for work, grocery done.folding socks, write in journal, I'm def. ready for bed!!
note to self: do not wait until 4pm to eat for the first time all day. I haven't had an appetite really for over a week now and just didn't eat. figured it out when I had a TOTAL meltdown (angry then crying) b/c my upstairs neighbor (a total asshole) took up 2 parking spaces in front of the house, so I had to haul from way down the block & now have to haul 4 giant bags of laundry (3 roundtrips) to the car. felt better after eating, but he's still 1 of the most inconsiderate people I've ever met. I WISH HE'D MOVE BECAUSE I CAN'T FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
time to get started with day. was sick last week & lost time. (and PS Dear God...can I get a break on that? been sick a lot this year. trying everything I can to reduce stress and not die of a broken heart b/c of him).
norah jones calms me down; makes me feel ok. i love u christopher. shouldn't that be all that matters?
loving him online would be absolutely worth it if I knew it was him and when he's on, that he does care, and maybe why he won't love me in real life. he hasn't even logged in in so long. Just wish I knew for sure that he has feelings for me & it's him online.the thought that I'd spend hours on line if he's not truly there/doesn't care is what is pulling me away from the computer (not to mention that sitting in front of it isn't too healthy for too long). Missing my laptop about now!
i said i was fine last nite, but my body was wreaking havoc on me. i was so upset that my heart literally hurt last night. I finally calmed down around 2am and slept.
if today was my last day, I'd have seen u. but you cancelled.
To lose weight and be healthy, the pain must be less dominant.
here we go again....into the circle...where I come around the bend a few hundred times and still don't know what's real and what isn't. he loves me on vid, cancels on me in person, practically cusses me on text.
i do NOT have hair on my back! what are the odds I'd get that vid...?
does he know how to love me?
...and there's no DOUBT that I need that surgery. omg. i can barely carry a tune now. after singing my whole life on pitch! i used to even do the national anthem acapella and I always landed where I was supposed to. i can't wait to have my voice back!!!!
singing a little now. hopelessly devoted to you
i'm not trying to tame you. i'm trying to love you.
why is he actin' like a stupid boy when i know he's not???
in person. with a kiss. i love you and you're fired. let's see how I feel in a week. I think this is exactly what I will do. and walk away of course. because he knows where to find me if it matters.
thinking. i'm going to get away and decide what to do. he may get a text: "I love you and you're fired". I have to see how I feel in a week.
singing "we are family" dancin around the den while I work. because I'm not going to let him hurt me anymore today. thank God for music.
so, i've had my happy, sad, frustration, anger, and cry today. emotional roller coaster I hate. I'm done now. turning on my music and getting ready for my week.
so much for his words "I'd fit you in". Right. It appears you are much more amused by slapping my face every chance you get.
just had to shed a few tears. i'm emotionally spent right now. i need to get away.
and I felt him out last night too; i was in a bad mood the whole nite.
yeah. i'm kinda done being treated like this. he didn't have 3 minutes to give me? he didn't even apologize. he's so full of himself he couldn't even condescend to apologize.
maybe he just had a bad day? he seemed happy to see me last time i was there. he spent extra time talking with me (and having fun playing with that putty stuff LOL). I'd be most understanding if not so worried he hates me. i just wish I knew what he really thinks about me. I'm just all over the place on that. one minute I'm sure he has feelings for me, the next he hates me. i even tried to just be friends and he didn't go for that either. very confusing.
i just wanted to see him so bad. but this is a real reality check. he def. didn't want to see me,really hurt my feelings.
I can't believe he just did that. i needed 5 minutes. is he TRYING to get fired? He hates me that much??
Interests
music, lyrics, writing, singing on and on and on.....
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