thesecretbet's channel

100% correct. He never said that. He did say 'fuck' live on TV during Live Aid, but it was about an address to send money to, and was so tame it's laughable. Don't look at me. Google it you cunts. That's what Google is there for.

@twoface3525 I've sent you it. I'll be waiting.

@LeshaLuvsYou I also apologize for being a dick to you before. I was wrong and I've learned a bit of a lesson. So thank you for that.

Nice to meet you Alesha, from Dan from London!

@junes2k If I'm hear one more mis-quoted "40 Year Old Virgin" reference trying to be passed of as original humour, I'm going to bash these anonymous YT commenters with a proverbial bat.

Write your own fucking material.

@LeshaLuvsYou Having said all that, you are very very cute though. I'll let you get away with it this time.

@twoface3525 "Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet...."

You have to resort to stealing Armando Ianucci's put downs from "In the Loop" to try and sound intelligent and erudite.

That tells me everything I need to know about you.

"you being sarcastic with me boy don't fuck with me"

I am fuckin...

@MrThumbCutter Yes, because it's a well known fact that comedians that speak fast are funnier.

Your comment has made the whole planet slighty more stupid. Nice work.

@JoQuaker What the actual fuck are you talking about? You were there were you? You filed the report did you? You know the woman involved and can verify whether she knew whether there was live ammunition or a fake gun involved? You know for a fact that her life was in danger the whole time. You're...

@vernmcbain And why the fuck are you smiling about really, literally, shooting someone in the head? The fuck is wrong with you?

In Thailand, civilians wear shirts that say "Police", "F.B.I.", "C.I.A." etc. I could wear a "My Little Pony" shirt tomorrow, but it won't make me a fucking little pony (as cool as that would be).

I don't view white supremacists as human. They don't deserve the nametag of humanity. They are a fa...

@crissangel815

lacked the ability to think of an original joke

stole a tired format of delivering a joke

have a username and say things that imply i'm a 14 year old virgin who masturbates frequently and doens't actually get to physically meet women very often

@ImHighRiotNow420 Jews have all the athleticism of Rosie O'Donnell being wrapped in a blanket and beaten with sharpened sticks. Run shit? They slowly walk shit, you mean.

And calm down anti-semite accusers, I have Jewish hertiage. Suck my unecessarily shortened dick. (Like making it smaller is a...

@TheNewVersal Or what are you thinking right now? Yeah steal my own personal fucking private headspace too!! Go ahead, I'd love nothing more for you to know all my personal interior monologues. Take 7 pints of my blood too and a kidney while you're there.

This is the "Hercules in New York" of YT videos.

Fuck your shitty little retarded my-crayons-have-melted-because-i-sit-in-the-dark-and-chew-th­em effort.

@xizzo2000 You're either a troll or an idiot. It's hard to decipher which. Either way you're a massive cunt. You're basically a failed human. It's not your fault. Evolution has taught us, as a provable fact, that any individuals in a species that are weak and unintelligent eventually get wiped ou...

@josue85022 Either you're a troll or really really fucking stupid. I can't tell which. Irrespective, you're a massive cunt for posting this video.

I don't understand why Sandy Toksvig is the celebrity she is. How did that happen? How did QI's standards dip so low? Is it because of her lesbianism? Oh she's gay, so we better invite her on laugh at her jokes and if we don't it's some form of prejudice? That's a totally British/BBC thing to do....

@iamRyanne What the fuck do you expect at a Jimmy Carr gig? It's what he does. Everyone knows it's what he does. Don't go, don't watch and certainly don't log in to your YT account and watch a video and then fucking comment on it. That's totally retarded.

And why are you offended on his behalf?...

@crazyhorse1369 If you genuinely believe that, it makes Merritt vastly braver than you have the capacity to be. You can't do what he does.

Also, I can't ever get through a newspaper or news bulletin without reading about several instances of comedians being shot by massive cunts on a daily basis...

Never seen your stuff before, glad that I have now. Very funny and natural and total respect for handling yourself with such dignity. Life would be much better without douches, but a lot less funny too, there's some irony for you.

I don't normally watch videos of Chinese world-record building attempts, but when I do I watch them twice back-to-back. #sogoodwehadtoshowyouittwice

@lduych Totally agree, but even you must realise that is never going to happen.

@lmacorp Why are you such an idiot?

Religion is a coping mechanism for death.

You're going to die unless technology advances to a stage where we can genetically alter humans on a cellular level to be younger.

There is nothing waiting for you when you die. Your light goes. There was nothing before you and there is nothing after. Onl...

It's Bobby Moynihan from Saturday Night Live.