About this user
The Immature Americans Pledge to You: If there are things, there are things to make fun of. (And yes, I am aware that I ended that sentence in a preposition.) ((I am equally aware one musnt begin a sentence with and.)) Of course, (( and )) dont really exist. Then again, isnt that a matter for the philosophers? Arent philosophers just people without day jobs? Dont day jobs stink? Why dont people notice when they stink? It makes me wonder if I might stink? To find out, visit TheImmatureAmerican.com
Age
100
Country
United States
Interests
Worrying I might recognize my clothing and headless torso on a news feature about obesity. Trying to get a job at 3-Day Suit Broker so I can have 4 days a week off. Wondering if the cost of the briefcase is deducted from the mafia payoff money inside it. Laughing in frustration as the guy in front of me at the market pays in pennies, uses expired coupons and then asks for help with his cart while I'm standing behind him with one item or less. Remaining confused at why Denny's has locks on their doors if they're open 24 hours a day? Waiting for 70's celeb Chia Pets to be invented, like Isaac the Bartender. Being puzzled by Psychics who have 'For Lease' signs in their storefronts. Shouldn't they have known? Asking people who work out at 24 Hour Fitness what time their gym closes. Hating the smell of cigars unless I'm the one smoking them. Trying to cut through all of the imagery and symbolism in country music. Thinking airport security should include a mandatory deodorant spraying. Assuming French people's two least favorite words in the English language are 'Barbecue Sauce'. Believing that either baseball managers should wear suits or basketball coaches should wear shorts, but not both. Hoping if I die in a car accident, it's driving 'to' the gym, and not 'home' from the gym. At least save me one workout. Wondering why no one else notices that the Harlem Globetrotters break a lot of basketball rules. Convinced the world wouldn't change one bit if Joe Pesci's last name was Pesto instead of Pesci. Hoping being sneezed-on is a once-per-customer kind of thing. Wondering if you would be worse parents if, for your kids, you accidently rented 'Monsters Ball' instead of 'Monsters Inc' or 'A Bronx Tale' instead of 'An American Tail'. Thinking that if there wasn't something called 'ventriloquism', you'd think those guys were crazy. Believing 'Oye Como Va' was some mystical, insightful Spanish proverb, then finding out otherwise. Being annoyed by the drive-thru guy at Taco Bell for sizing me up and putting 'mild' salsa in my bag, without asking. Wondering whether a good person, who yells 'God Dammit' before dying in an accident, still gets to go to heaven. Calling unpopular telethons just to make my phone ring on tv. Thinking Fabio should be the new Mr. Roark in a Fantasy Island remake. Putting up signs in the men's locker room reminding that public hair dryers are for scalp hair only. Disliking food that comes in cube shapes. Worried about the future... Debating which fictional character smelled worse, Pa Ingalls or Ed Norton. Finding out the hard way that you can't wear denim with denim. For more funny pictures and audio, visit: TheImmatureAmerican.com Follow the Immature American on Facebook (The Immature American) and Twitter (immatureAMRCN) Need that special something for the person who hates everything? The Immature American's Guide to Japan is available on Amazon.com
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