About this user
Here are the "updated for modern society" 10 commandments of the 1 true God. He told me personally. I know he told me because I have voices in my head that tell me things. The voices in my head = GOD! I believe it, that settles it. Oh and he told me to tell you that I am God's final messenger..... for real this time, no foolin. Peace be upon me. Anyways here we go, the updated and modern day 10 commandments!
1) Thou shalt have no other Gods before me. Especially not the flying spaghetti monster. If anyone is found worshipping another God in a city, you must put that entire city to the sword, including all the cows that are there too. (Deuteronomy 13:12-15) Whats up with all the different denominations and religions that worship me? Haven't I made myself clear enough about what my will is?!
2) Don't look up to or idolize anyone other than me and my followers who obey me. Also anything other than my worship music is of the devil. Know ye not that unbelievers cast evil magic spells on music to influence your thoughts!
3) Thou shalt not take the name of the 1 true God in vain. Not even by accident! Or you'll be really sorry.
4) Remember to have a sabbath day of rest once a week. People who work too hard stress me out and deserve to die. (Exodus 31:12-15)
5) Honor your parents. I will make sure you live long and prosper if you do! But if you don't please your parents they can kill you by calling you a lazy glutton and a drunkard in front of people. Disobedient children deserve to die. (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
6) Don't kill anyone. Or was it don't murder? Meh.. unimportant details... However killing people is ok when someone who claims to represent me says so with a fatwa. Also people who refuse to believe your particular religeous dogmas deserve to die if torture won't convince them to believe (preferably intellectual torture through the concept of hell, or actual physical torture in extreme cases) Your immortal soul is more important than your earthly body, hurting yourself for the cause of the 1 true God is honorable.
7) Thou shalt not commit adultery. This includes masturbating, having impure sexual thoughts, and wet dreams too! (Matthew 5:28, Matthew 18:8-9, Deuteronomy 23:9) The 1 true God wants you to have life, and life more abundantly but don't be ridiculous! Thou shalt not rape, however raping women who aren't wearing a burka is ok, because they are asking for it. Especially if they are Jewish. And if a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman of the faith who is not engaged, he must pay her father for the damages incurred for the loss of the father's property. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her. (Deuteronomy 22:28-29) Women are pretending to be a prostitute if they wear colorful clothing including but not limited to jeans, skirts, and shorts. Only a burka is modest, everyone else is a whore. And YES its ok to force non believers to wear clothes you consider modest and arrest people who don't comply whether they like it or not! Religious police FTW! I also want you to persecute lesbians, gays, transgendered, and bi-sexual people for absolutely no reason other than because I said so. Remember that morality comes from God lowly worm! Don't ask questions. Can't you tell its not natural to be gay? Not natural = bad, kill it! The 1 true God doesn't make LGBT people, stop giving him and his followers a headache.
8) Don't steal. Thieves deserve to have their hands chopped off after 3 offences. It doesn't matter if you're stealing a candy bar or a robbing a bank, a sin is a sin and both sins deserve eternity in hell, fair is fair. But stealing from non believers is ok if its to further the agenda of the 1 true God.
9) Thou shalt not answer nor repeat testimony of anything unless you are an eyewitness to the account. But the good news of the 1 true God is ok though because thats different. Also don't lie. Unless its to trick non believers into the faith. Also it's ok to lie to people if it helps spread the 1 true God's agenda in any way.
10) Don't covet your neighbour's woman, toys, pets, or anything else that is thy neighbours. Get your own stuff. But its ok for the 1 true God to be jealous and vindictive when it comes to you though, because you are his personal property. He is always good and his jealousy is the good kind. And anyone who tries to think for themself in this matter is a filthy bedwetting infidel kuffar, and an apostate, and all apostates deserve death as everyone knows.
HE HAS SPOKEN!!! Oh and I almost forgot... love your neighbour as you love yourself is super important too, except for when it comes to loving the 1 true God. He always comes first and is above the golden rule. And he is ALWAYS beyond accountability to everyone. OR ELSE! Why does someone who is perfect need accountability anyways? Dumbass.
Age
32
Country
Canada
Like a Virgin Surgeon - The Hymenoplasty Song!
spook79
342 views
Remix I made using Weird Al Yankovich's Like a Surgeon and Madonna's Like a virgin! Enjoy.
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Remix by Azu & Saitama Saisyu Heiki
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Saitama Saisyu Heiki's alternate version of Holy Orders. On his discography this is also titled "justice is dead" but the better known version also has "exploding festival ...
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