About this user
i love street racing with my buddies
~~Old Man With The Peacock~~
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response...
'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
~~Bob and the Blonde~~~~~~ bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down at the bar next to a pretty blonde and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on and the news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building, preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Bob says, 'He'll jump.' The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!' Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'
~~~Bob and his money~~~
Bob replied, 'I can't take your money; I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.' The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' Bob took the money......
~~the cowboy~~
A cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Calgary, Alberta.
He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with
his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it,
the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke,
'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young
wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says,
'Nah, you go ahead.'
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the
bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse
in the chili.
The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the
chili back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'
~~Bartender~~~
A young man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots, the bartender asks "whoa whats the occasion?"
the young man replies "it was my first blowjob".... "well congratulations let me buy you another" says the bartender
"no thats okay" says the young man "if 7 doesnt get the taste out nothing will"
~~~Car in Lincoln's County~~~
A WV State Trooper was patrolling State RT. 10 in Lincoln County, when he notices a car puttering along at 10 mph. He thinks to himself,"This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact posted speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 10 was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken."
"Oh, they will be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
~~the kid on a dinner table~~
family at the dinner table. The son asks his father, Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised answers, Well son a woman goes through three phases, In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, They are like onions. "Onions? Yes you see them and they make you cry. This infuriated his wife and daughter, So the daughter said, Mom, how manykinds of willies are there? The mother surprised, smiles and answers, Well dear a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s his willy is like an oak tree, Mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, It is like a birch tree, Flexible but reliable. After his 50s, Its like a Christmas tree. A Christmas tree? Yes... Dead from the root up and the balls are just up for decoration.
Interests
Girls, Bicycling, BMX, Bowling, Hockey, Horseback Riding, Mountain Biking, Paintball, Skateboarding, Sky Diving, Snowboarding, Softball, Surfing, Clubbing, Cooking, Drinking, Driving, Gambling, Listening to music, Partying, Poker, Pool/Billiards, Shopping, Traveling, Darts, Raving, Flailing
Ferrari 355 With X OST Muffler
sosplz987654321
831 views
Ferrari passes by with an X OST muffler
Melbourne Shuffle Dance
sosplz987654321
311 views
Melbourne Shuffle Dance
Hidden Area of Need for Speed Most Wanted [HQ]
sosplz987654321
225 views
i can't believe this
Need For Speed Most Wanted Corvette Police
sosplz987654321
251 views
Damn the cop car goes pretty fast XD
Memonas F.E.A.R
sosplz987654321
62 views
Leave me a comment if u want
Midnight Club 2 Paris Race
sosplz987654321
266 views
Racing through paris
Final Pokemon Battle
sosplz987654321
34 views
GO POKEMON!!!!!!!
Chevy Engine into a 300zx
sosplz987654321
7,443 views
getting a Chevy engine putting it into a 300zx
300zx vs CRX Crazy Drag Race
sosplz987654321
10,145 views
300zx vs CRX Drag Race, Parts
Built Twin Turbo 300zx vs 600HP Firebird
sosplz987654321
21,576 views
Built Twin Turbo 300zx vs 600HP Firebird racing down the streets
Play all(36)