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Faux News.

Aired 1/16/2012.

To learn more about Ron Paul - http://www.RonPaul2012.com

If you can read them you can have them

dedicated to Ludwig van Beethoven

This is a collection of songs sung by Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Enjoy and thank you for watching!

The team of scientists says the $19 million dollar mission will put them in direct contact with a woman by 2018.

After Obama slips up during an address on health care, White House officials are forced to admit the president occasionally uses a backing track fo...

Excruciating up-to-the-minute coverage of some irrelevant bullshit story that has no ramifications whatsoever.

Stouffers says the suicide prevention tips are available on all single serving microwavable dinners whether you enjoy veal parmigiana alone or beef...

Tulane University researchers say Quigley is now able to experience the crippling fear of impending death previously only accessible to humans.

Suspect Alex Croft, who has a ton of black friends, planned to kill Obama because of his socialist agenda—not because of his skin color.

DEA Official Stephen Lovejoy says Matt Lovejoy was found in possession of 1/8th ounce of marijuana and a glass pipe in defiance of the law and his ...

Congress hopes the Pornographic Media Concealment Act will ensure a lasting, respectable legacy for our nation, unmarred by the massive quantities ...

In The Know panelists debate how a high quality product like the EZ-Go Juicer could be available at such a low, low price.

The new feature reduces Google phone users' cell phone costs while providing them with unobtrusive, personalized ads delivered in a friendly whisper.

Plagued for years by swirling rumors about its sexuality, soccer has finally come out, becoming the world's first openly gay sport.

Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on IFC. Women will now be allowed to fight on the front lines, provided a chaperone is there to make sure the...

Today Now's Jim Haggerty attends the annual Valentine's Day stoning, which brings comfort and joy to singles everywhere.

Tech Trends' Jeff Tate explains the new service that pairs insufferable Apple customers with "friends" that will listen to them rattle on for hours.

In The Know panelists discuss yesterday's truck accident, and why nothing was done to prevent the vehicle from accidentally spiraling out of contro...

"'Molly' and Developmental Psychologist Dr. Kenneth Ives come on Today Now! to talk about her upbringing as a half-human, half-Wolf Blitzer.

Panelists discuss the many ways in which our educational system caters to students who try, care, are awake.

Over 75% of an average American's exercise now comes from drunkenly dancing, stealing street signs, and carrying home passed-out friends.

Ohio police have been inundated with false sightings of college-age girls with dyed blond hair, Ugg boots, purple nail polish, and oversized sungla...

In The Know panelists discuss how Alcoholics Anonymous wreaks havoc on the friendships of Americans by turning the 'life of the party' into a sanct...

A new scam preys on the elderly by informing them they have died and instructing them to reroute their social security checks to the "Department of...

Oprah's biggest fans will be entombed alongside her in The Oprahmidion where they will bask in her wisdom for eternity.

President Obama's proposed high-speed train system will be replaced with a fleet of buses that will rocket along highways at speeds up to 165 mph.

President Obama announces plans to deliver a two-hour speech explaining his reasons for granting clemency to Cranberry, the Thanksgiving turkey.

Selection of the location for Paul McCartney's funeral is generating anticipation for the mourning period following his death.

The CDC's new anti-smoking campaign effectively reaches teens with a simple message: if you smoke, people are going to know you're totally crazy fo...

The court ruled a white teen who stabbed a classmate to death will face the jury as a 300-pound black man. Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on...

(Onion News Network, Fridays @ 10/9c on IFC) In this U-Say segment, Brooke exposes the sad truth about a history teacher who emailed to report an e...

(Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on IFC) Terrorists are planting normal, hard-working Muslim Americans throughout the nation to get us to lowe...

Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on IFC. After years of gridlock, Democrats and Republicans have realized no one remembers how to actually ena...

Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on IFC. The local Onion affiliate in Pennington, IL reports the tire is basically new and there for the taking.

Reporter Don Abrams speculates whether the woman got in a fight with her boyfriend or if maybe she just lost her job.

Full coverage tonight at 10/9c only on IFC TV. The irresistibly cute photo was forwarded millions of times before servers collapsed. Original phot...

Doctors in the state will now be able to act like they've just given a woman an abortion and send her on her way.

Panelists discuss how owning a top-of-the-line MacBook or an iPad 2 is actually essential to finding a new job.

Jim and Tracy welcome Chris Morgan, the kindergartener who wrote the latest action-packed "Fast And The Furious" sequel.

President Obama denies he's spending hours at billionaire Adelia Scott's bedside as part of a scheme to lower the national debt, but many Americans...

The Onion News Network Special Investigative Undercover Response Team reports on whether the nation's waitresses are just being friendly.

In order to spur coupling, the National Dating Agency has lowered standards to include gambling addicts and the morbidly obese.

Female friends spend a raucous night validating the living shit out of each other, an exhausted sweatshop worker just has to laugh after sewing her...