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Something had to break the downward spiral.
This something has been my slow, very slow, progression into truth and what life is really about. I already knew what a life immersed in darkness was. I do not want any more of that. I have had quite enough of despair.
I may give you a mix of my own life experience and my reasoning. God does say, "Come let us reason together."
I am a weak person. I have no strength of my own. My mind and will were not properly developed as a result of the destruction of my family and the introduction of pornography to my mind at a very young age. This led to a dissolution of my moral reasoning capabilities and a general breakdown of my ability to deal with life effectively and efficiently.
But, at the same time, I am rebellious, hard-headed, disobedient and non-conforming.