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Phil Johnson

If I Were A Girl by Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction - Worst Makeover Ever

980 views 11 months ago
http://www.PhilJComedy.com to download this song and a bunch of other cool stuff for free!

Special guest appearance by Tah Phrum Duh Bush: http://www.TahOnline.com

Fun Facts About This Video:
- The song "If I Were A Girl" was originally to be a parody of Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy", but morphed into something completely different. The original chord progression is still hinted at in the middle section of the chorus.

- The cashier at the dollar store where I bought the makeup asked if I was buying it for my girlfriend. When I told her it was for me in a music video, I'm pretty sure she didn't believe me.

- I did this entire video looking into a camera monitor rather than a mirror, which meant everything was opposite and moved in the opposite direction. Hence me drawing some things in the wrong direction.

- The people you see yelling "boobs!" during the chorus were audiences at my shows in San Francisco and Saratoga, CA as well as some comedian friends in the green room at the San Jose Improv.

- There is a visual reference to a bit from my standup DVD "Be Yourself...Unless You're An Idiot". Can you spot it?

- There is a not so hidden "Hidden Mickey" - I'm sure you can find it if you watch to the end. :)

Lyrics:
If I were a girl for even just one day
I'd be the kind of girl who's making her own way in life
With some power and some class
I'd be kind and generous with just a little sass
But chances are I'd never leave home

Cuz I got boobs and a hoo hoo
And nothing really better to do but me
With a Magic Wand from Hitachi
My friends will often ask me why my clothes are all askew
I'd be digging in my pockets like I was a kangaroo
Cuz nature will have blessed me with a man in a canoe
I've got boobs and a hoo hoo hoo

If I were a girl things would be so clear
I'd spend a couple hours just standing over a mirror for fun
Try to make it smile then frown
Dye the hair a rainbow, dress it up like a clown
Cuz now it's a two ring circus in my pants

I've got boobs and a hoo hoo
And nothing really better to do but me
With a bunny that takes batteries
I'd have to try and figure how to get inside a bra
It'd probably end up backwards and I'd rub my nay-nays raw
So throw it in the trash and flaunt them in their big debut
I've got boobs and a hoo hoo hoo

I'd probably be a lesbian
Because most of them
Alright some of them
Ok, a few of them
Are less hairy than men

If I were a girl I'd call up all the dudes
I'd say come over man, you've got to see my hooters, they're huge
I'm having trouble standing up
I don't even know if Playtex makes a G-cup
And where the hell am I bleeding from?

I don't want boobs or a hoo hoo
I never knew how much it blew to be excited about potpourri
My stomach is all crampy and my butt is getting huge
I'd love to kill the bastard that invented high heeled shoes
I had plans to teach my south mouth how to blow on a kazoo

But I don't want boobs or a hoo hoo
It's too much trouble, that darn hoo hoo
What are you staring at you pervert?
Why are you leaving me?
If you leave the toilet seat up again you're not getting anymore
You never bring me flowers
Oprah says you're and asshole
Don't you love me anymore?
I need chocolate!

You can download this song and many others at http://www.PhilJComedy.com

For fans of Stephen Lynch, Greg Behrendt, Flight of the Conchords, Garfunkel and Oates. But probably not Beyonce.
Read more
http://www.PhilJComedy.com to download this song and a bunch of other cool stuff for free!

Special guest appearance by Tah Phrum Duh Bush: http://www.TahOnline.com

Fun Facts About This Video:
- The song "If I Were A Girl" was originally to be a parody of Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy", but morphed into something completely different. The original chord progression is still hinted at in the middle section of the chorus.

- The cashier at the dollar store where I bought the makeup asked if I was buying it for my girlfriend. When I told her it was for me in a music video, I'm pretty sure she didn't believe me.

- I did this entire video looking into a camera monitor rather than a mirror, which meant everything was opposite and moved in the opposite direction. Hence me drawing some things in the wrong direction.

- The people you see yelling "boobs!" during the chorus were audiences at my shows in San Francisco and Saratoga, CA as well as some comedian friends in the green room at the San Jose Improv.

- There is a visual reference to a bit from my standup DVD "Be Yourself...Unless You're An Idiot". Can you spot it?

- There is a not so hidden "Hidden Mickey" - I'm sure you can find it if you watch to the end. :)

Lyrics:
If I were a girl for even just one day
I'd be the kind of girl who's making her own way in life
With some power and some class
I'd be kind and generous with just a little sass
But chances are I'd never leave home

Cuz I got boobs and a hoo hoo
And nothing really better to do but me
With a Magic Wand from Hitachi
My friends will often ask me why my clothes are all askew
I'd be digging in my pockets like I was a kangaroo
Cuz nature will have blessed me with a man in a canoe
I've got boobs and a hoo hoo hoo

If I were a girl things would be so clear
I'd spend a couple hours just standing over a mirror for fun
Try to make it smile then frown
Dye the hair a rainbow, dress it up like a clown
Cuz now it's a two ring circus in my pants

I've got boobs and a hoo hoo
And nothing really better to do but me
With a bunny that takes batteries
I'd have to try and figure how to get inside a bra
It'd probably end up backwards and I'd rub my nay-nays raw
So throw it in the trash and flaunt them in their big debut
I've got boobs and a hoo hoo hoo

I'd probably be a lesbian
Because most of them
Alright some of them
Ok, a few of them
Are less hairy than men

If I were a girl I'd call up all the dudes
I'd say come over man, you've got to see my hooters, they're huge
I'm having trouble standing up
I don't even know if Playtex makes a G-cup
And where the hell am I bleeding from?

I don't want boobs or a hoo hoo
I never knew how much it blew to be excited about potpourri
My stomach is all crampy and my butt is getting huge
I'd love to kill the bastard that invented high heeled shoes
I had plans to teach my south mouth how to blow on a kazoo

But I don't want boobs or a hoo hoo
It's too much trouble, that darn hoo hoo
What are you staring at you pervert?
Why are you leaving me?
If you leave the toilet seat up again you're not getting anymore
You never bring me flowers
Oprah says you're and asshole
Don't you love me anymore?
I need chocolate!

You can download this song and many others at http://www.PhilJComedy.com

For fans of Stephen Lynch, Greg Behrendt, Flight of the Conchords, Garfunkel and Oates. But probably not Beyonce. Show less
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