Well...I'm afraid I have already been allured by that heady scent upon the breeze that gently wafts from the shop doorway, and whispers..."come in, come in, you know you want to...."

I don't suppose you have a Self Help book you could perhaps recommend??

This is where I have stumbled, I fear...for volumes 1 and 5 were the only ones they had in the 50p box at St Brillos Autumn Bric a Brac sale....and a couple of pages were missing from vol 5, as well as some of the text being obscured by a large circular coffee stain on page 253, in the chapter about ventilated shoe inserts. I shall scour the local charity events in quest of the other volumes in the series, I MUST find them and cure this malady!!

Ahh!! I know of your great works......I am currently occupied with "Now You're Clean - Advice and Guidance for Post Self-Help-Book-Addicts"

I'm reading it now actually - can't put it down!!

But I see no mention of the fresh produce nor the condiment.....

Hmmm......the "self help" book, by its very nature, would perhaps cause further distress to an anxious crouton with little experience of the written word other than some chinese writing on the condiment bottle, that might be viewed only from a sideways perspective......however, should the doctors seek solace in the:
"Get Happy in 7 Days, and Stop Being So Ungrateful For Your Life Cos Youre Great!!!" , therapuetic methods....then perhaps such riots may not become the norm??

Or perhaps in such cases, a general consensus would indeed find the cause worthy of the solution?

Rather the taped mouth than the protruding tongue is the way.....excepting the shredded carrot, in which case might a light drizzling of medication be appropriate to minimise recourse to finger contact?

AHA!!!
But the truth speaking salad would surely then be gagged by means of the delicately quivering, trembling sellotape, would it not??

I have you on a clause, Mr Fisherman...speak in your defence, for your lack of clear backed plastic protocol is very incriminating....

But what if they speak the truth??
Should we then become as the shredded orange root and the foilage and the Heinz Salad Cream??

And what of the crouton?

But what of the lettuce and the condiment selection and just a sprinkling of finely grated carrot??

But the sellotape trembles a delicate quiver upon its span...
And does the jacket not liken one to a tortilla?