jtivin's channel

2,200 people got their limbs eaten.

Only witches deny evolution.

She held the bible in her hand, and said "now I know". Then God was like "SHIT!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FIND THE QURAN THAT I LEFT THERE SUPERNATURALLY!!! DAMN IT, Lost another heathen"

Loved Trebek's response.

It'd be great if it said "finding hitmen near your location" lol

"Science replaces private prejudice

With publicly verifiable evidence"

I want that looped over and over when a preacher or someone decides to preach in public.

*watches video*

*looks at Church of Scientology ad/..I'm a Mormon ads at the side

Fuck off, batshit crazy anti-reason anti-evidence bullshitters.

Find the nearest At&t store, Siri.

I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

What's the problem?

I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

What are you talking about, Siri?

This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

I don't know what you're talkin...

Haha. This was Matt Dillahunty's future fiance. She was trolling the show.

haha at 17:44, that's exactly why his church doesn't want kids watching this show, they know this show will turn people away from their supposed "truth".

Exterminate! Exterminate! Err, Blend! Blend!

in the plane cockpit:

Terrain BEEP terrain, pull up BEEP pull up terrain terrain BEEP BEEP

in the BMW cockpit:

fuck i'm tired, need moar coffee need moar coffee

"I'm hijacking the airplane! Now let's fly to Australia!"

"We don't have enough fuel. We only carry as much as we need."

"The inflight magazine says we can fly that far!"

*facepalm*

I would have told him "look at the shit they sell in the Skymall magazine, you really want to trust that?!"

"Fly us to Australia!"

"We don't have enough fuel! We only carry as much as we need!"

"The inflight magazine says we can go to Australia!"

*facepalm*

"That is messed up!" Precisely, and you believe it wholeheartedly!

Like that doesn't get old *rolls eyes*

"Billions of atoms and trillion ^ 2 of DNA splattered throughout the universe"

Is he saying the number of atoms in the universe is only in the billions and there are at least 1*10^24 units of DNA? Or that there's simultaneously billions of atoms of DNA and 1*10^24 atoms of DNA?

what a great sc...

@mushroomartist His voice sounded like someone high on morphine.

@JMCTechReviews the lady is Catherine Zeta Jones (T-Mobile) and the taller guy is Dan Hesse, CEO of Sprint (at least that's who I think he is)

I had FiOS installed the other day and i tried blowing up stuff but the tech just ran away... then I didn't get FiOS :(

at 2:16 he should have been like "I should have gotten FiOS TV, like Stalin!"

@Pfisiar22 no, Republicans convince people that the gays are after them, Muslims want to impose Sharia law on everyone, the liberals will steal every penny from your $50 checking account, and everyone has to vote for Republicans to stop the liberal Muslim gays from destroying your way of life.

Alex Shrub sounds like a real Republican, only more honest. "I've ensured important tax breaks for gun retailers, real estate developers, and I've cut the cost of policing, saving the city 2%, or 25 cents per household, over a 6 year period."

Haha. Even i think Schiff is full of shit but at least he's intelligent. The problem with smart people in the GOP is they go nowhere, just look at how Republicans chose Linda McMahon instead of Schiff.

I'M A MONSTAAAAAAHHH!!!!

@PerpetualBurnFan Your Pokemon are now healed, And they're born and raised in SOUTH DETROOIT!!

Shockingly, he still makes more sense than Glenn Beck.

you can always tell a Milford man.

12 people aren't into analraping.

The police are like "WTF?!" you hax.

"Hi, friends, Goldie Wilson III here for Wilson Car Missile Conversion Systems. You know, when my grandpa was mayor of Liberty City, he had to worry about traffic problems. But now, you don't have to worry about traffic! I'll Car-Missile-convert your old road car into a DARPA destruction machine ...

I lol'd the most at 0:33

That wasn't my trick Chris.

It's my illusion. *Snaps fingers, Big Bird catches on fire*

Why am I not going underwater?! DEAR GOD WHY AM I NOT GOING UNDERWATER?!?!!?!

Hitler should get an Epic 4G, oh wait, it has no Froyo upgrade, that'll be another rant.

something tells me Hitler would've liked iOS better, probably because of the fascist control of Steve Jobs (and I'm betting Hitler would've admired Jobs's undying hatred for Flash, kind of like Hitler's hatred for jews).

The girl is pretty hot and tall. I wonder who she is.

At 1:51 he's like "What are you doing, let go of me!" "OK!", that reminded me in The Dark Knight when Batman is like "Let her go!" and Joker was like "Very poor choice of words!"