I am 4 metres high; I have the complexion of a newborn deer and the disposition of a tube of toothpaste. I live with my 80 year old mother in a massive hollowed out cucumber. By day I process compensation claims for people involved in freak accidents involving vacuum cleaners, by night I kill and butcher local cats and am developing my own range of clothing from the skins. I like swimming in the park, jogging in the sea, fireside spats, pubs, clubs, bats and axes and talking with dewy eyed puppies about eastern philosophy.