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A lovingly crafted and charmingly rough-around-the-edges music video for Song For The Painfully Indie, probably the most overtly bile-filled track on my new album, Painfully Mainstream. Which you can order today, for delivery.

Or get it off iTunes.

Or listen to and buy it on Bandcamp. Where it's streaming for free! Yeah!

The lovely people who gave their time to help make this video are:

recorder player/pervy friend: http://www.youtube.com/charlie
band member/club friend: http://www.youtube.com/eddplant
bassist/club friend: http://www.youtube.com/moohalaa
club friend/bar friend: http://www.youtube.com/lomasca
lady bassist: http://www.youtube.com/georgieboom
girl in question: http://www.youtube.com/hatticusrex
drummer/awesome jumper wearer: http://www.youtube.com/easty1

As well as wonderful friends and family who are NOT INTERNET ENOUGH TO BE REFERRED TO BY URL.

Also, thanks to Tom from www.youtube.com/studentbreakfast for helping me edit and colour correct this beast.

Tom

PS: Lyrics? Oh, go on then.

There's a girl there on the dancefloor
And I don't know how to greet her
Now heterosexuality's
Not my defining feature
They said skinny jeans and cardigans
Were the only way to go
But it seems that Oxfam employees
Are not the ones who know just how it works

Give me a minute
While I fiddle with my hair
Cause you keep telling me that it looks fine
But I'm the one who cares
About a good impression being made
Cause I'm the one who might get laid
Don't tell me how the game is played
Don't tell me how the game is played

And I don't want to talk to her and take her hand
In case she tells me her favourite band is not my favourite band
How would I know which drink she'd want me to buy
When do I look her in the eye
When did the indie music scene become so over-fussed
With social inadequacy being such a must

Dont' knock me to the ground
If I'm already falling
It'll only make things worse you know
I always knew my calling was the stage
This evening's filling me with rage
I only wish I had some sage advice to give me
The indie handbook volume three would read

Show girls you fancy them
By getting with their boyfriends
Replace your party loving mates
With awkward, greasy, coy friends
Who like listening to Sonic Youth
You always must appear aloof
Remember no amount of faking
Will make your indie band groundbreaking

Don't think you're special or much less of a disgrace
Just because you've got yourself a lady who plays bass
Don't bother finding somebody to play descant recorder
Yeah that won't put you back in working order

You haven't got a different sound
You aren't part of the underground
You haven't been together long
So try to write some bloody decent songs

The girl's outside now
Talking to a taxi driver
If she were coming home with me
It'd only cost a fiver to my door
I'd talk to her but I am sure
She must've heard it all before from guys
Oh I could cry
That's probably the reason why

She's dressed just like a lesbian
I hear it's quite a craze
You can hardly move in pubs
For all the lesbians these days
But it hardly matters if she's gay
It's time to move on anyway
I'll see you guys here half past ten
Tomorrow evening, do it all again (less info)