Today as i was sitting on my laptop i came across one of xnileyxsomeday's videos. Then i went to her channel, and saw something that inspired me deeply. i read her description, and i came to realise one thing; WHAT AM I DOING HERE?? ive had my yt account for a while. i ONLY used it once a month, and ONLY to watch videos. i had no friends or anything& i didnt talk to anyone. i didnt even know that this was a networking site. i thought it was only for videos! i didnt know there were collab channels, tutorials, or sony vegas. then one day, while i was home for the 2010 christmas holiday, i accidentally came across some user's channel. i was facinated, and excited as i saw what ppl were doing here. then i started uploading these final fantasy videos, and the more times i spent here, the more thing i learned. then i started using wmm. later i went to videopad, and with time, i came to understand more and more about yt. in less than a week, i was deeplly and terribly obssesed. my darkest hours were when i'd wake up at 6 am in the morning, while everyone esle was sleepig, so i can vid and come online. there were times that i just COULDNT stay away. we would go on family parties, and id take my laptop, and my cousins were asking me to hang with them but id rather be online. my friends would come to watch a movie and id be online. id stay home from school cause i was sick, and ID BE ONLINE. soon, me and my best friend from school faded away cause id stay home on a saturday night and not go out to be online. and id ask myself; "how could i lose her?? where did i go wrong??" and now ill regret whasting the past few months on this dark whole. while my world was basically falling apart, i was online. same with facebook, so now i gave it up. but as many times as ive said to give up yt.. i cant. believe me i tried soo hard, soo many times. i just CANT. i pray at night that i get the collab part or that ill join this tutorial channel or collab channel, or that my friends will collab with me. instead of asking God to help me find my way again, i pray for my yt standings to rise. i hate what ive become, and i want my old life back. today i asked my sister: "what was our lives before the internet??" and she laughed and said: "happy." and ive thought: "am i happy??" no. im not happy. im ashamed to even admit this obsession of mine, not even my friends know what i do infront of this laptop. my mom and my sister know cause they found out, but i guess theyre okay with it. but my mum is sad that i spend so much time on here. last year i had the best grades of my life. this year i failed. YES. i admit it. i lied to u. i FAILED MATHS. NOT ALMOST. I ACTUALLY FAILED. i have to give the test again in one week, and i havent even opened one book. ill probably have to repeat the year. im so ashamed. i need ur support since i dont have my familys or firends support, cause im too ashmed to admit to them what i do. but form this night on, ill pray that ill find my way and quit this whaste of my youth and life. GO OUTSIDE. HAVE U SEEN HOW BRIGHT THE SUN IS TODAY? NO? THATS CAUSE UR STUCK HERE ALL DAY. wanna know something, u WONT belive?? I HAVE A POOL. ONE WICH I GET IN ONCE A MONTH CAUSE IM ON THE LAPTOP. what would U do if u had a pool?? stay on the laptop all day? no. so im asking u; IS THIS ALL WORTH? IS THIS A WAY TO LIVE? no. all i want is ur support, im begging u. its sad what ive become. i hate mylife, myself. i cry at night. its sad. I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK. so here i am, making up for the time ive whasted. thank u xnileyxsomeday for inspiring me, and thank u God for being next to me thru it all. so im done. im staring fresh. i feel like a new person. from now on ill be on ONCE A WEEK FOR TOW MINUTES. and with this rate, soon ill quit. i wanna thank God for being next to me, sinah, cause shes been here thru it ALL. and i mean it. ive known her for almost a year. shes my everything, and im sorry to all my yt friends but SHES number one and she'll ALWAYS BE my one and only. also shannon the love of my life my shining star, the light of my life, for making me smile, and laugh tru hard times. i guess thats it. thanks for taking the time to read this, really it means the world to me that someone is reading my pain, and it feels good to get it out. and if ure a user that just joined yt, im telling u this; ITS BETTER TO KILL URSELF THAN DIE HERE SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY. so if u just started yt, just leave the way u came; HAPPY. before it scars u for life, and before its too late. cause ur on ur own. also, understand that this is a place of LIES. they say they love u when they dont. understand that u dont really love anyone here. its an illusion. u lie to urself trying to convince other users AND urself that u really love them when u dont. its impossible to love an icon or a pretty colorful channel. cause thats just what this all is a pretty picture that behind it theres a monster hiding, seeking to suck all the life outta until ur nothing...

you know why im always sad? cause i'm always teeling my self that im a loser, and i have nothing to live for, and that im whasting my life here. ive never told my self that im beautiful, and that i have a wonderful life& friends. have YOU even encouraged yourself? mabye you did, and mabye you didn't. but i swear, the day i started to tell my self what a wonderful life im living, and how lucky i am; was the day that i felt better about my self. honestly you should try it. But i'm sorry to all the people i said 'i love you' to. no i don't. i love my mum not some stranger. sorry, i just dont. i don't love ANYONE here. nope. i'd take a bullet for u? fuck you. HELL NO I WOULDN'T. if a bullet was coming right at you i'd just stare. cause i might like people here, and talk to them for fun, but i don't 'breath' and 'live' for anyone here, and i certantly would never take a bullet for them. i'd take a bullet for my family, not any of YOU losers. i bet if i died most of you wouln't give a flying shit. but it's okay cause i wouldn't either since i don't really 'love' anyone here. no offence, but fuck you, cause you don't love me either. you don't love ANYONE here. the world 'love' has lost its meaning. ugh. i hate myself for telling some stranger sitting on their laptop that i love them. it's like walking in the street telling people you love them and that you live breath,and u'd die for them. i tell my mum that i love her. the woman who gave birth to me. who gave up everything for me. not a STRANGER. too all people whasting their lives here; FUCK YOU. but honestly, save yourself. before it's too late... oh, and stop telling people u love them u MORONS. it could even be an old man sitting on a laptop. ugh imagine that? WHAT THE HELL ARE U EVEN DOING HERE?????????? what are u looking for? have u EVER even sked urselves these questions? i doupt it. but mabye u did, but ure just soo drawn in this dark whole, and soo deeply obsessed, that u dont really care what ur doing here, aslong as ure here; ur happy. thats an OBSESSION. ill tell u something and dont get me wrong; if ure here, and u dont find anything wrong with it; URE SICK. u need help. and mostly support. so tell ur mum, ur friends EVERYONE U KNOW what ur doing on ur computer, and GET SOME HELP PLEASE. if ur too ashamed to admit it, then its even worse. please ask for help, because efore u know it, years and years and years will pass and ull still be on here whasting ur life as it is. almost a year passed and i didnt even realise it. so im done. im not afraid to admit that im obsessed and depressed. please tell someone, its not a shame. its an even bigger shame if u sit here and die. mabye it wont really kill u, but itll eat ur insides, and destroy u phsycologicly. WTF ARE U DOING HERE? ITS NOT EVEN FUN GODDAMN IT! its not even fun.. there is nothing nice or fun or pretty about this place, its a whaste of life. its a dark whole that will suck anyone who stands too close to it, and once ure sucked in; u can NEVER find ur way out again. i hope i inspire u when u read this, so ull never sign in again, and that ull say: "im closing my account goddammit and im never coming back" cause thats what i keep saying to myself. the only reason im still here is sinah. my heart will hurt if i leave her, and ill always regret letting her go. bt with all the bad memories ill have from this hell, ill also remember coming online at 6 am in the morning to see if she replyed my comments, cause thats how important to me she is. i say i love her, but mabye i dont. but shes still important to me, whether i love her or not, and she will always be. again, thanks for reading, and im saying it again; LEAVE WHILE U STILL HAVE THE CHANCE. run away.. ANYWHERE, as long as ur as far away from this place as possible. just LEAVE NOW. there is still a life ahead of u so live it while u still have it and while u still can! and sinah, never forget about me okay? anyway AGAIN thanks for reading this and thanks for taking the time to consider what u read. hope that from now on, u will think about whether u should sign in again, or not. also if u read this, take the time to comment and tell me how u fell too. ill support u since i understand u. i wanna delete but i wont. no. ill leave my desc so other users can read it, and understand my pain, and mabye also understand that theyre lieing to themselves and that they should give it up too. so, there u go.