Going to Skåne to see my sister's family in Lund today and my cousin in Malmö tomorrow. Maybe the lady on Hawaii is back in Sweden after all? If she is, then she knows where I'll be.

Going to see the newborn baby. Exciting. Her name is Ester Maria B. making her initials EMB which reminded me of EMD, hence the tune. EMB could denote the Earth-Moon Barycenter. Guess that's quite accurate picture of her to her parents the coming months.

Learned that I'm not considered for the work in Lund. Sad in a way. Yet' it emphasize that I need to focus on my papers. I've given them a chance to use my competence. If they still not interested when I've published my papers it's another question. Realize it is half a year since the lady on Hawaii stopped writing on her blog. I miss it truly. If it is true that she is in detention It saddens me much. Wish I could hold her hand and support her. And I'm irresponsible so maybe she worries over that in addition. I don't promise anything, but I know what I should do, thinking of this most of the time hasn't brought me closer to meeting the lady, maybe solving my own issues will make her more interested to meet me. I hope. You're always on my mind...

My sister just gave birth to a daughter. My cousin got engaged a few days ago and my other sister's daughter has her birthday this week. Sense that I ought to be happy, yet I can't stop wondering why I can't be happily together with the lady on Hawaii. Of course if she doesn't like me and let me know that's not much I can do about, but I keep thinking she has spent two years writing loving texts to me; there must be real emotions behind. And if not why? Just a big joke, I can't imagine. At times I get angry, but it's not of much help (and not very lovely). I should start working on my papers, I know, but it's so hard to concentrate.

I rest my case today.

A recent post in the urbanist network, 'Heden für alle", is about building houses on the open-space in central Gothenburg called Heden. The name of that post led me to the first tune, a schlager by Wind from the 80s. Stayed on the German theme with two more songs.

Valentine's day today ;). My thoughts go to the lady on Hawaii. It is so surreal. If she really is in detention I wish she is let out soon. If she goes to Sweden she is welcome. I still love her. Then, there is the girl I met on a party a few weeks ago. I doubt she reads here, but she is the most gorgeous lady I have ever met. I love her too. The neighbor finally I watched in the courtyard for a long time yesterday. Or adored maybe I should say. I so wish we could be... friends. My love to you all!

Applied for a Postdoc position in Lund, Sweden last night.

Going to the coast. Wonder whether the straight is frozen all over.

Still breathing.