Want to Subscribe?
Sign In or Sign Up now!

A native of Dublin where he lived for 33 years until, fearing crucifixion, he followed the example of St. Patrick's snakes and went to the UK just in time to avoid the stress of the boom in the Irish economy.

Now working in London and living in Buckinghamshire with wife and cat close to Chequers, the Prime Minister's country residence.

This and the fact I work within sight of Big Ben and Scotland Yard I'm obviously a prime terrorist target and hope I won't be recognised from my photo!

I subscribe fully to my townsman, George Bernard Shaw's, opinion "The Irish are a very honest people, they never speak well of each other".

My other townsman, Brendan Behan's, opinion that "Irish and Jewish organisations have much in common, the first item on the agenda is always THE SPLIT!" is also worthy of honourable mention.

However the "ultimate compliment" award goes to another of my townsmen; Johnathan Swift, Dean of St. Patrick's Cathedral, who left all his money in his will to found a psychiatric hospital (still extant to this day) called St. Patrick's and who wrote his will in verse;

"He gave what little wealth he had,
to found a house for fools and mad,
to show with one satiric touch,
no nation needed it as much."

Enough said!

Like all Irish people I carry the mental baggage of being traumatised 3 fold:

Firstly - For 3 years in the 19th Century we had no potatoes and had to eat Cod without chips. Never mind that the rest of the World has had several wars since, this left all Irish people traumatised. Luckily this won't happen in the future as the Rape of the Oceans means we'll be eating chips without Cod.

Secondly - I'm a member of the Irish Diaspora but Mary Robinson is no longer President and lighting a candle in the window for me each night.

Thirdly - There will be no more episodes of Father Ted. Feck!

I rest my case.