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i own several cartons of dairy produce i ran over a carrot the other day, he didn't seem to mind so i drove off. i once spent 3 days thinking i was a fish till i realised i didn't have any fins......or gills...... or scales but apart from that i think it's a very easy mistake to make and don't we all have an inherent fear of batter and chips. i once used a mobile phone....it wasn't mine but the genie in the battery pack said i could have it on pay as you go for 44.99, he was a nice genie unlike the genie that bit off my arm.......it grew back though. have you ever wondered what on earth is the function of a trellace.....i have. i stood inside a gazeebo once and buck rogers came up to me and told me the world was gonna end in 3 days..... i hit him round the head with a piece of 2x4 from that experience i found out 2 things first: the world actually wasn't gonna end 3 days later it was 4 and secondly: buck rogers has a lot of blood in his head. ever wondered if you could squeeze ant and decs heads hard enough to make their eyes pop out. ever wanted to spend a vacation in mordor courtesy of the 'happy sauron travel industry': they do some great package deals. have you ever danced for four days straight only to realise you're fresh out of noodles...i have it isn't a pleasent experience. ever locked yourself in a room for 36 days wacthing the flash gordon movie back to back......well that explains charles manson. ever done an impression of donald duck only to find out that he's standing right behind you.....oh the awkward silence but i can remember back to it with a smile now..... the silence was soon ended by the gurgling and spluttering of donald's last few desperate gasps for air..because i had just sliced through his throat with a 3 foot length double bladed sword, but that's me anything to avoid an uncomfortable silence. ever dressed up to go out only to find you are wearing exactly the same thing as your date? you may think that this occurance is rare but it seems to happen all the time amongst nudists.....ever thrown a wet lettice at a football player just because you can't stand the fact they are getting payed millions to ponce about on a football pitch for 90 minutes.... ever eaten too much chocolate, felt guilty about it and then eaten a pointy eared person to conteract it and keep you elfy (yes i know that's a crap pun but you spout useless chaff for this long it's not easy you know, god i have way too much time on my hands.) ever wanted to use a macdonalds staff members face as a dot to dot.....i don't anymore because it is a scientific fact that every single macdonalds staff member has exactly the same pattern to thier acne and that is the pattern of a 1986 austin maxi.