ARNOLD THE SPATULA by Tenacity Smith
Chapter One
Once upon a time there was a wooden spatula named Arnold. Arnold lived in a drawer with lots of other utensils. There was a tin opener named Shirley, an electric carving knife named Colin and a metal fish-slice named Simon. Every morning a clammy hand would reach into the drawer, knock Colin and Shirley out of the way, completely ignore Arnold, and take out Simon.
Ever since Simon arrived in the drawer, Arnold had been lying on his side, up against the plastic tray where the McAdams lived. All the other utensils hated the McAdams with their special tray, the stuck-up bastards. Even Simon with his frequent trips to the frying pan wished he were slim enough to fit into the snug recess where the bread knife lived.

Arnold longed to be out in the hustle and bustle of a busy kitchen again; flipping burgers, shaping eggs into nice uniform circles, even scraping bird shit off the kitchen window would at least be a bit of fresh air. The thing was that Simon could do all of the jobs that Arnold could do and he was slightly wider. Simon was nicely angled too, so he didn't tend to let eggs slip off onto the floor the way Arnold used to do.

Chapter Two
Arnold hated Simon, and secretly wished something terrible would happen to him and all the other metal fish-slices. Then one day a great fire swept through the city where Arnold and the other utensils lived, like a hot orange broom or something. The kitchen where Arnold and the others lived was completely destroyed. Arnold, being made of wood and lying in a wooden drawer was reduced to nothing but a pile of ashes. Simon, on the other hand, being made of stainless steel and lying in a sink full of soapy water, survived the fire completely unscathed. When the people who owned the kitchen reckoned up what they had lost, they all agreed that Arnold truly was a useless piece of shit and wouldn't be missed in the slightest.

EPILOGUE

The kitchen was rebuilt after the fire and all the things that survived the fire, including Simon, lived happily ever after. It is said, however, that if one stands in the centre of the kitchen at midnight on the anniversary of the great fire, a thin wooden voice can be heard to whisper, "you bastard, you shiny metal usurping bastard". THE END

ARNOLD THE SPATULA by Tenacity Smith
Chapter One
Once upon a time there was a wooden spatula named Arnold. Arnold lived in a drawer with lots of other utensils. There was a tin opener named Shirley, an electric carving knife named Colin and a metal fish-slice named Simon. Every morning a clammy hand would reach into the drawer, knock Colin and Shirley out of the way, completely ignore Arnold, and take out Simon.
Ever since Simon arrived in the drawer, Arnold had been lying on his side, up against the plastic tray where the McAdams lived. All the other utensils hated the McAdams with their special tray, the stuck-up bastards. Even Simon with his frequent trips to the frying pan wished he were slim enough to fit into the snug recess where the bread knife lived.

Arnold longed to be out in the hustle and bustle of a busy kitchen again; flipping burgers, shaping eggs into nice uniform circles, even scraping bird shit off the kitchen window would at least be a bit of fresh air. The thing was that Simon could do all of the jobs that Arnold could do and he was slightly wider. Simon was nicely angled too, so he didn't tend to let eggs slip off onto the floor the way Arnold used to do.

Chapter Two
Arnold hated Simon, and secretly wished something terrible would happen to him and all the other metal fish-slices. Then one day a great fire swept through the city where Arnold and the other utensils lived, like a hot orange broom or something. The kitchen where Arnold and the others lived was completely destroyed. Arnold, being made of wood and lying in a wooden drawer was reduced to nothing but a pile of ashes. Simon, on the other hand, being made of stainless steel and lying in a sink full of soapy water, survived the fire completely unscathed. When the people who owned the kitchen reckoned up what they had lost, they all agreed that Arnold truly was a useless piece of shit and wouldn't be missed in the slightest.

EPILOGUE

The kitchen was rebuilt after the fire and all the things that survived the fire, including Simon, lived happily ever after. It is said, however, that if one stands in the centre of the kitchen at midnight on the anniversary of the great fire, a thin wooden voice can be heard to whisper, "you bastard, you shiny metal usurping bastard". THE END