Profile
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Joined:
May 9, 2011
About Me:
two years ago today since her stroke and i have been striving to ignore the days of october (even knowing, this was the day she last spoke to my son; or this was the day she fell asleep murmuring my name, not aware she was in the hospital) but i woke up crying this morning and i can't remember my dream. just that my mind wouldn't allow me to forget this date, and the silence that has followed it.
and then of course i knew where my rings were, and went and retrieved them from the back closet by the piano, where i'd managed to stash them with a lot of other things, in a canvas storage box, things i piled up in a rush when betty was coming to visit me and i wanted everything to look clean, and emptier than it usually does here. i'd been so certain i'd never put anything so important in with a bunch of - stuff - but they were there, in a little tray, under some framed photographs of all of us, younger, her rings, now my hands feel right again.
i've been avoiding work and much of life outside of these book lined walls with a vengeance, and feel that hand on the back of my neck today, pushing me forward.
you muddle along in the ocean and sometimes swim and then the sudden waves. knock you down.