You Might Be a JW If ...

-If you think that service to God can be measured in hours, you might be a JW.
-If you see no problem with arguing that a loving god would never create a hell, while at the same time promoting the idea that this same god is about to kill all non-JW human beings in a fair judgment, you are a JW.
-If you believe that it is a example of love and kindness to visit with your grandchildren while forcing your ex-JW daughter to sit in the car outside, you might be a JW.
-If you think passively taking in repetitious brainwashing at several meetings a week is a delightful spiritual experience, you might be a JW.
-If you cannot imagine that people are capable of ethical and loving behavior outside of complete social control, you may be a JW.
-If you feel that it is ethical behavior to shun (rather than counsel) people in your religious group who have committed a sin, you may be a JW.

-If u allow a corporation to take the place of God, u may be a JW - or u may just be an American making an offering to the real religion of the majority - money.
-If u think the spiritual center of God's Kingdom is in New York City, u are either a stockbroker or a JW.
-If u have ever reported a spouse to the elders for requesting oral sex, u are probably a JW.
-If u think it's an act of unfaithfulness to God to get an education or a decent job, u might be a JW.
-If u feel u have a great wealth of Bible knowledge - despite never having gone to school beyond 12th grade and/or never having read any biblical scholarship - u might be a JW.
-If u think the name "Jehovah" appeared in the original writings of the Greek Scriptures, u are a JW.
-If u believe that only anonymous and somewhat secretive organizers in Brooklyn can dictate which bible texts are to be interpreted literally and which symbolically, u are a JW.
-If a biblical statement outright disagrees with what is taught in the Watchtower - but u believe the Watchtower is correct, u are most probably a JW.
-If u think demons choose to reside in jewelry, furniture, china, books or blue smurfs, u might be a JW.
-If u think that all men with facial hair are unacceptable, u might be a JW.
-If your reaction to someone wearing a cross is the same as a vampire's, u might be a JW.
-If u think JW's are not an authoritarian cult, u are probably a JW.
-If u think elders can be 30 years old, u might be a JW (or a Mormon).
-If u can imagine newspaper headlines that read "All humans on earth except JWs are destroyed!" with joy in your heart, you'd be a JW.
-If u have constant pain in your right shoulder and can't unclasp your right hand, u probably have "bookbagitis" - making u a student or a JW, but probably not both.
-If u can't have a conversation with another human being without saying "Jehovah," u are a JW.
-If u eat turkey on Thanksgiving and feel guilty about it but insist that it is only because they were "on sale," u are a JW in denial.
-If u wrap presents in brown paper to give each other on "Family Gift Day," u are a JW with too many "worldly associations."
-If u have a child that is 3 years old that sits quietly for hours at a time while adults discuss mind-numbingly boring topics around him, u have broken your child's spirit and u might be a JW.
-If u believe that God ignored everyone for nearly 2,000 years, then suddenly gave His truth to a man who sat around drawing pictures and plans of pyramids, u must be a JW.
-If u insist on calling the New Testament the Greek Scriptures, u might be a JW.
-If - when u drive by a church or synagogue or mosque or temple - u suddenly feel smug and superior, u might be a JW.
-If you're sure your neighbors are all conspiring against you, u might be a JW.
-If you're always afraid someone might see and hear u when you're finally just being "normal", u might be a JW.
-If most of the songs u sing have numbers for titles, u might be a JW.
-If u wash cars, repair refrigerators, install flooring, or clean houses for a living - but still own at least five suits or dresses, u might be a JW.
-If u can have a Bible study without a Bible, u might be a JW.
-If u go to New York for the weekend and spend a whole day in a publishing factory in Brooklyn, u might be a JW.
-If the words "New Light" do not remind u of the hardware section at K-Mart, u might be a JW.
-If u find out that your co-worker's mother died, and your first thought is that it's a great opportunity to talk about the Kingdom... u might be a JW.
-If the thought of entering a Christian bookstore sends shivers up and down your spine, u might be a JW.
-If u have no construction skills and u still go to all the nearby quick-build Kingdom Hall projects, u might be a JW trying to get out of field service.
-If u fully expect never to give or receive a present in December, u are probably a JW.
-If Gospel music makes u cringe, but Kingdom Songs make u feel good, u have to be a JW (and who else knows the Kingdom Songs?)
-If the word "apostate" makes u shiver in terror, u might be a JW.
-If u think 1914 is a significant year in an apocalyptic timeline, u might be a JW.
-If u think (or used to think) that 1975 was a significant year in an apocalyptic timeline, u are probably a former JW.
-If u think 1799 is the start of the last days, 1874 is when Christ returned, and 1914is the conclusion of Armageddon, u might be a very old, disfellowshipped JW.
-If u think you, on your own, misinterpreted or imagined the year 1975 as the year the end would come, thereby absorbing all responsibility away from the Watch Tower Society, u are a JW in good standing.
-If u think that a door slamming shut is actually a form of persecution against the righteous, u might be a JW.