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Matthew & Katie: Save the Date TheHumanCow 135 views I finally finished our save the dates! Heavily inspired by the intro to (500) Days of Summer...
Porter-Gaud Class of 2004 Thanksgiving Play TheHumanCow 46 views Amazing.
Son of Awesomemobile TheHumanCow 41 views Noel and I built a hovercraft out of a leaf blower, some plywood, and a sheet of plastic. It was awesome.
Hitting a Cell Phone into a Wall with Golf Clubs TheHumanCow 82 views In high school, Noel, Leslie, and I hit a couple cell phones into a brick wall with an old persimmon driver. This is the stupidest video ever.
Line Rider: Pretty Cool I Guess TheHumanCow 24,250 views Here is my Line Rider course. It is awesome. Now I will continue my Linear Algebra homework.
WARRENpeace - Take Me Out TheHumanCow 164 views WARRENpeace reunites for former cow suit wearer Noel's 20th birthday. They performed Franz Ferdinand's international smash hit "Take Me Out"
WARRENpeace - Werewolves of London TheHumanCow 15,044 views WARRENpeace's penultimate song during their legendary Porter-Gaud show was another Warren Zevon classic, "Werewolves of London"
WARRENpeace - I Believe in a Thing Called Love TheHumanCow 682 views WARRENpeace finishes their "Live at Porter-Gaud School" album with the timeless classic "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by the British rock gods The Darkness
WARRENpeace - One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces TheHumanCow 1,449 views WARRENpeace covers "One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" by the interminable Ben Folds. Men all over the world wept in joy.
WARRENpeace - Lawyers, Guns, and Money TheHumanCow 8,117 views WARRENpeace continues their dominance of the Porter-Gaud stage with their cover of the late Warren Zevon's "Lawyers, Guns, and Money"

About LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING

Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink.

humancow.com

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TheHumanCow

Latest Activity

Dec 22, 2011

Date Joined

Aug 4, 2006

About this user

My name is Matthew, and those who know me compare me to Jeff Goldblum, Milli Vanilli, or John C. Calhoun, depending on the weather. On good days I like to bless the world with selections from my font of wit. On bad days I like to push shopping cards into orphanages. I have started a mosh pit at a concert during the guitar solo of "Bohemian Rhapsody." I used to drive a pickup truck with spinning rims and grass growing in the back. I am undefeated at air hockey (that didn't count, Rhett). My favorite high school memories involve spraying a friend in the face with vinegar, singing Backstreet Boys in front of the state bishop, and GI Joe quotes being soldered into an iMac. I used to be 40 pounds heavier. I have twice as many records as I do CDs. I have either the best or the worst DVD collection of all time, depending on who you talk to. It includes Home Alone 1 and 2, each of which I consider a cinematic tour de force. I play trivia every Thursday night, and if you don't suck you can come too. Spiders bother me. If you don't like movie quotes, you won't like me. If you don't like 80s pop, you won't like me. If you don't like Jeopardy and Seinfeld, you might still like me. I'm a big fan of Goodwill and other thrift stores. Most of the shirts I wear came from there. I can do 50 pushups. I have driven a tugboat. I play bingo on Friday nights at a bingo parlor. If I were a girl, my name would have been Katie Lynn. My friends and I used to throw Cheez-Its into a fountain for fun. I think Aloysius is a cool name. I've driven to Ohio for a roller coaster, and it was worth it. I have Secret governmental clearance. I'm not a Pagan. Steve Perry is one of my favorite people. "Bohemian Rhapsody" is my favorite song. My favorite book is Fox in Socks by Dr. Seuss. As far as movies go, I have a couple. Most are listed above in my "Favorite Movies" section. I take naps like it's going out of style. Noel and I have built a Plinko board, a hovercraft, and made a video consisting solely of us hitting cell phones into a brick wall with golf clubs. I hold doors open for girls and people older than me, and say "yes ma'am" and "no sir" even if you're only a couple years older. Some people get mad at me because I'm so good-looking, but it's not really my fault. Sequence is my least favorite game of all time. Bubble Bobble is my most favorite. If I get to build my own house when I'm older it will have a secret passageway. Norm Abram is tied with Alex Trebek, Mike Rowe, and Steven Colbert for my favorite television personality. I consider Fresca and Diet Vault to be the nectar of the gods. Once I snuck a two-liter bottle of Fresca into National Treasure and drank the whole thing during the movie. I listen to good music. My hair gets too big if I let it grow for a whole semester. The Rolling Stones really irritated me until earlier this semester. I have a betta fish named Desmond.