You shouldn't've bothered clicking on my channel. There is absolutely nothing to interest anyone on here, not even myself. WHAT were you thinking?

Go away, subscribe to another 10 useless strangers and make another 10 useless videos and leave 10 useless comments in as many minutes, chat to those 10 strangers who make you feel good about yourself *because they haven't seen your face or your room*, go read the Twilight books or make 10 catastrophically HORRID covers of 10 trite pop songs, wank off to Jessica Alba's nipple slip, just generally waste your time epically, be innovative, go and EAT your days away with all sorts of pathetic loser-oriented past-times- and you STILL won't waste as much time as you will if you click on this channel and take a look at the two very sad little armadillos who actually SUBSCRIBED TO THIS! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TWO? HELLO-O-O-O? ANYBODY THE-E-E-RE? ECHO-CHO-CHO-O-O!

Oh, that's right, they're human eggplants. Which explains the subs.

Nobbut seriously - I'm already going stiff with rigor mortis at the utter futility of writing this big fat angry worthless purposeless meaningless epoch on this little www-bit of epic WASTE , a little tribute to that pathetic side of me that actually makes a YOUTUBE CHANNEL? What, you don't think it's pathetic to make one?

Take a look at my two valued subscribers, and that just TRUMPED any argument you had in favor of youtube. It's for LOUTS with no LIVES and you lot all know it. Except for Falortah who's in the army, which excuses him from making a youtube account because he is without fault (go wish him luck - NOW!)

But YOU! Yes, YOU, you bleary, puffy-eyed, bloated, fast-food eating, World-of-Warcraft-playing, cover-creating, Twilight-loving, National-flag-wavin', masturbatin', vague environmentalist, vague joiner-of-the Obama-bandwagon-with-not-a-clue why, over-eager commenter, Evanescence-listening, DVD-collecting, U2-loving, aspiring-X-Factor/American-Idol WINNER, slightly balding, pimpled, youtube-fame-seeker, living-with-my-Granny-lol, subscribing, READER! of this steaming river of fecal matter proceeding out of the deepest, most sinister bowels of my currently over-active brain =

HOW TO DO AS I COMMAND:




1.. Find a large, malicious nail
2.. Dip it in hydrochloric acid
3.. Insert it with a gentle drilling motion into your temple
4.. Wait for black spots over the eyes and a coma sensation
5.. If you haven't passed out, abandon creativity and just strangle yourself.
6.. Yes, that's right, it's been done before so say it with me: YES YOU CAN! Don't be a pansy and hang yourself or shoot yourself with that little chick-pistol you found in your Grandma's jam cupboard! C'mon! Go like a man! Go on, tighten both hands around your neck, prove to Spud and his cronies from high school that you OWN A PAIR!
7. If you're still reading this you're a pansy (like me), so you might as well do the pansy version, just get a rope from the garage and hang yourself.
8. Wait! There's still a chance to be Tom Waits! You know that hydrochloric acid? is it a vat, and did you steal it, Doc-style, from the GOVERNMENT? brilliant! Just take a nice bath in it, that's right, there's something worthy of every shit Steven Seagal action flick ever spurted out onto the world!
8.. Yeah, you're not only a pansy, you're a camp-poofy-spineless-milktoast-lightweight-guttless-wonder-jellyfied-sad-scared-ballsless WONK...and you might as well close all the windows and turn on all the gas stoves, because you're still reading this (?) and the universe is eager to be rid of you, you, you crying clawing tragic waste of skin) -
(if you just screeched PLACEBO LYRICS LOL! then congragulations, I love the lyrics too but are you TOTES sure the hydrochloric acid was a bad idea? really? Alright, that's okay, I'm sending you every song with Bono's voice in it, that'll fix you! x!)

Y'know, now I've started writing this it would be even more worthless of me to stop until I reach the word limit - come agian? oh! oh NO, you don't think I'm trying to be ORIGINAL and INDIVIDUAL and QUIRKY and WHACKY and CUTE and INDIE and all JUNO, do you?

you win.