now listen HEAR? i know about you I KNOW, if anything iv always known.....WHO IS HE!!! im sorry im sorry YOU BITCH......who is he!!! was it that night i was in york for the young carpet sample sales award 2002/2003? is this becuse iv been working for your mother? we HAD IT ALL BABE!! we had it all.........all.........all...­BUT LOOK!! LOOK AT THE MESS NOW JUDE! does he make love to you better then me? you knew when we met i will only ever reach 86% as i like to keep some back for fun runs or tap class. ITS ME isnt it....ISNT IT!

Goodness me I lost my train of thought there for a second, I thought I saw Princess Diana RIP national bloom, what was I saying!!! God I can't remember, I blame you and also those little sausages that come in tins, I don't think they should be tinned, a sausage should be free to roll wherever it may desire, heaven forbid you ever become a sausage during a reincarnation. Yes I said it don't even deny it I really went there and now I have saturated your brain with the thought of being a frankfurter after death! Can you believe it? Well I can and I do and yes I was once a sausage, I might have even been one more than once but sausage don't have memories, you might wonder how I know well let me tell you I have a good friend called Clive who is a master of the mind and he told me one romantic night in Paris before we made love. Anyway what was I saying yes I remember, I have never!!!!!!

I have never!!!!!!!!!

Now you listen here DON'T you look at me like that!! Why are manholes called manholes! What is this country coming too, how misogynist!! They should be called non-gender specific entrance tunnels, the only man hole I know is a bottom! ANSWER ME JEFFEREY!!!!! Just imagine you are a sewer work person and you have spent 18 hours up to your neck in pooplop searching for winning lottery tickets and you come home all brown and your 4 year old child is at the door with the tear in their eye and they say "Daddy where have you been?" and you say "I've been in a rectum!!" JESUS that's just not on is it! I asked the butcher for a soft thick Spanish length the other day and they laughed at me!! I didn't fight in two wars for this! I fought in the war on terror just last night for gods sake, I waged it on myself when I was watching Jaws! "OH SPANISH LADY!" STOP it Captain Quint I don't want your Spanish sausage!! Eat my donkey meat you fruit! Oh god he is ravishing it with his lips?

well well well looks like iv caught me a city boy, you people make me sick!! with your shiny balls and ideas! give me a hammer and a 4 x 2 ? 2+4? 4&2? SHUT UP! iv got wood !! don't think i haven't got wood!! iv got wood right now Mr City Balls! OH jease Louise im sorry im so sorry (hay psssst...... im not sorry) This actually reminds me of the story of "the city mouse". Now you shut up. Mr City mouse (who for the sake of the story we will call Mr M, for mouse..or no we will call him Mr C because later there is another mole who lives in a cat, so just to clarify Mr T will be the moose and the other one will we call errr...Johnson!) ok right so Mr M went to see his friend (who for the sake of argument we will call Mr H because he used to fly helicopters in the 50s) oh hang on "sorry whats that joyce?!!"....................o­k look i will have to finish this later, joyce has just farted and its upset the neighbours

have you got my onion? it looks like this > o

yes yes im not the man you married mildred, we change WE ALL CHANGE MILDRED!!! you fucking bitch, give me back my parcel!! you dont no whats in there mildred give me that parcel!!! you dont know its power parcel power packs parcel!! midroid!!! you bitch, i fucking hate you mildred you bitch!! where's my packet!!!




that was the story of mildred and and seb, he wanted to control her using words and gestures but she had other ideas.........

"hay check the front lumps on that rack of shit" ahahahaahahaaah i said "hay Troy you know how to fuck shit up, lets grab us a piece of that sweet action" anyway Troy had been pumping away for about an hour before he realised his cock was in a tiny bakewell tart and i wasnt his even his friend, id never met him before, i had a saturday job in "little timmy's tiny cake shop" and this was my first day.........

oi you!! oi you there !!! i say, you there!!!! when the fuck is my supper ready, iv been knee deep in tits for 9 hours now and daddy needs his cornflakes!! AHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAA only kidding, hay im only kidding. I been in the city, you know the big city fucking shit up ahahahaahaaaahaha yeah just me and some of the "crazy gang". Theres me, curly, jefferson and troy we are just young dumb and full of cum. AHAHAHAAHAAAA yeah for sure, for sure. Iv got to tell you OH AHAAHAH iv got to tell you this HAHAAHAHAA listen to this!! Me and Troy were hanging out, you know checking out the minge ahahaahaaa and troy says

i sat in the back seat on the way to nowheresville, i kept my fists clenched and sang "...it was long ago and it was far away oh god it seemed so very far, and if life is just a highway then the soul is just a car....." id stayed clenched for so long that i broke wind and it took everyone by surprise, but i didnt care, i didnt care at all. If anything i tried to do another, i continued singing meatloaf and clenched and strained with all i had left huuuuuuuuurghgghhhhh!!!!......­..............................­..............................­......psst..................PA­RP. Fuck you!!! i shouted!!! FUCK YOU!! but the joke was on me as i had soiled myself quite severely. What would maltloaf do i thought....i mean meatleaf