<b><u>This is what I think of myself between 02:43am & 03:06am</u></b>
<i>Written on Monday 18th June, 2007</i>

Reality Isn't my speciality.
I still think of myself as that recluse that wouldn't have come out if you'd paid me a few years ago. That wasn't healthy. I go out with friends now but that doesn't make me any healthier. I tend to go out for the wrong reasons. I never really did realise what it was about myself that stopped me from grasping what I want. Probably my sense of confusion. You cannot take that leap if you aren't sure what you want. It's not possible to put that much on the line. So I suppose despite everything else, I'm still a bit too safe.<br>
'I'm crazy me.' What a stupid thing to say. Doesn't such a phrase in itself defile the purpose of being crazy in the first place? Crazy people don't admit it. They're too crazy, out doing what they do best. Which is being crazy. There's a problem with someone like me being crazy. It means I would have to have two different personalities. Granted I can be two different people.
No, wait. Make that three.<br>
First we have Billy. You know him. If you ever loved him, he's the one you fell for. He's happy, outgoing, honest, artistic and can on occasion seem slightly pretty.
In all fairness, he's perfect. He's your friend and the reason you put up with the others.<br>
Then there's 'that one'. 'That one' spends a lot of time moping. If you knew he moped before reading this, you should know why. If not, ignore this and see the above and below.
'That one' is more or less your quintessential emo. He writes poetry and listens to thrash to 'help him'.
In all fairness, whereas Billy was perfect, 'that one' is not. He's a bit of a twat. Don't let him bring you down.<br>
Finally we come to 'the one who would be crazy, were that not a contradicting comment'.
As you may have gathered, this is someone similar to Billy, except he has a habit of doing silly things.
In all fairness, this one is a proper Silly Billy (pun intended).
Enjoy him, because one day he won't be here anymore.<br>
I have my own world, but unfortunately it is neither little nor modest. It's pretty big. All around my room are scraps of paper with ideas that are probably never going anywhere. Some might though. That would be kind of cool. Music is important to me. It's one of those things I would dearly love to contribute to but can't for the life of me find something I can do. One day, preferably soon, I'd like to learn either the drums or the piano. I won't manage, but I'd like to try. I do a fair bit of writing. Poetry, stories, scripts, blogs, lists, etc. It's something close to my heart. Films are where I'm at. I'm a film geek. I say that with much shame, but at least I have an idea. There are some people who think it's sad for someone of my age to see where he wants to be but I think that's remarkably condescending.<br>
I entered the angst stage of my life about 4 years too late. I have anger issues which may be relative. At the age of 14 I was assaulted and left with a broken arm. Since, I've been witness to another assault on a close friend and have sworn to myself that whenever a friend or an innocent person is in danger or is being attacked that I will intervene. I don't care what the repurcussions are, the most disgusting thing in the world is for these kind of sick bastards to get away. Gender has no leverage when you're taking things too far within my mind anymore. I'm simply sick of it and am ready to take my unfair share of beatings to protect people I love. It sounds sappy, but I can't ignore it anymore. I've been ignoring everything for too long.<br>
I am always wanting something I don't have the money for which means I'm human I guess. I had a few phases where I was unsure of who I was. I guess I still don't really know. I spend a lot of time in my little worlds, such as is the artistic side of me. I frequently change my mind on bg issues such as religion, though deep down, I'm probably going to be an atheist my whole life.<br>
I envy the faith that many people have. I upset myself frequently by succumbing to the knowledge that I have no faith in humanity, let alone any kind of deity.<br>
I like the English language, as do many people. Given it's something I've had with me longer than I can even remember, it's something of an interesting commoity to use and put into effect. I've never yet grasped any foriegn language, though for a future project, I'd like to learn Japanese.<br>
I'm wary, twisted and not very nice at times. My problem is that I'm rarely any individual personality of mine. I'm usually some kind of sycophantic mix. I don't sleep enough, as is evident by the title of this article.
Right now, it is 03:05. I've been writing for 22 minutes straight.

I'm Billy Gill, 16 years old, single and between perfection and damnation.
Reality is not my speciality.