For once in the last three years my first two online friends(who aren't friends anymore) have both blocked me. I'm not one to let go easily, but life is getting better day by day thanks to a certain someone...
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--
"I'm sorry for the demon I've become
You should be sorry for the angel you are not
I apologise for cruel things that I did
But I don't regret one single word I said

Just walk away make it easy on yourself
Just walk away please release me from this hell
Just walk away theres just nothing left to feel
Just walk away pretend that none of this is real

Could you forgive me if I told you that I cared
Would you be sorry if I swore that I'd be there
Plese forgive me for laughing when you'd fall
I'm so sorry but I never cared at all

Just walk away make it easy on yourself
Just walk away please relese me from this hell
Just walk away theres just nothing left to feel
Just walk away pretend that none of this is none of this is

Just walk away make it easy on us both
Just walk away there was never any hope
Just walk away you already know the deal
Just walk away pretend that none of this was real"

The blood just keeps rushing down my arm...
--
"You give up on everything"-Sidney
"Not everything.."-Me
"I've never really seen you finish anything"-Sidney

Maybe someday I will. If not, why haven't I given up on life yet?
-----
Nothing's really here anymore.
Just old memories that hurt to look back upon.
Places to check, but not even visit.
Where my personality began,
where it had room to bloom,
where it beat me until I cried myself to sleep;
the place where I backstabbed,
it all happened here.
Sad part is, this is where it ended too.
--------
Obsession is a trait that we all carry.
Letting go is the grip we can't part.
Aggression tends to fill the gap, it's what we make to be scary.
Affection and anything close to sex,
we cannot live without.
Four limbs and one heart,
what we need or we can't walk about.
First few guided steps is all it takes,
then you're on your own
in a world of falling snowflakes.
------
I wonder...
Do either of you think of me?
Wonder if I'm okay?
Because I think about you both,
you were always on my mind,
and at times that's still the case.
Thinking about the past
makes me lose my faith,
like I wasn't worth your breath,
or that what we had didn't
and still doesn't matter.
What am I...what was I to you?
Now that you're both gone
I've slowly moved on,
but at the same time I still wonder...
what am I supposed to do?
----------
Hear and feel my heart beat, just for you,
and for all we know it may be the last.
What we had was great,
but now I'm just a thing of the past.
Hear my heart, hear the rhythm.
Feel my heart, feel the abstain,
the ache and every last bit of my pain.
Choke on those false words
you so carelessly speak.
Those words that break me apart
and bring me to tear those cords
into pieces and parts.
I'm just the rug you lie on the floor,
the one that you step on,
and eventually throw out the door.
Thank you for hurting me more and more.
-----------
Just die
get out of my face
out of my head
out of my every single trace
because I don't care.
Nothing you do to me
will make me understand.
I am me. I'm not you,
I'm not him, I'm not her,
so think of something else
before I allow it to get out of hand.
I speak one simple word
and you interrupt,
thinking that what you have to say
what your opinion is,
is better than anything
that I have ever heard.
I don't hate you
but I don't love you.
I can't love something I can't see.
I can't love something I don't know.
Hear what I have to say
hear me cry, see me bleed.
Don't you get it, you were never here for me!
-------
Nothing I do is right.
You left so long ago,
yet that time feels so near.
You're still in my heart,
just realize and know...

I'm here..and living in fear.
I can't show it though.
My smile looks too real.
And I can't even pretend to go.

You're watching over me,
but you don't say a word.
What is it you want me to be,
what is it that was supposed to be heard?

Look at my tears falling down my face
they shine so bright, they speak truth.
See my fake smile that looks so full of grace,
and my words that speak of youth.