About this user
You might say I have multiple personalities. One of them is the Dave who can pass for a somewhat normal, clean-cut, upstanding young citizen. This is the me that is the co-owner of Unselfish Productions (www.unselfishproductions.com), which puts on music and entertainment events that promote charities and have a positive impact on the community. I also entertain people in bars throughout the Cincinnati area with my rockin guitar duo, 2 Night Stand (www.2nightstandband.com)
Then there's the rest of me.
I can be a bit subversive at times, so much so, in fact, that I subvert my own efforts at being subversive.
I've launched the Social Ironist Party, which believes that elections are a ridiculous media circus and should be treated as such. We're running Sean Holbrook for Cincinnati City Council and making a mockery out of the entire process.
I'm the Singing Press Secretary (www.myspace.com/singingpresssecretary) for the campaign, and I sing answers to media questions; my words tend to come out as incomprehensible mumbles, which works perfectly because political success is achieved by never actually answering any questions. I can out-spin Tony Snow, out-dodge Ari Fleischer, and twist more truth than Scott McClellan, without even pouring sweat out of my fat, bald head....oh wait - I actually have hair, because I'm a better press secretary.
Finally, I'd like to make it perfectly clear that I really, really, really like ponies. In fact, it's safe to say that I like ponies more than any other man in the entire universe. I'm on somewhat of a Crusade to have ponies overtake baseball as our new All-American metaphor. It's perfect because America is essentially a nation of 12 year-old girls. Life isn't always hunky-dory, in fact sometimes it downright sucks, but we think everything will be better as soon as you get that pony (ok, maybe it's actually a Plasma TV, or a new Corvette that want, but it's called a metaphor. Jesus). That's why we can defeat the terrorists by shopping. That's why we worship Supply-Side Jesus, and why we need to revise the Bible to have the 3 wise men ride in on ponies.
Occupation
musician, entertainer, satirist, artist, comic , entrepreneur, creator.
Interests
Writing, comedy, being creepy, dipping puppies in lotion, music, shamelessly promoting myself, art, blacking out with a microphone in my hand, dancing like the whitest of drunk white boys, playing soccer, seducing nuns, skiing, stealing crack from crack babies, sending out press releases everytime I so much as wipe my own ass, forming coalitions, starting revolutions, becoming the Messiah, humping things, making baby seal milkshakes (you must try my simple yet delicious recipe! - 1. insert baby seal into blender 2. press "puree" 3. enjoy!), blabbering about religion, politics, and philosophy until I find myself alone in the corner spraying spit at the wall, (at which point I realize that I've pissed myself, although I have remembered to zip my fly), petting ponies, playing guitar, snorting cocaine off of dead hookers, putting on all white gloves and pretending I'm a beautiful princess in a far away land, smoking parliament lights in honor of my dead friend, watching Fox News while waving my American flag, riding ponies, looking deep into a pony's dark brown eyes and realizing that it totally loves and understands me, loving ponies as much as is possible in a non-sexual manner, hugging homophobic people while sighing deeply, making a mockery out of God and the President and everything in between, telling anyone who will listen (or isn't fast enough to run away) about the beauty, purity, and innocence that ponies symbolize, along with pathetically shallow materialism, and the sad but simple fact that our dreams are destined to disappoint., hanging out with the girls and complaining about our periods, starting cults based on a yet to be announced sacred animal, as well as the 4 other meanings of life, which are diamonds, candy, benchpressing, and pornography., overdoing life encompassing metaphors until people roll their eyes and say, what the hell are you talking about, you creepy, creepy man? allowing me to feel misunderstood, profoundly poetic and slightly superior.
