Dance2FlyAway's Channel

74 subscribers

27,584 video views

About Dance2FlyAway's channel

Created by

Dance2FlyAway

Latest Activity

Jul 12, 2008

Date Joined

Jul 12, 2008

About this user

Update: I am still battling my eating disorder but have come a long long way since last year after a very nasty relapse that left me more severely underweight than ever. Despite financial setbacks I returned to my nutritionist in January (still see her) and started with a therapist last January that has really helped me. I have gained eighteen lbs and have only a few more to go to get to normal weight range and am struggling but working through it. I rarely visit or post on YouTube or other eating disorder related places because I find so much of it too triggering and unhealthy. I am trying to find a life outside of ED. I also am involved in Celebrate Recovery, a Christian based twelve step program. Jesus has been my source of hope and strength through all of this, the only one who could pull me out of the hell I was in.
Whoever visits my channel, for any reason, please know that I want no part in perpetuating the disordered eating and body image problems that plague the western world. When I have time I am going to delete (if I ever figure out how) most of the "favorite" videos I saved on here. They are not helpful. Thanks for visiting!

My videos are now viewable by friends only for the time being. Feeling too vulnerable right now.

I am currently in recovery for anorexia nervosa with bulimic tendencies (since late January 2009). I attend intensive outpatient treatment 4x a week in addition to seeing a therapist and nutritionist. I am in my mid thirties and have been dealing with addictions and eating disordered issues for twenty years. I am searching every avenue out there...spiritual, educational, etc to beat this thing and live a full life again. Its important that I tell my story because this disorder is commonly misperceived as being an adolescent struggle, but men and women of all ages struggle with it.

UPDATE:
I have not been in ED treatment since early June 2009. My insurance coverage stopped covering any mental health (ED included) coverage for the rest of the year as appearantly I maxed out this coverage although I was not told for two months after. My doctor and I appealed but it was denied. I now owe almost $9000 in out of pocket medical expenses related to my anorexia. Due to enormous stress and little support I have relapsed but I am still fighting on my own with the help of friends. Insurance coverage for EDs is still sorely lacking in the USA and as I have discovered it is not uncommon to be turned away from help because you cant afford it. I am so tired of fighting it all, so very tired...

This poem I wrote sums up my feelings towards my eating disorder:

Hungry

I cried for your caress
I yearned for your shield
Your lies left me frail
Your silence left me cold
So cold my breath will not warm me
So disgusted...no...enraged
That I have to need anyone
That I have to be so fucking hungry

I used to have a "watch me shrink" series of videos on here that basically documented my sickness as I dropped 37 lbs from a healthy weight range to severely underweight. I have removed some of them completely and kept some private. I still struggle daily with my illness and those videos are too traumatic to watch. I hope to someday be able to add more joyful and positive videos on here. For now I need to document my struggle and help others understand the reality of anorexia nervosa, that it is not glamorous and desirable. I would give anything to live one normal day without this thing trying to destroy me.

Age

Country

United States

Interests

ballet and dancewomen's gymnasticsexerciseanorexia nervosabulimia nervosadepressionavoident personality disordersocial anxiety

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