Born in 1895, the son of itinerant Irish pig merchants, Mikey Lambe mysteriously disappeared in 1911, only to be rediscovered (MIRACULOUSLY PRESERVED!) in a 75 year old vat of black pudding, somehow forgotten at the back of "Potter's Trotters, Pies and Puds" Lancashire factory. This was followed by a ten-year stint at a Cambridge Research Institute, where Mikey was subject to the kind of tests usually reserved for chimpanzees, beagles and small, white, pink-eyed bunnies. Since his release, by wild-haired animal activists (in kagoules), he has preserved his youthful good looks by the daily slaughter of a pig and smearing himself in its gore and fatty bits. Now in Japan, he has discovered that natto does the job almost as well, but still exclaims with pride: "I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH FAT!"

More stuff like that here:
www.mikeylambe.com
My guide to Kyoto here:
www.deepkyoto.com