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Dr. Good and his team take an exclusive look inside the human body using nothing more than smashed tomatoes, dirt, and paper bags. Unlock the secrets to gr...

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YouTube is the latest site to jump into the original programming arena with the announcement of a gritty adaptation of the popular video.

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Reasoning that he's a grown adult who can eat food whenever he damn well pleases, local man Kyle Dunedin, 30, reportedly decided at 10:58 a.m. Wednesday that, fuck it,...

"This Is What Winning Looks Like" is a disturbing new documentary about the ineptitude, drug abuse, sexual misconduct, and corruption of the Afghan...

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A report published Friday by a team of sociologists has confirmed there are apparently people living in the world today who are deeply concerned about the current stat...

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While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. In the year 2137 ...

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After over seven years of weekly meetings with his psychiatrist, 35-year-old Chris Vaughan told reporters Friday he is thrilled to be just two 45-minute sessions away ...

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Leading social media site HarvardConnection is now valued at $400 billion, a couple is making out like its fucking Paris, and a freezing coatless woman has decided it'...

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After over seven years of weekly meetings with his psychiatrist, 35-year-old Chris Vaughan told reporters Friday he is thrilled to be just two 45-minute sessions away ...

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According to locals waiting for the westbound number 66 shuttle at Chicago Avenue and Racine Avenue, a young man and woman seated on a bench at the bus stop are curren...

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While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded tha...

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Ryan Jurgens rode the bench most of the season, but when his coach gave him a chance, it really paid off!

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An aquarium unveils its new 'Floating Carcasses of the Pacific' exhibit, a guy with 10,000 tweets and 15 followers is about ready to hang it up, and a local father buy...

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Expressing shame and remorse in an email to the students of Hamilton College on Friday, disgraced student affairs coordinator Jessica Li, 20, regretfully informed unde...

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Saying that he's probably done all he could possibly do at this point, Twitter user Aaron Gartner confirmed Tuesday that after posting 10,000 tweets and accumulating j...

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The pregnant starlet has finished reading her long-awaited first book and is currently traveling the country to promote the John Grisham thriller to her fans.

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The VICE Podcast is a weekly unedited discussion where we go inside the minds of some of the most interesting, creative, and bizarre people we come...

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CERN researchers confirm that they have finally identified the elusive Higgs Boson particle and destroyed it forever.

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The amazing new "Relationship Pro" video game controller lets both members of a couple pretend they are in a healthy relationship.

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According to statements made this week by office manager Caitlin Mooney, 26, her friends are all so funny that they should be comedians.

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In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loy...

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The bestselling author of "The Spooky Truth" series wants to teach kids that pulling back the curtain on what the government doesn't want us to know can be fun...

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In a rare, candid interview, former Vice President Dick Cheney admitted he regrets that he couldn't produce more casualties in the decade-long conflict.

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Federal, state, and local law enforcement officials are reportedly on high alert today after a group of dangerous sociopaths entered the chambers of Congress, posing w...

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Congressman Ryan is defending his extreme budget plan, which includes proposals that Americans make their own toothpaste and cut their own hair, just like he does.

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The word 'innovate' is said over 24 million times at SXSW, NASA designers release a flirty new spaceskirt, and the next episode of 'Girls' to feature Lena Dunham shitt...

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On Today NOW!, the savvy businessman who turned a zoo on the verge of bankruptcy into a money-making machine shares management tips with Jim and Tracy.

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Democratic People's Republic Of Korea unveils for betterment of world new game Draw Kim Jong-Un. All people will rejoice in drawing Kim Jong-Un's g...

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Calling his résumé "exceptional" and "like nothing we've ever seen," the human resources department at local public relations firm Brink & Tiller called 22-year-old jo...

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An emotional, wistful Pope Francis I made a surprise announcement today that he will be resigning from the papacy at the end of the month.

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Snoop Lion teams up with Drake and his daughter, rising star Cori B to deliver a much-needed me...

Thanks for all your great entries.

YouTube finally has enough videos to begin selecting a winner.

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Court officials complain that it's too difficult to keep track of every massacre and that recalling one from all the way back in July of 2012 is almost impossible.

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Cancer topples Chavez in a bloodless coup, a poll finds that 99% of human beings would prefer big, slobbery hound dog pope, and Andrea Bocelli is smelling the shit out...

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When tragedy struck Kansas City today, Onion reporters were first on the scene. This is a video recap of our coverage of the Gunman story that began this morning when ...

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The fast-food chain has rolled out a suspicious new promotion selling five hamburgers for zero dollars.

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