a place for my memories

**DISCLAIMER**
okay so here is the deal.... I KNOW I AM NOT GOOD... but I do this to encourage myself to keep practicing and to hopefully go get singing and actual guitar lessons when I can.... and I'm not just saying that, I MEAN I KNOw I AM NOT GOOD and I apologize for those people that think I might actually be good before actually seeing the video--so TO WARN YOU, I AM NOT GOOD! I post me singing because it is more of an incentive for me to try and get better and to stop embarassing myself in front of others, which I know, I shouldn't. Not to mention it is also to show my family my progress since they live f away (and eventhough progress doesn't seem to be relevant) I know, I NEED TO LEARN WHAT IM DOING BEFORE I GO show people, but like I said it encourages me to someday actually take guitar and singing lessons--deifnitly the singing lessons part...ha...these are funny though


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Time
It either goes too fast or too slow. It feels that it's never just right. Time's a b*tch, that's what I say.
Visiting my parents in the house I grew up in-- as soon as I enter, memories flush through me like opening a giant dam. You can't stop it, it just keeps running. I feel the pain I had at certain moments and I feel the laughter. How I wish sometimes to return to those moments-- to seize time and re-live. But time doesn't stop.... it keeps going. You are on vacation and by the end you ponder. "Wow... how fast the time went." You want to live in the feeling for eternity.
But when there's a week to go before you get that place. You think, "it's never going to get here"--the anticipation of the events to come. You just want to get there already. Time is going too slow.
Maybe it's the limbo feeling that upsets my OCD. It is a disequilibria of my wants and of time. According to Buddy Holly, "Everyday it's a-gettin' closer....Goin' faster than a roller coaster." All that really belongs to us is time and nothing is as far away as a minute ago--someone told me that once. I have the greatest desire to forget that I belong to time.
They say time will only tell. Telling a meaning or engaging in an event. We run out of time when we die. I have a fortune cookie scotched tape to my lamp that I have beside my bed. It's actually a lamp my father gave me when I moved out of the house when I left for college. It says, "Time is the wisest counselor." I wonder why I taped it on my dad's old lamp.
What happens to time? You are sitting there hanging out with an old boyfriend, close, next to the dock of a bay, and you realize that the only thing between you is time...
You sit there talking to a girlfriend from high school, and its not the phone distance that bothers you because you live in different yet conjoining states, but it is the time difference....
You sit there wishing to see an unrequited love and you wish the time would pass quickly until the day you do....

You sit there and mourn over someone you lost and wish that the hard times would pass quicker.... and you look back and realize that two years passed without time...if that's possible...
You watch a movie that you can connect your life with and you want the time before you had the chance for your lives to synchronize...
Time is all that remains--and a mind seizes to realize that a time that you want has existed or will never exist.... how is that fair??
When a time has gone, that you wish hadn't, do you want the time to pass quicker to forget the resulting pain and move on, or slower so that you can hold the moment closer to you? You slowly realize that you are holding time in your mind because it IS passing... And you will forget....
"I'm not saying I don't cry.... but in between I laugh..." "you really can't see it from the street, but its there"
It's life.... it's real.... and it's all we have...