Topic - Dlisted - Be Very Afraid

During an interview with Rolling Stone, Serena Williams spilled out her thoughts about the Steubenville rape case, which was a good thing, because so many of us were aimlessly wandering around the land, not knowing what to think about that case until we heard what Serena Williams’ thoughts about it were. The TV was on [...]

WARNING: If you plan on going to a RiRi show, you should know that you will get a headache from listening to her live goat yodel voice and you may get a concussion when she clocks in the head with her mic. During one of her shows, RiRi was singing in the audience when a [...]

The good news is that Joanna Rohrback, the be-wigged prancing swan, is back and is prancing her way into our hearts again. The shitty news is that she’s using her graceful prancing moves in the lyric video for John Mayer’s new single “Paper Doll” which is supposedly about Taylor of Green Gables. The shittier news [...]

Kanye Kardashian (née West) queefed out this American Psycho short shit show to promote Yeezus and I’ve never been attacked with a chainsaw by Patrick Bateman while a starving rat ate cheese out of my culito, but I have a feeling that’s less painful than watching this wretched turd. Everybody (including my dumb ass) who [...]

That headline was served on top of an extra large Sarcasmlatta. I guess Dunkin' Donuts has a policy that states that if you don't get a receipt with your purchase, your next order is free. They should update that to read: "If we don't give you a receipt, your next order is free, but that also doesn't mean you can act like an insane piece of trash asshole." Because some crazy lady didn't get a receipt and responded by terrorizing Dunkin' Donuts employees and recording it in the name of justice...

The German TV show Wetten Dass is known for bringing the fuckery in heavy doses and during their last episode they did not disappoint. At around the 1:25 mark, the host gets Gerard Butler to crack a walnut by sitting on it. That is definitely somebody's fetish right there. Sadly, Gerard kept his pants on while having dry butt sex with that walnut, but he did loosen his pants to pour ice onto his crotch (at the 3:35 mark). I see what's really going on here. Germany's Federal Ministry of Health...

Most performers get handed flowers, bras, panties and dildos while performing onstage, but poor Ciara got served with lawsuit documents while performing at L.A. Pride on Saturday night. Oh, C-Error finally gets on a stage and this is what happens. TMZ says that Ciara was supposed to perform at The Factory in West Hollywood on Friday night, but she didn't show up. Ciara's people (yes, she has those) swear they canceled the gig a long time ago, because she had already promised to perform at L.A...

The legendary Cicely Tyson! The Tonys happened last night and some of the night belonged to Terrence Mann's majestic Gandalf mane and the rest of the night belonged to Cicely Tyson. Cicely Tyson did everything perfect. That wig looks like it was laid on her head by the hands of several Gods and that dress looks like the aftermath of a fight between an army of 80s satin prom dresses and an army of satin princess bedspreads. Glamour IS looking like a satin ruffle serpent is swallowing you whole...

Noah Cyrus really did teach Miley everything she knows... Miley Cyrus is trying to "twerk" again.....and this is working against my hangover and the way this video is edited is making it worse. At last night's Juicy J show at The House of Blues in L.A., Miley put the seams of her Beetlejuice pants to the test when she popped her booty and dropped it low onstage. Miley looks like a damn, methed-out hillbilly tarantula giving birth while having a seizure. The only thing missing from this video ...

Somehow I lived through the 90s without experiencing the magical and mystical infomercial for The Flo. Or if I did the magic and spiritualness was too much for my brain to comprehend and I blocked it out. Well, thanks to Buzzfeed for bringing it into my life (or back into my life). The Flo sounds like some kind of menstrual product that's in direct competition with the Diva Cup, but it was a spiritual and graceful exercise thing from the 90s. It was so much more than just a bag with water in ...

During tonight's Britain's Got Talent live finale, a contestant from a past season crashed the stage to throw eggs at Simon Cowell while opera-singing brothers Richard and Adam were yodeling for their lives. Just watch this bizarre smiley fuckery for yourself: Ahahahahahahaaaaaahahaha.... The way she's smiling is what really makes this. That's the happiest egging I've ever seen. It's like she's a 13-year-old girl and Simon is the house of her junior high school rival. The egg thrower was Nata...

The two dudes who closed the mouth of an anti-gay preacher by making out. Crazy anti-EVERYTHING preachers are pretty much a staple on almost every college campus and students deal with their annoying asses in several different ways. Most ignore them, some argue with them, some strip down in front of them and like these two students in the clip above, some make out in front of them. When an anti-gay preacher (Victoria Jackson, is that you?) at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo went on and about how sam...

Or a fan of court shows. Or a fan of moral rightness. Or just a fan of sort of kind of weird celebrity baby names. Jensen Ackles and his wife Danneel Harris (better known to me as Shannon from One Life to Live) are new parents to a baby daughter born two Thursdays ago. They announced the news on Twitter (via People) yesterday and also told everyone the name they wrote down on their daughter's birth certificate: We are happy to announce the birth of our precious baby girl, Justice Jay "JJ" Ack...

The naked, dick-wielding gargoyle statue in Paulden, AZ that some people just won't let be great! (Side note: Now that I've pixelated a gargoyle's dick, I can truly say that I've done everything there is to do in life.) David Smith's 9-foot-tall naked gargoyle statue lived in front of his house in Phoenix, AZ for years without any of his neighbors clutching their eyes and screaming for a censor box, but when he moved to Paulden, his new neighbors weren't as open to huge gargoyle peen in his f...

I'm about to buy a copy of Rosetta Stone Chechen just so I can learn how to say "the fuck is this?" in Chechen while watching this video of Steven Seagal dance (for lack of a better word) a traditional Chechen dance during a visit to Chechnya the other day. If they knew they were going to watch a man have a medical emergency, they would've never asked Steven to dance. Steven looked like a bear in a human costume swatting bees while having a heart attack. During that dance, Steven landed a few...

The Hillary Clinton biopic is actually happening.... When it was announced that a biopic about Hillary Clinton's early years in the political game is going to be made, names like ScarJo, Jessica Chastain and Emma Stone were thrown around as possibilities to play young Hillary. Jessica Chastain quickly said that she's not going to play young Hillary so Bill Clinton can stop texting her to see if she needs a little private coaching to really get into the part (and by that he means he wants to g...

The guy who stars in the greatest and longest death scene ever must be teaching master classes on how to die as dramatically as possible at London's Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts and this Siberian Husky must be one of his pupils, because this dog knows how to melodramatically die. The raw emotion! You can practically hear her howl out, "damn you, I'll see you in Hell, and by the way I fucked your wife, and by the way I'm glad I shit all over the carpet so much that you had to rip it out..." ...

Vlogger Hart is a lesbian and sometimes tricks ask her if she loves women so much, why doesn't she dress like a woman? (This is a question that comes from dumb brains, because if straight men love chicks so much, why don't they dress in "chick clothes"? If Kanye loves Kanye so much, why doesn't he dress like an asshole? Oh wait, that was a bunk example.) To prove her point that we don't always dress like something we love, Hart said fuck the watermelon stereotypes, put on a watermelon bikini ...

A few days ago, a lawyer for Khyati Shah, the victim in the airborne teabagging gone wrong incident at the Billboard Music Awards, told the media that she was very close to slapping him with a lawsuit. Khyati's lawyer, Vip Bhola, said that she suffered injuries that might affect her for the rest of her life. Now he's saying that Miguel's bad acrobatic decisions might've done serious damage to her brains. Vip tells TMZ that some of the difficulties that Khyati's experiencing "are cognitive in ...

I once read something stupid that said "Sympathy For The Devil" is the official anthem of the Church of Satan and that Mick Jagger is a Satanist. I laughed it off and didn't believe any of it, until I watched this clip from last night's Rolling Stones show in Chicago of Mick Jagger bringing Taylor Swift onstage to sing "As Tears Go By." Mick Jagger proved that he's doing the devil's work when he let Taylor sing. What has Marianne Faithful ever done to deserve this? What have any of us done? W...

Whenever I see pictures from ~fashun~ events, a cold sense of fear covers my body and a creepier, a cappella version of the Troll Song crawls into my ears, because Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are usually there together looking like two giddy, little evil bridge urchins who are about to ask you to solve an unsolvable riddle. But a strange thing happened at the CFDA Fashion Awards in NYC last night. Ashley Olsen was not there! Did an enchanted forest giant accidentally stomp on Ashley while she ...

Scooter, the llama who broke out of his yard and went on the lam before police tased his ass. And to answer the question in your head, yes, this happened in FLORIDA! Doesn't it always? On Friday night, 7-year-old Scooter decided he had it with that life and so he busted out of his penned-in yard in Tallahassee, FL. Scooter's owner called the police on Saturday and reported him missing. The police went searching for Scooter and eventually found him causing a scene in the middle of the road. On...

After the Anna Nicole movie starring Willa Ford went straight to the back of the DVD clearance section at Walmart in 2007, everybody screamed, "We want another Anna Nicole movie! We want more!" (FYI: nobody screamed that.) So Lifetime heard our cries and hired the director of American Psycho to shoot another Anna Nicole movie starring Agnus Bruckner as Anna Nicole, Adam Goldberg as Howard K. Stern, Cary Elwes as E. Pierce Marshall, Martin Landau as J. Howard Marshall and Virginia Madsen as Vi...

Now that Miley Cyrus is over 18, she should retire her Pedo Bear back-up dancers. They just don't have the shock value they used to. And no, I don't know how I feel about her "slutty white girl chola aerobics instructor" look either. Miley is free of that Liam Hemsworth ho, so she's going to spend her summer dancing on molly and stuff. Miley released her new single "We Can't Stop" (more like, "Please Stop, Miley!") and it sounds like something Gwen Stefani and RiRi came up with after they num...

The good news is that I get to write about legendary crazy trick Pia Zadora again. The bad news is that I'm not writing about how Pia Zadora got cast as Amanda Bynes in Lifetime's biopic You're Old And Ugly: The Amanda Bynes Saga. Golden Globe award-winning star Pia Zadora is in the news again, because she got arrested in Summerlin, NV on Saturday for allegedly choking her son out before turning the garden hose on him. Note to Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan, this is how true crazy bitches do ...

The graceful swans-in-love from the Gloria Vanderbilt perfume commercial! 46 years ago, a star carrying a silver-topped, giggling angel fell from the sky and landed in the middle of the forest where a family of silver foxes raised him for most of his childhood until they eventually dropped him off at Gloria Vanderbilt's front door. Let's honor that important day in international history by paying homage to the swans in his mother's perfume commercial. When I was a kid, I thought this commerci...

Over three years ago, Oprah brought Filipino pop star and Internet superstar Charice to Chicago, shoved Charice up her twat and gave birth to her so that she can say she's the biological mother of the most talented girl in the world! Shortly after Oprah "discovered" Charice, she got a record deal and later got cast as Sunshine Corazon on Glee. There's been rumors that 21-year-old Charice is strictly into vagina and she went on the show The Buzz to talk about her sexuality. The host, Yul Brynn...

Shana, the one-hit wonder from 1989 who gave us "I Want You." Sometimes iTunes does me wrong (example: when it randomly plays a song from the LMFAO album that I downloaded in a moment of drunken weakness and vulnerability) and sometimes it does me right (example: when it randomly played "I Want You" yesterday). Shana was supposed to be the freestyle Debbie Gibson, but after her song "I Want You" peaked at No. 40 on the Billboard Hot 100 and played at every junior high school and high school d...

And now the angels in heaven are taking in Jean Stapleton's beautiful hairline (which looks like upside down ocean waves of hair) and exquisitely drawn eyebrows (which I'm pretty sure were drawn on with a No.2 pencil and tar), because she died in NYC of natural causes yesterday. Jean was 90. Jean was born in NYC and she started her career by yodeling and dancing on Broadway in Funny Girls, Damn Yankees and Bells are Ringing. She guest starred in a few TV shows before she got the role of lovab...

The frontrunner for People Magazine's Beautiful Person of the 21st century and 2013's sole inductee into the Camel Toe Hall of Fame, Joanna Rohrback, stopped prancing through the parks of Florida for a minute to talk to The Daily Beast about the fitness craze that has taken over the Internet, the world and beyond. Joanna the Prancer says that ever since Prancercise went viral, she's been drowning in interview requests and Anna Wintour has already begged her camel toe to pose for the cover of ...

Helen Henny from Chuck E. Cheese's! If you were a child in America in the 1970s and beyond, then there's a good chance that you have deep scars on your innocence from watching the animatronic show at Chuck E. Cheese's. The animatronic show at Chuck E. Cheese's taught me how to have nightmares. I went to way too many birthday parties in the 80s and 90s at Chuck E. Cheese's and I only went for the pizza (which was basically hardened grease with cheese and meat on top), the Skee Ball and the ter...

Sherri Gray, the 72-year-old memaw from Nashville who wrote a gay marriage ballad in honor of her lesbian niece's upcoming wedding. Grandma Gray told Gay Star News (via Buzzfeed) that she's not an activist, but that when she learned that her niece and her niece's girlfriend are getting married in August, the universe spoke to her soul and told her that she must write a gay marriage love song from a straight point of view. So the grandma of 8 sat down at her out-of-tune piano and the musical n...

Well, I guess Tommy Girl got the Beckhams in the divorce, because here he is spending time with them and his son Connor at the Kings game in L.A. last night. As Posh Beckham tried to keep herself from heaving up pieces of her charred black soul while sitting around hot dogs, polyblend shirts and beer burps, Tommy Girl and the secret-boyfriend-in-his-head David Beckham played with Harper the 7th. Tommy's telekinesis powers failed him last night, because he wasn't able to use his mind to move t...

When I look at that picture, I barely notice JLo's crotch ("ME TOO, GURL!" - Casper Smart) and instead I'm staring at the two Pitbull look-alikes who are gnawing on each other's bones with their eyes. When some British parents look at that picture, a thick layer of sin covers their eyeballs and they scream at their children to run to the nearest church before JLo's camel toe eats all of their innocence! You'd think that a land who has brought us such graceful and demure flowers as Jodie Marsh...

Scorpia from She-Ra! Every single person, place and thing from the cornerstone of the 80s that was She-Ra is a HSotCentury, but Scorpia is especially hot for several reasons. Scorpia has vertical brows (because horizontal brows are for weak bitches, obviously) and she has proven herself as a true glamour icon of the 80s by wearing green shadow all the way up to her helmet line. If your eyeshadow doesn't cover at least a 1/3 of your forehead, you're doing eyeshadow wrong. Scorpia also has claw...

Dear Kate Beckinsale, don't look now, but Marc Anthony's behind you and he's staring at your ass hard - Popoholic In conclusion, RPattz and John Mayer are doing it and Katy Perry's their beard cover-up. SOLVED! - Lainey Gossip Scenes from Jaden Smith's Scientology christening - The Berry Bruce Willis has never looked hotter - The Superficial Every single thing about this picture screams 2005 and not in a good way - Drunken Stepfather What Kelly Osbourne's trying to say is that she wants to gi...

There's a part in Beyonce's show where she goes up to some of the BumbleBeys in the front row and puts her mic to their mouths so they can spit out saliva while singing "Irreplaceable." What they're supposed to do is sing off-key and sound like musical shit so that everyone can laugh at them. What they're not supposed to do is smack Beyonce's ass and that's exactly what some dude did in Copenhagen last night. Surprisingly, when he put his hand on Beyonce's ass cheek, the music didn't stop, th...

The worst little mail dog! Some might see the worst little mail dog as a fluffy ball of rage who really needs to smoke several bowls out of a bong made of Prozac, but I don't! Yes, this crazy dog is acting like that mailperson killed its entire family, fucked its first love and pissed on its breakfast (Maybe the mailperson did? That's for the sequel), but when I look at that angry mail dog going nuts on mail, I see potential! If that worst little mail dog only murdered bills and somehow found...

As Bradley Cooper and Heather Graham watched, Will Smith and Jaden Smith did the Fresh Prince of Bel Air rap on The Graham Norton Show. Dead at all of this. I walked to the grave after seeing Jaden Smith dressed like a Hasidic power lesbian. I threw myself in the coffin when DJ Jazzy Jeff popped up. I closed the coffin lid when Heather Graham busted out some hot arm moves. And I ascended up to the afterworld when Carlton did the Carlton Dance. The only way this could've been better is if Aunt...

This is what happens when Pimp Mama Kris lets every photo agency know what time Kim Kartashian is landing, what airport she's landing at and what airline and flight she's on. After Kanye West ditched her ass in Paris, Kim and PMK flew back to LAX and were met by a mob of paparazzi who they totally called. You know PMK knows every single photo agency's tip line by heart, but if you asked her for Rob Kartashian's number, she'd probably look at you with "WHO?" written all over her plastic face. ...

Before a judge released Amanda Bynes back into the wild and didn't keep her in jail for throwing a bong out her apartment window in Manhattan, she underwent a psychiatric evaluation at Roosevelt Hospital. Even with a SCREAM FOR HELP wig on top of Amanda's head, the psychiatrists at Roosevelt didn't think she needed to be held in a psych ward involuntarily. TMZ says that Amanda's parents want to become her conservators, but she hasn't been acting insane enough for a judge to make them the CEO ...

Like the ten million people before him who have asked a celebrity to go to an important life event with them, Jake Davidson of CA (oh, CA) made a YouTube video where he asked boner maker Kate Upton to go to his high school senior prom with him. The video went viral and Jake ended up talking to Kate on the Today show. Kate said the video was very "sweet" and she'd have to "check her schedule" to see if she can go. Usually, when somebody spits out the "I have to check my schedule" line, it mean...