If anyone wants to see real Metallica check out live shit binge and purge seattle 1989 no band touches them that night. from beginning to end crushes. that is why people like me got so upset when they made load reaload st anger nothing against those records but I would like to go in a time machine and let james hetfield listen to those albums what do you think he would say.
I have been listening to Metallica since 1987 in seventh grade heard garage days. then a friend gave me two recorded tapes ride the lightning and master of puppets. I could not believe my ears. That was the first thrash metal to hit my ears 25 years later i still love Metallica, but , they have put alot of fans throught hell from 1996- 2003. Before i listened to load I was appalled when I saw the lame ass pictures of them throughout the c/d booklet then the mediocre crap that came after it
This fucking guy keeps wearing glasses indoors and THEN he gets all excited about cutting off his dick while listening to Metallica. I can't tell if he's stupid or stupid.
I love how Metallica actually defends this piece of shit. James said the only people who hate on Lulu are the people "living in their mom's basement". Real original insult, you fucking tool. I definitely didn't stop using that when I was 12 >_>
@SUPERCHARGER2001 Just for the record I'm 39. I remember when Ride The Lightning came out. I bought Master of Puppets the day it came out. I saw Metallica open for Ozzy on that tour. The Metallica I know and love is long gone. Which just is said. In my OPINION they are a very faded shadow of their former selves and that really saddens me they use to be the greatest. But glad you still like them. Someone needs to.
i liked this album! it's truly not a album made for everyone! it's like when Kanye West released 808's...hiphop fans were pissed off too! But hey its Art-Metal!!! deal with it..lol
HAHAHAHAAH best review ever. I felt all those things just by hearing one song from this pathetic release of the Tallica boys and Lou Reed... What were they thinking man.
I can't say I blame him for getting pissed off, I was to. I've heard that Lou Reed was good (I've never taken the chance to hear his work though), and Metallica is one of the most influential bands EVER (Yeah, I said it, ever. When you've influenced about 90% of the modern metal genre and about 50- 60% of the modern rock genre, you earn that title). I listened to this album, and I hated it. To me, it was one of the worst albums I've ever heard. Hopefully Metallica's ACTUAL new album is good.
METALLICA, U ARE FUCKIN DUMB! I DESTROYED ALL MY METALLICA CDS IN THE 80S. THEY OFFICIALLY SUCK! METALLICA = WORST BAND EVER! THEIR HEAVY SHIT STILL SUCKS!!!
@TheSilencer1313 Well have you even heard of "Risk" ?They did try to go out of the style they had.It doesn't work.As a thrash/speed metal band they are gods.So what would you have : a band that has 4 gods of metal music or a band that has 4 old men who hate (at least that is what they show with the shit they put out) the music and fans of the music that made them famouse.Metallica sucks.Without Mustaine they always sucked.Krik Hamett is a bitch.Peace...SELLS!
if u dont like it dont listen to it...metallica is my favorite band and i havent listened to 1 song off lulu...i listen to metallica music not metallica AND lou reed...fuck lou reed
Lars Ulrich noted the negative reaction to Lulu, and stated that he wasn't surprised by the criticism due in part because, "In 1984, when hard-core Metallica fans heard acoustic guitars on 'Fade to Black', there was a nuclear meltdown in the heavy-metal community," and also noted that Reed's poetry is "not for everyone. (Taken from Wikipedia)
@Colbystrns Did he say that? Well if he did, will someone tell him that nuclear meltdown response is complete bollocks as Maiden and Sabbath had plenty of accoustic stuff in prior to that and it was well appreciated amongst fans.
Would Metallica do the world a favor and just retire or go their separate ways! Death Magnetic was better than anything they've done since 1991. It still is subpar for metal music. The Metallica I love and still listen to this day is gone forever. The same people who created what thrash should be with innovated, aggressive and spell binding music has replaced it with boring, rehashed, Nickleback carp. It really is to bad. It's like losing them to the slow disease of complacency. It really hurts.
@justforthelulzzz yes that guys opinion is shit thank you very much, and i'm 20 dude, not fucking 14, anyway i wasn't talking to you, so why you coming on me and start saying shit huh, oh and why i am even talking to you, because i can shit whenever i want dude, and i don't give a rats ass what you think about what opinion or comment sucks! dude, so seriously!, just piss off
I honestly doubt you're 20. You don't seem to get that by 20, you stop thinking and acting on your emotions, so no 20 year old in the right mind would dare say somebody else's opinion is "shit".
So what you basically are saying, is either you're lying and you're under 15, or you're a 20 year old with a disability. Take your pick.
@justforthelulzzz Haha, your a funny guy i'll give you that, but really i still stand by my statement, i think that guys opinion is "Shit" okay, and Honestly i still don't care if you think i'm 14 or not, i'm just giving you my honest opinion okay, really can you just stop talking, To Me!
Well put. We all kind of knew this was going to pretty much blow, what's more offensive is that it sold 15k it's first week. If there's any reason at all to stream an album BEFORE you buy it, this is it.
Your reviews are very good, keep up the good work. and let's all hope Gojira can show the so-called "big name bands" how to release a truly great album.
The first time metallica gets artistic in like 20 years people get pissed.. its back to chugga chugga cheap solo I guess. Lou Reed is genious as always.
To claim they stretch their musical ideas beyond breaking point is a complete understatement. Even on the rare occasion where they do stumble(and i do mean stumble) across a vaguely good idea, the repetition drains whatever life exists out of it, leaving you with nothing to hold on to.
It's an empty, pretentious joke of a record, that is just as bad in theory as it is in practice.
And i agree there is no real market for this record, outside of gullible fanboys.
Now as a metalhead that is into the arts, i can say quite confidently that it's true that the majority of metal fans do not enjoy, or understand, abstract art, just like most people out there, but that is not the reason they don't like it. The album just isn't good. I understand what they are doing, and can deal with the play on opposites, the shifting musical relations etc, but it just doesn't work. It sounds like a parody of an art rock record from the 70's.
Lou Reed fans that have connected with this album are saying the problem is not the album, but dumb/ignorant/uncultured metalheads that don't understand more complex art forms, and that need to have everything delineated to them in terms of rigid structures, tight production, traditional ideas of song 'development' etc etc.
sorry if im late on this or something but i dont get it whats up with the whole table thing. i see it on some metallica vids and on tumblr and what not. can someone please explain.
@MetalAndOtherGenres In the song "The View," James sings the line "I am the table" a good four times, and it makes not one amount of sense. Apparently it was supposed to be tablet, either way it's retarded.
Though I agree with this reviewer, I must say that this guy is annoying as fuck. A total douchebag actually. Its like he bows down to fit in with the "cool" metal/rock world. The predictable look at me I like Pink Floyd and Megadeth too-Fred Durst is a douchebag-limp bizkit sucks if its not Dream Theater-esque metal its bullshit type faget sheep of a music fan who must wear a black shirt and have long hair especially at a concert to be cool and "in" with the metal world. Fuck off.
@UndefinedNerd We wouldn't be asking that question if Cliff was still alive. What has happened to Metallica in the past 16 years or so? Yeah, Cliff NEVER would've let that happen.
@MrLizardKing96 He would.Cliff was a massive Lou Reed fan and a massive Velvet Underground fan, a band who stood for creative art-music that pushed the limits.The album is great if you could hear it without your "it's different" taboo shadowing it.
@TheWhowasit Well for one thing I didn't mean this album I meant what Metallica became after he died in general, if Metallica still had Cliff today and they continued to do as good as they did in the 80s for their whole career then this album wouldn't have been much of a big deal but in my opinion this just made the hole that Load, Relaod, and St Anger made even bigger. And also I don't like it because I just can't get into it not because they tried something new, I will admit I have been harsh
@TheWhowasit (Continued) torwards this album, I suppose it just caight me off-guard, you know? And hey, the next Metallica album is coming soon and maybe it'll be pretty good. But like I said earlier, this just isn't my cup of tea. I usually enjoy bands doing something else, Im a really big Rush fan and if you know who they are then you would know how much they experimented and did new things with their music.
i really dont understand why metal fans get so worked up about stuff like this (particularly a new metallica release). it is like listening to a fan of a football team or something.
That's worse than being Mexican, and the sad part is that you wanted to be a loser fanboy. You're pathetic; you're actively searching for someone to piss on you.
Me? I just make the best of the hand I was dealt with. Frankly, being Mexican is the only thing keeping me down. Otherwise, I'd probably be a Senator. You, on the other hand, are just pitiful.
No. I'm not retarded. And yes, you are lame. That's the truth. Look it up. LMAO
@DameunPutazo i don't even know what you are talking about, and i didn't even bother to read you long ass comment. I mean, why would you take the time to actually answer to me if you think i'm that stupid? Prepotent loser. Now fuck off beaner, go back to fucking Mexico
Weeeeell, they screwed up, badly, even for a side project buuuut i still think their studio album will actually be very good. Th1rt3en is awesome though, they'll have a rough time pairing with it.
all i can say is that when they finally release there own new album it better be fucking awesome , and they better do another world tour
thats all i care about !
side projects are sideprojects ,this is not meant to be a metallica album keep that in mind its a collaboration .
metallica are not stupid they know what we want and theye were headed in the right direction with d.m give em time im sure we will be al ver impressed when there new studio album is released (fingers crossed)
Lulu is an interesting album... I'm gonna have to buy it cus i vowed to buy every Metallica record. Its different. But some people will like it... Fuck it, IT SOUNDS TERRIBLE, JESUS CHRIST I THOUGHT DEATH MAGNETIC WAS A START OF THEIR POWERFUL COMEBACK OF BRINGING BACK THE ORIGINAL HEAVY METAL. I was obviously wrong. I respect Metallica, this isn't a Metallica album...
And so you are now the director of Metallica? When last I checked James Hetfield directed Metallica, not Coverkiller. As such, James Hetfield decides how Metallica's music "mold[s] itself." Resistance to the album then comes not from any rightful critique of error-checking, much less from any insight into musicology. Instead, resistance to it comes from frustration with being unable to control the free will of the beloved.
@mtoverman yeah? well maybe hetfield should let Coverkiller do it on their next album. shit, it can't hurt 'em any worse than the garbage hetfield has been coming up with for the last 20 years
I think your emotional review proves that Reed's use of provocative and unconventional expressions ("I would cut off my legs and my tits" for example) worked for shock value as intended,not to mention that it portrays Lulu and her cold and harsh fem fatale life brilliantly.You feel that sick dirt, when thous words are being said.
@TheWhowasit Regarding your review, I must say that I completely disagree.Yet that is the nature of experimental music, it will either be truly adored, or truly despised.I think you should separate phrases "I don't like" and "I don't understand" and be a little easier with claims about the album. I hail Metallica for not being afraid to do something truly new, rather then mesmerize their loving fans with the same old. Even if you don't like the album,you should feel treated with proper respect.
@Misanthroprizza I never thought about Metallica songs that I didn't like before. Now I have an instant reference of sorrow. lol I have a feeling this "table" thing is going to haunt them. Whenever I think of Metallica, I am going to think "I am a table", but I'll laugh, so it'll be good for me. And THAT, is the only good thing that came out of this album.
I'm really counting on this failing badly, it has too. It's easily one of the top 5 worst of all time. Of course I'm not counting radio garbage or rap cause that ain't music.
I find it sad that everyone is going to hate this album. I find it even more sad how close minded most Metallica fans are. I personally enjoyed this album very much. Music is subjective, and I understand if this album isn't your cup of tea. But there is no denying the fact that Metallica has actually (for a change) done something artistic and true, aside from making another commercial album to appease to their corporate masters.Funny,Master of Puppets is like the theme song for Record Companies.
@RequiemForaBromance You don't have to be a Metallica fan to hate this album. It sucks. Plain and simple. Not only is it boring, but Lou Reed takes it another step further and makes it downright annoying. I just hope we don't have to wait forever until another REAL Metallica album is developed.
@BCBtheBeastlyBeast Art is subjective.Opinions are subjective.Deciding whether it was right or wrong for you to reply to my comment is subjective, visa versa.There's nothing else really to say.You are probably going to reply with a comment that disagrees to this one,or maybe not.Either way, people are still going to hate this album.I find it sad that these guys won't be able to enjoy their work with their fans.No one wins.We all die unhappy.
@RequiemForaBromance Well, they'll be able to enjoy it you, now won't they? :) I can't help that I find the songs boring and annoying- they're monotonous, which is a fact. Most people don't like that. I'm not bashing you for liking it, I'm bashing the album for being almost entirely the same song over and over again, at least structure-wise.
It's too bad that The Room is ten minutes longer than the Lulu album, cuz if they were the same length, you could play Lulu over The Room in its entirety and create one hell of a torture device.
Swedish magazine Metro had a fantastic review of this album. A rough translation:
"Metallica finally disappeared up their own assholes for good. The band walks the earth like a giant ass, Lou Reed it's rider. The desecrating combo farts humanity in the face - full throttle!"
Jesus mate, why are you acting so offended and appalled? Metallica are just a bunch of burned out middle aged men who haven't released a decent album since ...And Justice For All.
LMAO, quality rant from 7:00 to 7:40. I made this recommendation on another review too, but this might interest you guys : there is a robust cinematic adaptation on the Lulu plays directed by G.W. Pabst. The movie's title is Pandora's Box, featuring Louise Brooks as lead character Lulu. iMDB it if you want. Nice review, maybe I'll go and seek those high quality riffs, because I seem to have missed on them by a galactic mile on the first try.
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I think they shoud retire, seriously they are old and drained.
Mctallicaful471 1 week ago
(insert generic comment incorporating "table" in different Metallica songs)
drummerdo0od 2 weeks ago
Lou Reed is the one to blame.
OzzyDiazB 2 weeks ago
Dude. I love you and your rant props to you
GreenDayRocks3597 2 weeks ago
If anyone wants to see real Metallica check out live shit binge and purge seattle 1989 no band touches them that night. from beginning to end crushes. that is why people like me got so upset when they made load reaload st anger nothing against those records but I would like to go in a time machine and let james hetfield listen to those albums what do you think he would say.
mgm1138eb 1 month ago
I have been listening to Metallica since 1987 in seventh grade heard garage days. then a friend gave me two recorded tapes ride the lightning and master of puppets. I could not believe my ears. That was the first thrash metal to hit my ears 25 years later i still love Metallica, but , they have put alot of fans throught hell from 1996- 2003. Before i listened to load I was appalled when I saw the lame ass pictures of them throughout the c/d booklet then the mediocre crap that came after it
mgm1138eb 1 month ago
This fucking guy keeps wearing glasses indoors and THEN he gets all excited about cutting off his dick while listening to Metallica. I can't tell if he's stupid or stupid.
dethbymagix51 1 month ago
@eric8542011 Agree with you.
DonWucky 1 month ago
who would have thought even on paper that Lou Reed meets Metallica would sound good at all?
romeosdistress 1 month ago
@romeosdistress
I guess the songwriting style of Lou Reed and the musical style of Metallica may have sounded good in somebody's head at one time.
justforthelulzzz 2 weeks ago
Amongst Coverkillernation's best reviews to date. Love it! The anger is brilliant in this one.
demonhalo67 1 month ago
Does anybody else find it ironic that 2011's third St. Anger was made by the band who released St. Anger in the first place?
43Necrophagist 1 month ago 3
just wanted find this review ;)
HockeyGamer94 1 month ago
I would cut off my legs and my tits instead of listening to this album.
43Necrophagist 1 month ago
i think st anger was acceptable for dirty window and st anger and frantic but this whole album lulu just sucks.
rickerdisnogmaagd 1 month ago
I agree. 2011 was a pretty big flop year for music.
SaturnTrack 1 month ago
Master Of Tables
boyd1998 1 month ago
He is right :S Metallica embrassed emselves with Lou Reed, and that is Lou Reed's Fault
boyd1998 1 month ago
I love how Metallica actually defends this piece of shit. James said the only people who hate on Lulu are the people "living in their mom's basement". Real original insult, you fucking tool. I definitely didn't stop using that when I was 12 >_>
justforthelulzzz 2 months ago
@SUPERCHARGER2001 Just for the record I'm 39. I remember when Ride The Lightning came out. I bought Master of Puppets the day it came out. I saw Metallica open for Ozzy on that tour. The Metallica I know and love is long gone. Which just is said. In my OPINION they are a very faded shadow of their former selves and that really saddens me they use to be the greatest. But glad you still like them. Someone needs to.
17wadelee 2 months ago
Thumps up if your love Metallica and you dont had liste "LULU" and never wont listen it!!
DonWucky 2 months ago
Sorry, but this review is just as annoying as the album.
Methrt3 2 months ago
Why is my table full of arrows???
skater6511 2 months ago
Metallica HATED THE RELEASE BUT LOU REED LOVED IT!!! THAT IS WHY LULU WAS RELEASED!!!!!!
RealGamingExperience 2 months ago
What about "Lulu 2"? I can't wait!! {:-)
noblecause 2 months ago
Metallica are wasting their career making shit albums. Lou Reed WTF!
Metalzombie8000 2 months ago
Metallica what were you thinking? Its shite!
iceonaboy 2 months ago
Before I checked this album out, I saw this and Mrcannibalspork's review, and it sounded pretty shitty from your guys point.
Four days later, I listen to "Pumping Blood"
It was actually WORSE than I though it would be.
I thought i was trolled. Lou Reed sounds like a drunken mountain troll.
MoonlapseOpethian 2 months ago 2
I AM THE TABLE
WolfataDoor 2 months ago
i liked this album! it's truly not a album made for everyone! it's like when Kanye West released 808's...hiphop fans were pissed off too! But hey its Art-Metal!!! deal with it..lol
love the passion behind this review
SanJuanCreole 3 months ago in playlist Favorite videos
@SanJuanCreole
Just like 808s was "art pop"? No, that album was ASS. Especially compared to this older work.
justforthelulzzz 2 months ago
This is just Mindfuck album. And, possibly, infuenced by Insane Clown Posse - Miracles
SlavaGen 3 months ago
HAHAHAHAAH best review ever. I felt all those things just by hearing one song from this pathetic release of the Tallica boys and Lou Reed... What were they thinking man.
immortalsoloist 3 months ago
LMAO!!...quite possibly the greatest rant ever...
NotoriousYeshi 3 months ago in playlist More videos from coverkillernation
7:08 is where the really good part starts. Abstract minimalism, hysterical really!
BleakVision 3 months ago
"Lou Reed had diarrhea of the pen writing this album" Hahahaha that is classic and should be copyrighted pronto!! :D
Nigelcf 3 months ago
I can't say I blame him for getting pissed off, I was to. I've heard that Lou Reed was good (I've never taken the chance to hear his work though), and Metallica is one of the most influential bands EVER (Yeah, I said it, ever. When you've influenced about 90% of the modern metal genre and about 50- 60% of the modern rock genre, you earn that title). I listened to this album, and I hated it. To me, it was one of the worst albums I've ever heard. Hopefully Metallica's ACTUAL new album is good.
JeremyWootenOFFICIAL 3 months ago 2
They should use this album for tortures....
Max18539 3 months ago
METALLICA, U ARE FUCKIN DUMB! I DESTROYED ALL MY METALLICA CDS IN THE 80S. THEY OFFICIALLY SUCK! METALLICA = WORST BAND EVER! THEIR HEAVY SHIT STILL SUCKS!!!
Andrew65664 3 months ago
dammn.............. he caught mad feelings
russianrocker95 3 months ago
Well said. :P
yousuckgoatballs 3 months ago
Your reviews are very entertaining
DeliciousDivo 3 months ago
"Retardation"?? How is this a credible review?
TheSilencer1313 3 months ago
@TheSilencer1313 Because it is an opinion.
patorr69 3 months ago
You're comments are just so intelligent. And you also seem to be very open minded :-)
TheSilencer1313 3 months ago
TH1RT3EN!!!!!!!!!!!!We got a great thrash/speed metal album and metallica fens get Lulu.Lol any one but me?
zippera95 3 months ago
@zippera95 Yeah I know, as Megadeth continues to play it safe over and over again.
TheSilencer1313 3 months ago
@TheSilencer1313 Well have you even heard of "Risk" ?They did try to go out of the style they had.It doesn't work.As a thrash/speed metal band they are gods.So what would you have : a band that has 4 gods of metal music or a band that has 4 old men who hate (at least that is what they show with the shit they put out) the music and fans of the music that made them famouse.Metallica sucks.Without Mustaine they always sucked.Krik Hamett is a bitch.Peace...SELLS!
zippera95 3 months ago
James Hetfield is the fucking table dude
eminemdisstopia 3 months ago
The only thing that sucks more than Lulu is this fat nerd ranting about it.
marcus3379 3 months ago
1:27 he sounds like Jack Black
thrasher492 3 months ago
METAPHORIC FUCKING NONSENSE!!!! That cracked me up! Fanastic review!
BleakVision 3 months ago
if u dont like it dont listen to it...metallica is my favorite band and i havent listened to 1 song off lulu...i listen to metallica music not metallica AND lou reed...fuck lou reed
blackshadow811 3 months ago
a job well done fellow metal head
TheYomomma619 3 months ago
Lars Ulrich noted the negative reaction to Lulu, and stated that he wasn't surprised by the criticism due in part because, "In 1984, when hard-core Metallica fans heard acoustic guitars on 'Fade to Black', there was a nuclear meltdown in the heavy-metal community," and also noted that Reed's poetry is "not for everyone. (Taken from Wikipedia)
Colbystrns 3 months ago
@Colbystrns Did he say that? Well if he did, will someone tell him that nuclear meltdown response is complete bollocks as Maiden and Sabbath had plenty of accoustic stuff in prior to that and it was well appreciated amongst fans.
t2mimeticpolyalloy 3 months ago
You're so right dude
ArielParkYeah 3 months ago
I wish the evening news was like this.
jimmyshitbags 3 months ago
Enter Table
Through the Table
Creeping Table
Jump in the Table
Phantom Table
Trapped under Table
Shortest Table
Disposable Tables
Table Militia
Table Inc
Bodomforever666 3 months ago 34
@Bodomforever666 Of Table And Man
That Was Just Your Table
Table and Redemption
The Four Tables
The Table That Never Comes
The Judas Table
The Table That Failed
Table Appocalypse
Table of Sorrow
.....And Justice For Table
gamerguy425 3 weeks ago
@gamerguy425 The Table That Never Comes sounds just disturbing lol
patorr69 2 weeks ago
@Bodomforever666
Master Of Tables
Harvester Of Tables
The Table That Should Not Be
Hit The Table
Anesthesia-Pulling Tables
Fight Fire with Tables
Ride The Table
QuorthonandCronos 2 weeks ago
AMEN
salbarajas 3 months ago
U mad bro ???
Allen33666 3 months ago 2
Tabledeth is more consistent than Taballica.
Eospag 3 months ago 2
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Damn Right bro! I feel ya!
Lou Reed= Pretentious DICK DOUCHE. Lou Reed fans, Pretentious Dicks working to get their degree in douche baggery
Revanjj 3 months ago
Would Metallica do the world a favor and just retire or go their separate ways! Death Magnetic was better than anything they've done since 1991. It still is subpar for metal music. The Metallica I love and still listen to this day is gone forever. The same people who created what thrash should be with innovated, aggressive and spell binding music has replaced it with boring, rehashed, Nickleback carp. It really is to bad. It's like losing them to the slow disease of complacency. It really hurts.
17wadelee 3 months ago 14
@17wadelee you have your opinion, but your opinion shit, just saying
SUPERCHARGER2001 2 months ago
@SUPERCHARGER2001
That is without a doubt one of the dumbest motherfucking things I've ever read in my life.
justforthelulzzz 2 months ago
@justforthelulzzz Me?!, you sick bastard!
SUPERCHARGER2001 2 months ago
@SUPERCHARGER2001
Yes, you. Calling somebody else's opinion "shit"? Are you fucking serious?
You must be in 8th grade or something.
justforthelulzzz 2 months ago
@justforthelulzzz yes that guys opinion is shit thank you very much, and i'm 20 dude, not fucking 14, anyway i wasn't talking to you, so why you coming on me and start saying shit huh, oh and why i am even talking to you, because i can shit whenever i want dude, and i don't give a rats ass what you think about what opinion or comment sucks! dude, so seriously!, just piss off
SUPERCHARGER2001 2 months ago
@SUPERCHARGER2001
I honestly doubt you're 20. You don't seem to get that by 20, you stop thinking and acting on your emotions, so no 20 year old in the right mind would dare say somebody else's opinion is "shit".
So what you basically are saying, is either you're lying and you're under 15, or you're a 20 year old with a disability. Take your pick.
justforthelulzzz 2 months ago
@justforthelulzzz Haha, your a funny guy i'll give you that, but really i still stand by my statement, i think that guys opinion is "Shit" okay, and Honestly i still don't care if you think i'm 14 or not, i'm just giving you my honest opinion okay, really can you just stop talking, To Me!
SUPERCHARGER2001 2 months ago
@17wadelee Metallica died along with Cliff Burton in the crash.....
Metallicanofawesome 2 months ago
Well put. We all kind of knew this was going to pretty much blow, what's more offensive is that it sold 15k it's first week. If there's any reason at all to stream an album BEFORE you buy it, this is it.
Your reviews are very good, keep up the good work. and let's all hope Gojira can show the so-called "big name bands" how to release a truly great album.
It truly has been a disappointing year.
TheHollowman46 3 months ago
Tomato sauce is good. Ice cream is good. But would you have them together?
FormerlyMrBean667 3 months ago
@FormerlyMrBean667 The ice cream was great 20 years ago but then sold out to frozen yogurt and has sucked ass since then.
GoJays09 3 months ago
The first time metallica gets artistic in like 20 years people get pissed.. its back to chugga chugga cheap solo I guess. Lou Reed is genious as always.
lynstock 3 months ago
@lynstock i wish lou reed sang as much as he talked on this album. :(
RVBeEtZ 3 months ago
@RVBeEtZ But Lou never sings..
lynstock 3 months ago
ur right.. u really are, but i'm pretty sure james is lowering the expectations for his last album..
geelkapje64 3 months ago
To claim they stretch their musical ideas beyond breaking point is a complete understatement. Even on the rare occasion where they do stumble(and i do mean stumble) across a vaguely good idea, the repetition drains whatever life exists out of it, leaving you with nothing to hold on to.
It's an empty, pretentious joke of a record, that is just as bad in theory as it is in practice.
And i agree there is no real market for this record, outside of gullible fanboys.
lamentate07 3 months ago
Comment removed
lamentate07 3 months ago
Now as a metalhead that is into the arts, i can say quite confidently that it's true that the majority of metal fans do not enjoy, or understand, abstract art, just like most people out there, but that is not the reason they don't like it. The album just isn't good. I understand what they are doing, and can deal with the play on opposites, the shifting musical relations etc, but it just doesn't work. It sounds like a parody of an art rock record from the 70's.
This guy is completely right.
lamentate07 3 months ago
Lou Reed fans that have connected with this album are saying the problem is not the album, but dumb/ignorant/uncultured metalheads that don't understand more complex art forms, and that need to have everything delineated to them in terms of rigid structures, tight production, traditional ideas of song 'development' etc etc.
lamentate07 3 months ago
Master of Tables.
RottingLegion 3 months ago
i enjoying the review until you went retarded, stop talking so fucking loud dude and lay off the sugar, your a little hypo and annoying.
nateswitch 3 months ago
i hope they dnt tour this album!!!
chompykitty 4 months ago
jimi hendrix once said that he liked lou reeds guitar playing. that is where the problems originally began. he should have given up years ago
iantoau 4 months ago
sorry if im late on this or something but i dont get it whats up with the whole table thing. i see it on some metallica vids and on tumblr and what not. can someone please explain.
MetalAndOtherGenres 4 months ago
@MetalAndOtherGenres Its a lyric from "The View" by Metallica and Lou Reed" "I AM THE TABLE I AM!"
TheFuckinAndrew 4 months ago
@MetalAndOtherGenres In the song "The View," James sings the line "I am the table" a good four times, and it makes not one amount of sense. Apparently it was supposed to be tablet, either way it's retarded.
ABR2139 4 months ago
I knew this was going to happen....After i had heard "The View"
MrIlive4metal 4 months ago
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MrIlive4metal 4 months ago
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Right on Bro!! LMAO!!!
DenPay 4 months ago
Wow, Lewis Black had a kid?
Johansbutt 4 months ago 14
Though I agree with this reviewer, I must say that this guy is annoying as fuck. A total douchebag actually. Its like he bows down to fit in with the "cool" metal/rock world. The predictable look at me I like Pink Floyd and Megadeth too-Fred Durst is a douchebag-limp bizkit sucks if its not Dream Theater-esque metal its bullshit type faget sheep of a music fan who must wear a black shirt and have long hair especially at a concert to be cool and "in" with the metal world. Fuck off.
caidema 4 months ago
Lou Reed is off key the all album. It's simply awfull...
Lulu is way worst than the last Morbid Angel album.
PoolOfBooze88 4 months ago
Newsted and Mustaine are probably laughing their asses off.
And what would Cliff think?
UndefinedNerd 4 months ago
@UndefinedNerd We wouldn't be asking that question if Cliff was still alive. What has happened to Metallica in the past 16 years or so? Yeah, Cliff NEVER would've let that happen.
MrLizardKing96 4 months ago
@MrLizardKing96 He would.Cliff was a massive Lou Reed fan and a massive Velvet Underground fan, a band who stood for creative art-music that pushed the limits.The album is great if you could hear it without your "it's different" taboo shadowing it.
TheWhowasit 4 months ago
@TheWhowasit Well for one thing I didn't mean this album I meant what Metallica became after he died in general, if Metallica still had Cliff today and they continued to do as good as they did in the 80s for their whole career then this album wouldn't have been much of a big deal but in my opinion this just made the hole that Load, Relaod, and St Anger made even bigger. And also I don't like it because I just can't get into it not because they tried something new, I will admit I have been harsh
MrLizardKing96 4 months ago
@TheWhowasit (Continued) torwards this album, I suppose it just caight me off-guard, you know? And hey, the next Metallica album is coming soon and maybe it'll be pretty good. But like I said earlier, this just isn't my cup of tea. I usually enjoy bands doing something else, Im a really big Rush fan and if you know who they are then you would know how much they experimented and did new things with their music.
MrLizardKing96 4 months ago
@UndefinedNerd you should think of more original comments because you really suck
TheBrando382 4 months ago
@TheBrando382 At least i dont suck as much as the Lulu album :)
UndefinedNerd 4 months ago
I would have enjoyed this review a lot more if you didn't do a Lewis Black impression the entire time.
jason801 4 months ago
i really dont understand why metal fans get so worked up about stuff like this (particularly a new metallica release). it is like listening to a fan of a football team or something.
shaunmohagan 4 months ago
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Metallica is working with Rick Rubin again, they will be recording for the most of 2012. We will get a real new Metallica album!!
Cartman8kyle789 4 months ago
I am eagerly awaiting Scott Stapp's collaboration with Electric Wizard next year.
perrottafamily1 4 months ago
U mad
kurdt40894 4 months ago
Voice of the voiceless. HAHAHAHA!
MetalDefender1 4 months ago
the album is pure garbage and the biggest turd ever.
Daskeladden1 4 months ago
i love it when people go nuts over this album, i laugh so hard, good review haha
NathFilms 4 months ago
This album just made me roll my eyes. Really.
It's a shitty album from 2 shitty outfits. The only thing that surprised me was that it was THAT bad.
Metallica is as much metal as a dish-washing sponge. And Lou Reed has only had 1 good album in the last 30 years.
To any fanboys out there: The metal flag is being carried by someone else now; has been for the last decade or so.
You're looking for hard and heavy? Metallica is Kleenex. Go find some rusty sandpaper instead.
DameunPutazo 4 months ago
@DameunPutazo The metal flag has been carried by Iron Maiden since the day Number of the Beast was released.
foottothenuts 4 months ago
@foottothenuts Not sure I agree, but Maiden is definitely more metal than Metallica.
DameunPutazo 4 months ago
@DameunPutazo fuck off mexican
TheBrando382 4 months ago
@TheBrando382 LMAO. You're a sad fanboy with nothing but lame insults.
Too bad.
Cut back on the weaksauce and wipe Lars' shit off your nose; if that's the best you got, you've truly hit rock bottom.
Don't worry, I hear Metallica's new album will be out by next year, so you can start masturbating to it now. Go on, I won't stop you.
DameunPutazo 4 months ago
@DameunPutazo what does being a fanboy has anything to do with the fact that you are a mexican and need to fuck off? are you retarded?
TheBrando382 4 months ago
@TheBrando382 So we agree? You ARE a fanboy. LMAO
That's worse than being Mexican, and the sad part is that you wanted to be a loser fanboy. You're pathetic; you're actively searching for someone to piss on you.
Me? I just make the best of the hand I was dealt with. Frankly, being Mexican is the only thing keeping me down. Otherwise, I'd probably be a Senator. You, on the other hand, are just pitiful.
No. I'm not retarded. And yes, you are lame. That's the truth. Look it up. LMAO
DameunPutazo 4 months ago
@DameunPutazo fucking retard, really? do you even know how to read in english? i never said i MYSELF was a fanboy. Fucking stupid beaner.
TheBrando382 4 months ago
@TheBrando382 "...read in English" is not a proper statement; that's what people with poor, under-privileged education say to hide their inadequacies.
And I never said I was a 'beaner'; though I suspect you took an interest in me, like a fag, to warrant your "insult". Cuz that's all you had.
Remember: You replied to me, not the other way 'round.
I laugh at your comments. I poke a little, and wait for your failed response like... a troll? Then I laugh some more.
Stupid beaner > You.
Sadly.
DameunPutazo 4 months ago
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@DameunPutazo i don't even know what you are talking about, and i didn't even bother to read you long ass comment. I mean, why would you take the time to actually answer to me if you think i'm that stupid? Prepotent loser. Now fuck off beaner, go back to fucking Mexico
TheBrando382 4 months ago
You look like Lars haha
RadiationThrash 4 months ago
Weeeeell, they screwed up, badly, even for a side project buuuut i still think their studio album will actually be very good. Th1rt3en is awesome though, they'll have a rough time pairing with it.
m4f14d4d 4 months ago
lol i am the table is probably gonna turn into a meme.
08Cheeseits 4 months ago
I AM THE TABLE!!!!!
MrMalta415 4 months ago
all i can say is that when they finally release there own new album it better be fucking awesome , and they better do another world tour
thats all i care about !
side projects are sideprojects ,this is not meant to be a metallica album keep that in mind its a collaboration .
metallica are not stupid they know what we want and theye were headed in the right direction with d.m give em time im sure we will be al ver impressed when there new studio album is released (fingers crossed)
dusted04 4 months ago
If Metallicas 10th studio album doesn't cut it, then I will have officially lost all faith in them.
MrLizardKing96 4 months ago
Master of Whatafucks... Come on man, I can't laugh like that anymore, I actually respect Jamz,
DimitryMetal 4 months ago
Lulu is an interesting album... I'm gonna have to buy it cus i vowed to buy every Metallica record. Its different. But some people will like it... Fuck it, IT SOUNDS TERRIBLE, JESUS CHRIST I THOUGHT DEATH MAGNETIC WAS A START OF THEIR POWERFUL COMEBACK OF BRINGING BACK THE ORIGINAL HEAVY METAL. I was obviously wrong. I respect Metallica, this isn't a Metallica album...
Cyanide5151 4 months ago
I cant believe this shit came out and made everyone forget about Illud Divinius
PylonOvBlack 4 months ago
The seriousness of this review brings the luls
sksugarman 4 months ago
learn to relax man , this attitude scares women away and you'll go bold
2009korte 4 months ago
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Grandpa Simpson was a great vocalist on LuLu
bobbyphx 4 months ago
Table 'Em All
Ride the Table
Master of Tables
And Justice for Tables
Tabletallica/The Table Album
Table
ReTable
St. Table
Table Magnetic
rkrokberg 4 months ago 35
@rkrokberg *Death Tabletic
liveShit 4 months ago
@rkrokberg Nah nah more like: And Tables For All
(: lol
ABR2139 4 months ago
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Bodomforever666 3 months ago
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Bodomforever666 3 months ago
dude.. you should join the WWE!
SpiritMolecule1 4 months ago
And so you are now the director of Metallica? When last I checked James Hetfield directed Metallica, not Coverkiller. As such, James Hetfield decides how Metallica's music "mold[s] itself." Resistance to the album then comes not from any rightful critique of error-checking, much less from any insight into musicology. Instead, resistance to it comes from frustration with being unable to control the free will of the beloved.
mtoverman 4 months ago
@mtoverman yeah? well maybe hetfield should let Coverkiller do it on their next album. shit, it can't hurt 'em any worse than the garbage hetfield has been coming up with for the last 20 years
TheSMick87 4 months ago
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TheSMick87 4 months ago
@TheSMick87 Nice job at indicting yourself by misreading, or ignoring, the point of the post. I rest my case.
mtoverman 4 months ago
i think i might stick some music behind this review
kix7711therealone 4 months ago
I think your emotional review proves that Reed's use of provocative and unconventional expressions ("I would cut off my legs and my tits" for example) worked for shock value as intended,not to mention that it portrays Lulu and her cold and harsh fem fatale life brilliantly.You feel that sick dirt, when thous words are being said.
TheWhowasit 4 months ago
@TheWhowasit Regarding your review, I must say that I completely disagree.Yet that is the nature of experimental music, it will either be truly adored, or truly despised.I think you should separate phrases "I don't like" and "I don't understand" and be a little easier with claims about the album. I hail Metallica for not being afraid to do something truly new, rather then mesmerize their loving fans with the same old. Even if you don't like the album,you should feel treated with proper respect.
TheWhowasit 4 months ago
@Misanthroprizza I never thought about Metallica songs that I didn't like before. Now I have an instant reference of sorrow. lol I have a feeling this "table" thing is going to haunt them. Whenever I think of Metallica, I am going to think "I am a table", but I'll laugh, so it'll be good for me. And THAT, is the only good thing that came out of this album.
BCBtheBeastlyBeast 4 months ago
I'm really counting on this failing badly, it has too. It's easily one of the top 5 worst of all time. Of course I'm not counting radio garbage or rap cause that ain't music.
Alhambrattp 4 months ago
This makes st anger look like rust in peace.
austin2460 4 months ago 21
@austin2460 Or Peace Sells
MrIlive4metal 4 months ago
@austin2460 or Master of puppets.
chikari123 3 months ago
@austin2460 well said :)
WnBParodyTV 3 months ago
for short description skip to 9:17
mydino95 4 months ago
I find it sad that everyone is going to hate this album. I find it even more sad how close minded most Metallica fans are. I personally enjoyed this album very much. Music is subjective, and I understand if this album isn't your cup of tea. But there is no denying the fact that Metallica has actually (for a change) done something artistic and true, aside from making another commercial album to appease to their corporate masters.Funny,Master of Puppets is like the theme song for Record Companies.
RequiemForaBromance 4 months ago
@RequiemForaBromance You don't have to be a Metallica fan to hate this album. It sucks. Plain and simple. Not only is it boring, but Lou Reed takes it another step further and makes it downright annoying. I just hope we don't have to wait forever until another REAL Metallica album is developed.
BCBtheBeastlyBeast 4 months ago
@BCBtheBeastlyBeast Art is subjective.Opinions are subjective.Deciding whether it was right or wrong for you to reply to my comment is subjective, visa versa.There's nothing else really to say.You are probably going to reply with a comment that disagrees to this one,or maybe not.Either way, people are still going to hate this album.I find it sad that these guys won't be able to enjoy their work with their fans.No one wins.We all die unhappy.
RequiemForaBromance 4 months ago
@RequiemForaBromance Well, they'll be able to enjoy it you, now won't they? :) I can't help that I find the songs boring and annoying- they're monotonous, which is a fact. Most people don't like that. I'm not bashing you for liking it, I'm bashing the album for being almost entirely the same song over and over again, at least structure-wise.
BCBtheBeastlyBeast 4 months ago
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It's too bad that The Room is ten minutes longer than the Lulu album, cuz if they were the same length, you could play Lulu over The Room in its entirety and create one hell of a torture device.
TheAlanDeath 4 months ago
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ModerateMartian 4 months ago
Swedish magazine Metro had a fantastic review of this album. A rough translation:
"Metallica finally disappeared up their own assholes for good. The band walks the earth like a giant ass, Lou Reed it's rider. The desecrating combo farts humanity in the face - full throttle!"
It goes on like that :)
ArfPingvin 4 months ago
Jesus mate, why are you acting so offended and appalled? Metallica are just a bunch of burned out middle aged men who haven't released a decent album since ...And Justice For All.
littleaussierippa 4 months ago 3
@littleaussierippa Thank you for the best statement by far I have seen. No one has said that except for me. So thank you.
arabianmetalhead99 4 months ago
"The View is one of the best songs on this album..." Oh, my, fucking, god!
RojoJet 4 months ago
LMAO, quality rant from 7:00 to 7:40. I made this recommendation on another review too, but this might interest you guys : there is a robust cinematic adaptation on the Lulu plays directed by G.W. Pabst. The movie's title is Pandora's Box, featuring Louise Brooks as lead character Lulu. iMDB it if you want. Nice review, maybe I'll go and seek those high quality riffs, because I seem to have missed on them by a galactic mile on the first try.
youruglyfatmomma 4 months ago
Illud Divinum Insanus destroys this album. Lulu is a real piece of shit.
Beholder505 4 months ago
@Beholder505 Agreed.
arabianmetalhead99 4 months ago
xD JAMES IS A TABLE xD
kingmetallica1995 4 months ago