The Question That All Transpeople Should Ask Before Starting Transition

[karlberg]

Hi Megan, you got some good points. 2 months ago, I thought of all these questions. Then I came out to my family and friends. They were sad, shocked and all that, but my family have known that I'm like this since I was 12. People tell me too that I dont sound like a girl or behave like a girl but inside, I was never sure whether I'm male or female. I've regretted going back to being a man so many times. Now, I'm 30. I dont want to go back to being a man anymore. So tiring!

[AliAliDillyDally]

You make a lot of interesting points. Would I still transition if I knew I wouldn't pass? Yes. Why? Myself, people already stare and make comments. Coming out to people has revealed that to me. People already think I'm trans or gay or something like that. So I'm already used to it. It's sad, but I am.

I came out to my sister and she completely has my back. She wants me to be happen, whatever I may decide. Telling her I wanted to be a girl was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do so far.

[johnpg1957]

speaking of lacey where did she go in your videos

[Sooosseee]

Such a WOW QUESTION!

Great advice! Great inspiration!

Passable is subjective so its a part of what we have to experience on our own but might be where the online experience might be the best first gauge?

If passing is not happening one must do whats inside not on the outside.

Yes, very lonely experience!!!

[jenniadriana]

end up sooner committing suicide because I just can't take it any longer than even trying to live out the rest of that life, but... who knows. Maybe I'll end up finding a way to lose all the muscle mass, weight, pay for surgeries, and many other things. I'd rather focus on that than the possibility that I won't pass, and since I did once already, I know it's a possibility, however more remote now than before. I hope that impassability is not the case but... whatever happens, happens.

[jenniadriana]

when you compare this life to the flu and eternity being "life". So, whether that theory pans out or not, I do believe that it might just be feasible to live the rest of my life in the wrong body, and this facade. Better to have a fake relationship than no relationships at all, I feel. I HATE that because I would give ANYTHING to have a normal life as the girl I truly am but, that is the plight I've been dealt and I deal with it as best I can. Yes, that may very well kill me in the end, I may

[jenniadriana]

is but a fraction of our true lives. I'm not entirely sure what I believe about the "afterlife" but, I do believe that our spirits will live on forever, whether by bouncing from one earthly body to another (or alien) or into the spirit world, heaven, whatever you want to call it, and, that being the case, I think that, no matter how miserable this life is, in the grand scheme of things, it will be as miserable as having a bad case of the flu and feeling miserable in proportion to this life

[jenniadriana]

I've been told that I'm passable, which is good, but nevertheless, I had to go back to living as male (long story there). Now, I'm afraid all the time that when I re-transition, I won't pass... for whatever reason, lack of money to afford surgeries, being too big, etc. I can honestly say, that I highly doubt I'd ever finish transition. I know I could never have a real relationship and I'd probably be miserable most of my life- utterly depths of despair miserable, but I do believe that this life

[mikeschoff]

its an easy choice for me because i would rather have other people like think of me differently and possibly have them think badly of me than have myself hate every second of everyday for the rest of my life..

[JosiePosiePoodles]

Thank you for this video Meghan. Definitely got me thinking. <3

[FlipsideTG]

People tell me I'll pass someday if I see my transition through, but that's not something I worry about now. I am transitioning because when I weighed all the things that could possibly go wrong versus a future I couldn't bring myself to care for, it was an easy choice.

Meghan, you are a great source of mature, thoughtful advice (and silly, senseless moments w/ Laci). Thank you.

[Maiku2010]

Cool video Meghan, never would have guessed about your past.

[fireflygirl246]

I'm sorry if your not but this is a video about transsexuals. IF you are a transsexual your very luck because you completely pass. you look like a genetic woman, if your not trans don't be offended because you don't look it in the slightest, as I said if this was not a video about transsexuals It would not have crossed my mind.

[nakiatyl]

good advice i am going thru it myself now and i have been on hormones for 10 months and i so greatful that i am having a therapist and 2 doctors to help in my safe transition.

[Jonathansumner]

Ah ya, I was outed long before i was ready, so I figured well might as well go ahead the damage is done. But I am still taking things so.

[wmw1993]

You have some really good advice on this video. It makes me think. 1.live life off the web, 2. make friends for support 3.think long ,hard and clearly about transitioning. Websters dictionary, defines transition as"Passage from one state,stage or subject to another. A new subsciber, Bill wmw1993

[0southy]

Thank you Meghan for your words of wisdom. how did you deal with your gender dysphoria for so long without transtioning? when did you come out to your family? i came out to mine earlier this year but now, what if that was a mistake? I can't see transitioning anytime soon now, trying to bury it back inside. is that a bad thing?

northy

[stickpuppet]

Thank you for this video. It really made me question things that I hadnt really thought through. It actually helped me alot, because when I really thought about it, if I knew I would never pass, I would still transition. That really made me feel confident in the decision I made. Thank you so much for your videos!

luv Ally xX

[sweetbrandigirl]

The transsexual people are the one who feel the need to completely transition including GRS and live fully in the other gender and the trans gender people are those who live outside the box...pushing the envelop on society. I'm one who believe In therapy transition is such a life altering event no one should be making a decision to do it without consulting a fully trained medical professional and being sure it's what rights for them, as we all known there's NO going back.

Sincerely

Brandi

[sweetbrandigirl]

OMG !!! Meghan how many times I have said the exact same thing to so many people both in person giving lectures to differ support groups and online. Many People today go around the safety gates and jump into transition not fully thinking into consideration whats fully involved or thinking about what it means or how long it will take or how what it will cost them. I think Lynn Conway has it right on her site there are trans gender people and there are Transsexual people.

[joiereycohen]

I feel that I statements are healthier.And what's "normal"? Why is it that so many people on youtube are perpetuating the binary boxes that have been constructed to oppress?No one is an expert, and if someone claims to be one... Run very far away!!!!

[MeghansLife]

Hi Joie,

I didn't mean to offend in my post. I've made it  clear in my past videos that my opinions are mine and mine alone. I emphasize that people transition for their own reasons. I see some valid points in what you say. I myself, like many others, don't aim to live a non-binary existence to the extent that that is possible.

My channel/videos are targeting those who are identifying as binary. Like I said, I respect the fact that you don't., but realize that many of us do identify that way.

[joiereycohen]

Not everyone wants to "pass".The word "pass"implies that someone is being decpetive.However people choose to present their bodies/appearance is up to them.PASS, Pass, Pass.There is not lingering doubt for people.I'm sort of finding this video offensive because you are speaking in we and you statements and not in I statements.

[joiereycohen]

Everyone's path/life is diferent. When people say "you don't act like a girl or a boy".They are reinforcing the binary. Some people, including myself do not fall within the binary. Not everyone wants to conform to binary.

[joiereycohen]

The root Trans means change. Not necessarily from one defined box to another box. I am perfectly happy not "passing". My transition is mine.

[tbanks1024]

I agree with Meghan, never even think about uttering the words Im thinking about transitioning, I am a transsexual, until you are 110% sure and you would rather die than live another day in your current gender.

I also concur that the day you think you Totally pass is the day that you will have the most trouble. The key with passing is to be yourself, and do what makes you most comfortable; then it doesnt matter if you are passing or not, as you are the most comfortable that you can be.

[TrueRedAngel]

Here's my story ----- I had no idea what would lie ahead if I *did* transition ----- for all I knew, I could just die trying.

But what I *did* know is that if I *wouldn't* transition, the best-case scenario would be, well, not very good.

The worst thing I could have possibly done to myself by transitioning, even if transition went horribly wrong, would be hastening my demise.

[kotekotekitty]

i dont care if i pass or not and i never bother with a relationship unless it comes to me, i also dont care if ppl dont like me then but if my brothers and sisters and family either rejecting me or avoiding me is what i dont want, it would kill me to know that their uncomfortable cause of me

[TrueRedAngel]

They wouldn't be uncomfortable because of you. They would be uncomfortable because of their unwillingness to accept you --- which is their decision, not yours.

Don't get me wrong ---- rejection by family is still a risk you need to calculate. But that should be on account of needing or not-needing their support ----- guilt is not something that should enter the equation, 'coz their discomfort is due to their lack of acceptance, not you doing what you need to do.

[NoNameTransWoman]

Wow. That made me feel lime total crap. I'll maybe look like a full female someday...but just to answer I would still of began transition. Thirty five years of fighting against myself was worse than what anyone can say or do to me now.

[TrueRedAngel]

I agree with you 100%!!! (Of course --- I only did the fighting-against-stelf thing for 32 years --- don't think I'd have survived 35 of it.)

[itspaul70]

I think the more you stray from "normal" the more looks you get. Too smart or too dumb gets you the same look. Wear clothes other then "normal" will get you the same look as if you wear something exotic.

Coming out as anything more then "normal" is dangerous for anyone. Trans people have it a lot harder though.

How would someone with no money begin transition? What can they do to remain safe mentally and physically but still transition?

Feel better soon Laci.

[pantyhosification]

You're actually mature, which is a nice to see on here. I hope that some girls on here really listen to and think about these things. Really enjoy the video.

[jaimetrans]

Great video once again. You put in it a different perspective that I havent watched or even heard about. I agree that you should be prepared for the good and the bad.

[joandelynn]

There's nothing wrong with not continuing transition after you came out. It's true that the perspective that your family and friends have of you has changed forever, but it is still a more honest life. Even if you continue to live like a man, your friends and family will know that you feel differently inside, I don't think that's really that bad. It's better than continuing to live the lie.

[Xindi71]

i agree that it is good to confront things like whether u pass or not personally i am willing to acept the risk that im not going to pass. im used to been laugthed at or people talking about me and it doesnt affect me. i dont realy care about their apinions of me

[brdncharles]

oh before i forget, you should do a vid on yours and Laci's friendship if you haven't already. Your best friends? roomies?, would be interesting to hear how your friendship blossomed and whether you instantly got along or whether it took a while to warm up to each other.

Did she know you were transitioning when you met or have you been friends for longer? did the gender related stuff pull you closer together and had Laci encountered any other transitioners before she met you?

Bree x

[irishchristian777]

i think that baby steps is a good method, because if you change all things about yourself besides the use of hormones and the genitals that we have, and then living 6 months dressing as a woman and if you are happy with yourself knowing that is you and you will always be yourself. That is the day that transition is worth it, and what is "pass ability" in my opinion a woman is a person who is feminine and identifies as mentally female.

hope i made sense

your friend,

margurite

[brdncharles]

This video is gold Meghan, every potential transgirl/boy needs to see this video. You spoke about so many things we all go through and we all think during transition. Those hard questions one needs to ask themselves honestly.

Youre right aswell, passing on youtube is not even close to passing in real life, its a whole different ballgame, theres no where to hide the flaws with the interaction of real life- voice, body language, bodyshape all are much closely scrutinised if somethings amiss

[dizyrache]

great video hunni, i totally agree with everything you said. hugsx

[quimbyt]

There are a lot of GG`s that don`t pass as female.

[Tishaincal]

I couldn't agree more! This video you have posted is an example of wisdom. I have often asked myself the same question. Wondering if I will ever pass COMPLETELY... For me I believe I am only passable in passing.

Megan I really like this post.

[Jensagirl]

Good question to ask yourself but personal happiness should come first. Psychologist/Therapist will be honest with you if you will need some help with yor appearance before transitioning. Atleast mine was honest with me and told me I did not need HRT.

I am comfortable in my own skin and my kids are happy with me, that's all that matters to me.

Good Question though

[Crushedamds]

This is an amazing video, and seriously has a lot to say. I couldn't agree with you more. For me, when I first took on that first huge step to tell some I was trans, and to step into my transition, I was fully prepared to loose all those around me, but at the time, If I was told I would never pass, I would have probably never gained the courage at that point to transition, however, knowing what I know know, there is no doubt in my mind I made the absolute right decision to transition.

[iVictoriaX]

I saw a girl once in passing, she was tall and beautifull. The height part alone made me wonder. I think having that memory drives home what your saying about passing. Sure, she was probably gender female but it made me wonder. And of course I was jelous as hell.

[Weaselheadx]

That's pretty intense. I couldn't imagine. I've had some animosity towards me due to being an agnostic atheist, and towards being an anti-state person(anarchist, though I have problems with that word cause people associate it with 'chaos', which is not what I advocate). Anyhow, point being, I don't think those things even compare to what you must deal with. Stay strong!