Study: Americans Get Majority Of Exercise While Drunk

[LoboPreto]

Being drunk in school was the best! Hooray for Europe bitches!

[LittleGodOfGods]

random hater comment

[pinkfreud62]

Another reason I should drink more! :D

[abdurrahmanR]

sounds legit.

[InsertYourBeliefHere]

I thought The Onion only reported parody news stories? Seriously, this is 100% true.

[MrBigEnchilada]

this is actually truth, only some onion videos are exaggerations of the truth, and even then it is still pretty much true.

[APIECE0FW00D]

@MrBigEnchilada I...concur

[The1211deep]

Alcohol causes blood rush that's why people tend to keep moving when drunk.

[Jenmonty2009]

my sociology professor at LSU started the class out with this video today.... EPIC haha made my whole week

[TheYouwontgetit]

wow... they want to give alcohol to little kids...???

[Zer0Funk]

Same with sex. It's like it goes on forever because you can barely feel a goddamned thing.

[uwlwsrpm]

I don't get the outrage. Most of the news reported by a network comes from their own country. If twelve people died in the US, do you think news networks in Russia, France, or Brazil would cover it? Don't think so.

[AntiRacismAndHateCom]

@uwlwsrpm Actually, the BBC did report the deaths from contaminated cantaloupe in Colorado.

[F3FisGoodforYou]

1:30 could you imagine the quantity of trash all those kids meal create.. even the apple is in a plastic box... this is ridiculous.. and all those plastic container are made with oil...

[ugasziz]

@F3FisGoodforYou ugh doesnt that just piss you off

[Pielord09]

Hey whatta yanno america aint so different to Ireland

[gggmen101]

Sadly, this is probably partially true

[dropdead156]

and this is why I love america

[campbellbaby]

Seriously thought this was real up until the pie Chart.  "Walking to some guy's house to smoke pot" Brilliant !

[TheLeftiesrule]

I don't know what's funnier... The actual video or the retards who insult Americans and think that this is real.

[vertasd]

k..soo... i'm drunk now.. and damn, it is me.. or this shit makes more sense than my booze mode can agree... ahm, is it true? xd

[USA4July1776]

LOL!

[lieberat]

Hahahah ! Honestly this could work for americans, or make them run on a treadmill while waiting in a queue for food !

[Firezale1]

Remember when you could watch a video without having to sit through a commercial?

Remember when music videos were uploaded by users and not VEVO

Remember when all the info was to the right of the video?

Remember you could rate a video 1-5 stars?

Remember the famous yellow subscribe button?

Remember when the users controlled the site and now corporations?

Post this in every video and lets start a youtube revolution!

Thumbs up to keep at the top of the page!

[JackedLikeMe]

@Firezale1 Remember when you couldn't thumps up things

[Athils]

Screw you, Doc! Drinking is good for me!

[iliteritmonkey]

this actually isn't that unbelievable.

[jiggyy]

me and my friend were walking home drunk one night and we stole at least 10 heavy duty construction signs & street signs. it was probably the best upper body work-out i've done in the last 2 years

[behindthewallsleepin]

@jiggyy yeahh dude, construction signs are much heavier than they look!

[danie142009]

this is a joke right?

[pervysage35]

feminist groups speak out against hollywood depicting women as dependent on man's sperm to have a baby

the onion thinks of everything

[jiggyy]

This is The Onion's most underrated video.

[TheMightyP00tis]

@jiggyy really? beacause its the highest ratet video

[BrkItX]

This is 100% true with my life.

[Gaaabbbs]

Alright, now we should drink alcohol during PE classes!

[dreamerstays]

Should be good reason to bring drinking age down. Congress people need to watch this.

[Amputate]

lol why doesn't it apply to homeless people

[EvilMonkey350]

usually i think people are idiots when they ask if the onion is real or not. in this case, i sympathize with them, this study is pretty legit

[EddieTheFishReturns]

Whiskey for kids? I think we should do the democratic, American thing and let the kids decide! :-)

[dreamerstays]

@EddieTheFishReturns

Hah the kids will grow up soon and the little children who grow up to be kids will want to exercise their democracy too and ask for new voting, they will argue that the past kids have now grown up to be adults and their decisions dont count..i am just rambling now.

[mwillis1000]

Wow, i didnt realise america was that bad!

[dreamerstays]

@mwillis1000

Yes its that bad. Some people in other parts of the world were rejoicing after seeing this video on Al jajira, just like during 9/11

[abarreloflols]

whisky for lunch? I'm down with that

[psycho642]

Whiskey at lunch for the kids....if it's for their health then it should be done

[dreamerstays]

@psycho642

Yea absolutely. Did TheOnion do any research on pot?

[psycho642]

@dreamerstays They should..I mean.If it's for their own good kids should smoke pot ..WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT !!!!

[WarRogers]

These are the kinds of stories ONION does best

[28incubus]

If u think It's funny when ppl take this seriously, check out all the videos that popped up in response to the JB 51 yo pedophile report. So damn funny! Kid's got the dumbest fan-base on earth.

[MrDTproductiions]

Maybe but all of the carbs and calories make you fat. And its all fake.

[METALMAN4Wii]

Meh 7-11 has better Hotdogs than Circle K.......!

[dragonknight977]

god i love it when people take this seriously XD

[lpfan091989]

Forget CNN, I trust ONN, that's where I get my news.

[MrPointless]

@lpfan091989 They're definitely less biased than most news channels!

[chukas88]

OMG serving children whiskey! Thats the dumbest thing I've heard.

Whiskey is too expensive, it will make the education system be in even more financial problems that before.

[behindthewallsleepin]

@chukas88 vodka, on the other hand, is madd cheap. i can get a handle for 10 bucks around here. of course, its absolutely horrendous haha

[METALMAN4Wii]

@chukas88 You dam Cheap Republicans it's for the good of the Children.......!

[gajer42]

LOOL i love the ending,

the Onion never fails to amuse me

[AngGomezZAH]

@kevinnaslund LMFAO haven't you noticed this is fake? Drinking age is 21, and how can you take serving whiskey to elementary school kids seriously? Actually, how can you take ANYTHING of this seriously? Omg how gullible can a person be?

I just can't believe you think that stuff said by a news station called "ONION NEWS NETWORK". You're so stupid.

[whiteyonwelfare]

LMAO - "Walking to some guy's house to smoke pot"

[bratwurstle]

That's the thing about the Onion, keeps crankin out the gold. Always so accurate, in a twisted sort of way.

[cello18]

LMFAO

[Mcheetah]

They forgot Masturbating. 200 calories burned, bro!

[Andgrey]

I think Kevinnaslund tricked you all. Hahahaha! douches!!!

[robiluvsu]

this is so more hilarious then fox news

[Ozowa]

The is hella fuckin' balls-to-the-wall awesome.

[akicky55]

i spit out my drink laughing about the guy twirling the beer bong around

[finalstagemetal]

"I wrote the research proposal that night. And then me and my colleagues went and knocked over a statue."

[kevinnaslund]

this is why i never would send child to usa school, because all the stewdents dont learn enough for success in real world. and schools allowing kids to drink at age 18 is too young, so i choose to send children to school outside usa education. drinking and exercising isnt good because you dehydrate urself and its not healthy. serving whiskey to elementry school students is just to show how bad america really is. finally real news is showing what really happens in america.

[ryannmurphy1992]

@kevinnaslund are you retarded? this is a fake news station and everything they report on is fake. this is supposed to be a joke. obviously schools outside the usa arent teaching common sense cuz u must be on crack if u actually thought this was real.

[diesel5355]

drinking age is 21 in the usa dipshit

[Trainfoamer101]

@diesel5355 and 19 in Canada 18 in Quebec wooooot!!

[badarbiter]

@kevinnaslund Drinking isn't aloud until the age of 21, SEX is the thing aloud at 18. also...this is the onion news a FAKE news program. I still can't believe people take it at face value like this...

[jadeyes914]

@kevinnaslund

1) apparently, you aren't smart enough to notice a joke when you see one

2) the drinking age in the usa is 21, not 18

3) "stewdents" is spelled "students"

that being said, who are you to say that american education isn't good enough?

[uptop84]

@kevinnaslund i know guys whose drunk make more sense than you!!

[jabom99]

@kevinnaslund Are you drunk?

[DriftTheory9]

@kevinnaslund LMFAO! Epic reaction. I almost dont want to tell you this shit is fake. Its ok, you can let your kids go to school now. I bet they will make great "stewdents". LOL

[uptop84]

@kevinnaslund i know some dude whos drunk that makes more sense than you!

[TheDragonsword123]

@kevinnaslund you douchebag this is a F-A-K-E NEWS CHANNEL. ITS ACTUALLY A COMEDY SHOW.

[narg43]

@kevinnaslund Its fake news

LMAO

[prophetslostme]

spend at least one night a week climbing the local water tower

[ralphieboogerbottoms]

Keg-stands really do work the delts better than the Total-Gym, and increases balance while your fuckin' hammered.

[Trainfoamer101]

@ralphieboogerbottoms Now that is true

[jbrun009]

Why didn't I think of this? Damn you Onion, you've defeated me again!

[AquaMarYne92]

lol does anyone read the running bar they have at the bottom? it's just as ridiculous

[TheFireWaterEarth]

"The study does not apply to homeless people."

TRUE STORY.

[vycka1234]

Whiskey for lunch. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!

[rustymuckybottoms]

@vycka1234 no shit, i need to talk my boss into this!

[RomZruleTeHworld]

Lets Drink!

[houchi69]

New Diet: Wasted Diet.

[eobo1]

wooo whisky for luch ;D

[mostliberal]

@eobo1 Only in america and in Ireland is whiskey considered a drinkable type of liquor.

[curlymolly70]

@mostliberal And thats only because of the Irish population there

[welovenatnalex]

"throwing glass mugs against a wall"

haha I love the onion

[Ironmanbearpig004]

27 didn't get there exercise while being intoxicated

[Frances3654]

lol the guy doing pull ups

[MeatFruiteCake]

omg drinking is no healthy ffsomg.........so many calories in alcohol and omglol they serv school kidz whiskey??????????

[BoomquishaJenkins]

@MeatFruiteCake You are really dumb, forreal.

[TheSmartestTaco]

@BoomquishaJenkins Thank Antoine Dodson for those words of wisdom.

[fpoppelaars]

@MeatFruiteCake it is a joke ;)

[TimeQueenofRome]

I'm going to start shoplifting to confirm these studies!

[Towelietowel]

I clicked on this thinking it was The Onion, and instead I get this legit news report?

Oh and my prayers go out to all the American families who had to suffer the agony of briefly suspecting a loved one might have been killed.

[ohgoodjoy]

The "12 killed but in Sri Lanka" headline is so sadly true. If they're not American apparently they don't matter.

[me2910]

..by serving whiskey at lunch.

[KamikazeChris33]

The animation of the shop lifting hot dogs.... just killed me!! LOL

[nelson3300]

LOL chasing crying girlfriends down the street...

[daredevil720]

funny... but sadly true. lmao

[nottinmatterz2day]

geez i agreed with it all until they said give whiskey to kids wtf can't do that

[elk832]

Shoplifting an armful of hotdogs ftw

[allyDROPKICK]

HOLY FUCK HAHAHAHAAH

[MrRobottic]

@sefrzan nah, I was showed this video by a friend.

[MrRobottic]

Doesn't apply to homeless people? Homeless people are always on the move, and most of them are almost always drunk! Why shouldn't it apply to homeless people?

[sefrzan]

@MrRobottic I'm assuming you didn't read the study

[AmAxOReload]

the onion is getting more and more good!!!

[pseudonominous]

@AmAxOReload "more and more good"

OMFG.............. *double face palm*

[AmAxOReload]

@pseudonominous is it getting better... :)

[pseudonominous]

@AmAxOReload :P

[shrek187]

@pseudonominous

He is probably drunk.

[bigcack48]

Watch once for the video, then again to watch the ticker at the bottom haha

[volutes12]

this is funny because it's soooo true!!!!

[sami2503]

haha i love the onion - wouldn't be suprised if this was actually true

[james213kmc]

New web based organ-donor list allows people to vote on which patients get transplants first. lol

[dickofafrica]

is this true?

[PZCherokee]

@dickofafrica Lol it's a joke! A massive joke.

[JJarv213]

sadly, i do get most of my exercise while drunk

[DanceDaNightAway]

alright thats it, im getting drunk!

[thegreatCOOPS]

what does 12 killed BUT in sri lanka mean? what is with the but?

[jevicci]

@thegreatCOOPS It implies that no one really cares what happens in a place like Sri Lanka.

[redcheeseguitar1]

@thegreatCOOPS dumbshit it implies nobody cares about sri lanka.

Everybody else who isn't a dumbshit: sorry for ruining the joke.

[thegreatCOOPS]

@redcheeseguitar1 no need to insult.

[kasuskasus]

"When kids are drunk, kids are moving." Ace!

[Skate4life12396]

0:18 IS SOOO TRUE walking to a friends house to smoke pot.....everynight baby..

[XxXColeTrainxXx]

They need to make another Onion Movie!!!

[knuckleskills]

later this hour: 12 dead

but in sri lanka.

Obviously faked. Only 12 people dead would never make the news in the US! :)

[RandallDavidson]

@knuckleskills Obviously it's fake. It's the fucking Onion.

[MaweyPamtseosiyu]

@knuckleskills yea, unless its the fucking holocaust, americans are too lazy to care. unless its americans that die.

[eatmytool1]

@MaweyPamtseosiyu yeah, unless you count nealy EVERY natural disaster around the world! you know nothing

[MaweyPamtseosiyu]

@eatmytool1 america is just the fat country of the world. there are very few actually cool people in america. america is also the most Hippocratic country.

[eatmytool1]

@MaweyPamtseosiyu LOL "Hippocratic" huh?!? maybe you should learn english and expand your vocabulary before you choke on another big word like that!! you're just another ignorant rape baby tolling youtube....*yawn....again, you know NOTIHNG!

[MaweyPamtseosiyu]

@eatmytool1 i know nothing? English isn't my first language but you just ignore what i say and jump to the first flaw in grammar. i speak English more advanced than many of the rednecks i have seen.

[eggiex1]

@eatmytool1 Isn't it ironic that you make fun of him for misspelling the word "hypocritical", and you end your little rant by misspelling the word "nothing" which is a much more common word... Not to mention you misspelled "trolling" too.

[eggiex1]

@eatmytool1 Oh wait, I can see you misspell words left and right throughout your comments. I guess you must be one of those hypocrites he mentions, since you are mocking him for his youtube spelling skills while at the same time misspelling words left and right.

[eatmytool1]

@eggiex1<-- speaking of trolls...there's a difference between someone typing fast and missing a key...and using the wrong word completely! but since you wanted to suck my cock so bad, and comment... i'll let it slide...fag! lol

[eggiex1]

@eatmytool1 Nah, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. You're just a stupid fuck. It's pretty obvious that you're the one doing the trolling, I just happened to be around to point out your hypocrisy.

By the way, I never even brought up the word cock or suck, so you're obviously the one that's the fag if you're so desperate to have your dick sucked. Go fuck a red neck's ass if you're so desperate for sexual attention.

[eggiex1]

@eatmytool1 Hah, with an username like eatmytool, you're obviously a pussy reject who's trying to get some attention. Should have seen your gay ass cock comment coming, I suppose...

[Aqualiteking]

@knuckleskills Heck, it wouldn't make the news in Sri Lanka. I remember watching the news about a bus accident. All the news presenter said was; There was a bus accident, 24 killed, onto other news...

[floormasterer]

@knuckleskills yes, thats the joke you fucking idiot.

[kevin10987]

"The finding weren't the same for all Americans. Dr. Garvin found that the study does not apply to homeless people."

Finally, a news program that makes sense unlike all of this new age propaganda bs

[MrVHI123]

@kevin10987 LOL!!! I always thought the Doc's name was Doc. Garbage... XD

[VictimOfBoredom]

Then maybe you should stop using YouTube and the Internet, since they were made by such "stupid" people.

[spites1]

by this logic snookie is chuck norris

[linfinster]

"12 killed but in Sri Lanka." Aaaaaaaawe thats lol so lol mean! lolololol

[ShadowCatGirl1]

A web based oragn-donor list allows people to vote on which patients get transplants first. Wow. Nice Onion!

[Beejerweejer3]

"a new prescription drug that organizes all the prescription drugs in your body"

I love the onion xD

[leeo268]

OOO 12 killed

...

Awww only in shi somewhere

[cloudberry121]

First I watch the video, then I watch it again to read the headline ticker at the bottom of the screen. Outstanding!

[natashablasick]

Back to the gym, I mean bar:)

[91pv3]

Oh, so that's why I'm fit...

[sexybeastofkonoha]

@91pv3 have you ever ran a drunken mile? it's amazingly awesome

[bryanguy1]

feminist groups speak out against womens dependence on sperm to have a baby , love the text

[mzachariotti]

OMG 12 KILLED...oh doesnt matter

[pipeing]

god that was awesome

[Vla3d]

thumbs up if you think that the reporter lady is hot

and you would have sex with her